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New here

Ghost

Hi, I live in Wales, UK

I'm going through a hard time at the moment and often fantasise about self harming again to release my emotional tension;
I can't even watch a TV episode without breaking down, I'm filled with so much anxiety and frustration

After calling in sick on and off for a few weeks.  I just accepted another 3 months sick leave from my job. I have a 0 hour contract and told them that I wont be back for a long time so they'd probably be better off finding a replacement. So I've probably just lost yet another job..

I can't hold down a part time job for any longer then 3/4 months without melting down, how am I ever supposed to become indipendant and rent or buy my own home? Am I destined to live with my mother for ever?! I turned 32 this year, I hate myself for not being able to cope

I've not been in a relationship for over 3 years. I'm afraid of even having a date, I think they'd be better off finding someone else. But I'm so lonely. I push people I'm attracted to away because I just go blank when I'm around them, Think they could do better, can't cope with the stress or potential emotional rollercoaster of a relationship

I feel so alienated by the world. nothing makes sense.

I only got told that I might have ASD about a month ago and after reading about it and listen to other peoples stories did it really click and I cried for about 20 minutes, realising that I will never have the life I want. realising that I will always struggle

I've suffered from neglect and abuse when I was younger.

I've been really suicidal in the past and self harmed and am worried that I might end up going down that route again.

I am trying to get support. But it's so hard, not really knowing how & having to talk about everything so openly. Stuff I've never told anyone
It's so hard talking to people. Once you say something you can't take it back...

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  • in reply to Chloe Mod

    Hi Chloe, thank you.

    Well.. my first post was over 5,000 words so I tried bullet points instead...  I've managed to stay away from cutting for now. I've moved anything that I can cut with far out of reach and out of eye sight. Though it's often on my mind. I've hit myself in the head a little... gently. But I mostly just try and pace back and fourth to tire myself out. Or exercise when I have space. I only have a small room in my mothers house and she doesn't like it when my stuff leaves my room. I hope to have my own space one day where I can play music, paint and exercise when I need to calm down. I feel quite claustrophobic and restricted here.

    I've talked to them about it.  But I don't like that they put it on my record.  I usually have so much to say but the appointments are so short and there's only so much I can let out in one go. I feel like you need to get to the point so fast but it takes time to build up the trust to talk about some things.
    I have talked to them though. They don't know that I feel like self harming a lot of the time. I also have a fear of being taken somewhere against my will so I'll downplay some things.

    I just feel like every time I try and ask for help, for actionable advice i just get signposted elsewhere