People saying "I wish you were normal"

I feel you and everyone who has commented here...I hate this so much. Sometimes I think the worst thing about being on the spectrum is other people's reactions to us!

Personally I think the best response to the 'I'm so sorry' thing is, 'No need to be sorry, I'm quite happy being me.' That's not rude or getting personal with them, and it's challenging their ableism without being confrontational yourself. I think you have to bear in mind that these people often aren't speaking maliciously or with the intention of being condescending; we live in an ableist world, and NT privilege is such that often people with little to no knowledge of Autism (and even many who do have knowledge, sadly!) are taught that Autism is a terrible thing and don't know how to talk to us. I don't like it when people call me 'brave' or 'inspirational' for being open about being Autistic...I don't feel like I'm being 'brave' or 'inspirational' just for speaking...but I feel like it's important to remember that people are mostly trying to be kind when they say these things, so we shouldn't come down too harshly on them. It's just about educating people as openly and honestly as we can, and setting things straight, so we can hopefully do what we can to change attitudes.

I do say stuff to them but I normally just do it to stop people from asking more questions. 

Hi there, I was just reading your message and it made me feel terrible as I have 2 boys aged 21 / 13 my 13ys old is on the Spectrum, and I sometimes look at him and think I wish you was like your brother, my son is hi functioning so to look at him you would think he is the same as any other 13yr old, but he’s not Advanced as all the other 13ys old and that’s what makes to worried as I’m not sure he could defend himself, so he only sees a few friends that he has grown up with, but I feel he is missing out he loves being with all the other lads, he just doesn’t get the chance, and it makes me sad for him, and that’s why I say to my self I wish you was like your brother, and then I hate my self for even thinking it.  

wow thats pretty antisocial on the antisocial scale 

If they can’t love you for who you are then they shouldn’t be around you. I have largely become a hermit because of this and just talk to the odd stranger outside to get into museums and galleries. Part of me still wants to flee when they ask questions though.

If someone said that to me, I'd follow up by asking what "normal" is.

Hi Tashlovesturtles

you  are most welcome in this forum of fellow autistics and their carers

tell us about your hobbies and interests, and your brother

i had red eared terrapins as pets which u may be calling a 'turtle'. i had them for years i also had a tortoise. 

but hey maybe I'm wrong and u do know your turtles 

if u need help just ask

its no superpower for me ---- i think i am the point you describe "where it's not good or bad, it just is"

I'd really like to get to the point where it's not good or bad, it just is. I don't see why anyone should feel that having autism is a problem but I also don't get the whole 'Autism is my superpower' thing. To me it's a relief to know there is a reason why I struggle but it's less about the label and more about how I can turn to a group and say 'ok, this is what's happening, please help me to understand the way I'm seeing the world. It's helped me to learn a great deal about myself. It gives me an understanding of how I'm processing things and suggestions on how I can work around the awkward bits.

Tashlovesturtles,

Know and even tell them if you can that there's no such thing as wrong brains, there is no scientific basis to them whatsoever, it's all based on cultural prejudice.
I've always known it to be this way!

"Neurodiversity is an essential form of human diversity. The idea that there is one “normal” or “healthy” type of brain or mind or one “right” style of neurocognitive functioning, is no more valid than the idea that there is one “normal” or “right” gender, race or culture.
The classification of neurodivergence (e.g. autism, ADHD, dyslexia, bipolarity) as medical/psychiatric pathology has no valid scientific basis , and instead reflects cultural prejudice and oppresses those labeled as such."

Tell them their idea and agreement of "normal brain" is they being prejudice, and racist from a neurological perspective.
Ask them what is their scientific basis to claim a brain is disfunctional just because it functions in a different way?

If they want to use the average excuse, tell them they'll have to tell you a scientific formula of how to determine at what measure it turns from normal to pathological, if they cannot provide you a formula that's the evidence "pathological/wrong brain" is not determined by science nor nature, it's determined by cultural prejudice which is not a scientific basis.

Which means as I've always believed, Autism, Dyslexia, ADHD, Bipolar etc. are not disabilities, are not diseases, are not mental health issues, they are just part of nature, part of our human species and evolution.

autisticuk.org/.../

When I was a younger and would speak my mind more, I used to respond “normal people don’t talk about other people like they’re aliens, aliens don’t exist, and I do exist so either you think I don’t exist or you believe in aliens, both only dumb people would think” let’s just say I got into a lot of trouble speaking my mind as a kid, now I just scoff and roll my eyes wondering how those idiots are still alive with their stupidity. I hate to say I’m used to it but sadly I am. Another thing that could be said against them is “at least I have a working brain, which by your views and understanding of how my brain works, doesn’t seem to be the case” an old friend of mine told a teacher that in high school a few years ago.

mael,

This is why I greatly support the Neurodiversity Paradigm, if you read my comment about "normal people" (I don't believe in any such thing) there's no scientific reason to claim our brains and other neurodivergent brains to be pathological.

This so called normal brain is no more valid than saying there's only one correct culture and every other is dysfunctional, there's only one correct race and every other is dysfunctional.

The normal brain is simply prejudice and a neurological version of racism.

Loz said:

It's an office building so despite claims to the contrary, they don't really like you to be different. It means they have to read policies and understand that some behaviours can't be helped. I got told last year that I needed to improve my 'poor attitude' after a situation.

Desmond79 said:

My ultimate mistake was not declaring my disability on the application form

Hi Loz and Desmond, can relate to both of these comments. I too had tried to muddle through employment without declaring Aspergers, but finding I would have to in future after being told to "improve at communication skills" in appraisals.  Had the best, most understanding employer from 2011, until a restructure when upper management decided to 'Outsource' several departments and I was made redundant November 2019.

Now I'm in the difficult position of looking again, but roles are a combination of some things I'd do well, and others that I wouldn't, with customer contact and "excellent communication skills" on every job description.

My problem is I care about doing a good job. I care about high standards. 

I only spent six months in a Civil Service job in 2004. My ultimate mistake was not declaring my disability on the application form; as I left that it didn't affect my ability to work. However, it was a blessing in disguise. The environment was so Toxic, and dealt with - arguably - the most hated, and divisive, department of the UK Government. Plus, I tried to blend in with the 'Lazy Civil Servant' Stereotype.

I did reapply for the Civil Service a few years back. However, I had no real motivation, other than a Paycheque, which isn't the right motivation for a job. God has other plans.

In my current job, I sometimes wish I was 'normal'. It's an office building so despite claims to the contrary, they don't really like you to be different. It means they have to read policies and understand that some behaviours can't be helped. I got told last year that I needed to improve my 'poor attitude' after a situation. Given the information presented, I pointed out that it actually sounded like they wanted me to be less anxious.

When I worked in Theatre, no one batted an eyelid, I could be anyone, and do anything as long as I got my costumes made by opening night. 

"Normal" annoys me ,what they mean is typical  , average , boring  ,run of the mill, unremarkable ,commonplace ,ordinary.

Personally i prefer being me .

Aww thank you both. It's all good now, I'm estranged from my mother and I generally avoid people so they can't call me fucked up lol

you're welcome!

That's so horrible.

Im sorry you had to go through that.