How do we think differently to NTs?

I used to do that too but quickly learnt not to to save myself alot of trouble. I learnt this as an adult :)  Instead of telling them what they want to hear (I generally don't know what that is anyway, something positive maybe?)  I say nothing. If you can't say nothing good say nothing at all. Usually the truth is obvious anyway it doesn't need said. 

Your spot on in my opinion. I think they have a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT world view to us. I  don't know if they are all like that as I have NT relatives who seem pretty decent (maybe I don't see how they are with others? ) but in general that's fairly accurate. They are constantly in that game. On of the biggest things I notice of all is the level of twofacedness (I think this is a diagnostic trait of an NT person :) ) It seems second nature to them. They enjoy that. Thats one of the reasons I'm grateful to be  autistic.

I also feel that I "deal with people" very well in my role as a social worker. I'm seen to be good at my job. Give me an unfamiliar scenario I know I need to respond to, however, and I'll be hoping I crash on my to work (or something similar that will be taken seriously) just to avoid it.

I crave sameness so I know how to competently respond and protect myself. 

The best thing i've read is Aspergirls. Everything else is slowly cobbling stuff together from websites and forums and bits n bobs in books. I keep notes.

Also Inside Autism Looking Out and All Cats Have Autism were two books with lists that helped me rethink my childhood.

Loz said:

I spent most of my life in customer facing roles so I've learned (without realising I was doing it) how to adapt to what was happening around me.

Right with you there. I did customer facing for a while - and was pretty good at it , and saw myself as experienced in "dealing with people". When I moved to a management grade I tanked within months and I couldn't work out why. 

I realised (and my psychologist confirmed this) that the strategies in dealing with people vary with context (obvious now I know - and my contexts were very limited). What I also realised was that I'd figured out how to manage each interaction. I knew what queries would come to me, what I could/could not help with, what resources I had access to, and there was a clear goal I was trying to achieve (set by the customer). I've done it everywhere I've worked. Adapted so effectively that I allowed my job interactions to define who I am. I no longer do customer facing stuff so I'm seeing just how uncomfortable working in a (remote) office type environment can be. 

Take that structure away though - and I'm stuffed. Normally in my role I've had clear tasks but recently those asks seem to have become more and more vague and disorganised. Or maybe I'm just noticing them more.

Where can I find such a list? 

I'd be really curious to know what else they told you NTs do as normal.

In the autism books it lists what autists do that NTs don't, so I've discovered what I thought was normal for everyone turns out not to be. But I don't know what NTs do that I don't, or if I do what the internal dynamics are for them to do it. 50-70% seems staggering to me, I thought my eye contact was ok, but it's nowhere near that level!

Ah, that explains why when in work conflict my version never becomes the believed version! I just stick to what happened with no interpretation or embellishment, so i guess no impact or emotions. 

I know this feeling. I'm in the same process of re-examining my life to try and understand who I am.

I spent most of my life in customer facing roles so I've learned (without realising I was doing it) how to adapt to what was happening around me. There is a vast difference between me the receptionist, me the garden centre worker, me the costume maker etc. I've adapted as and when I've needed to however it's taken me further and further from where I want to be as I burn out after a few years and move on to something else - usually easier, because I could never understand why I couldn't cope. I'm miserable in my current job. I clearly don't understand office politics as I get into trouble for speaking my mind.

I used to think that was a product of being Australian, or being in jobs that required bluntness. But I'm now armed with the knowledge that I might be on the spectrum so it makes it easier to understand why I probably gravitate towards this type of interaction and why it always feels awkward (and why I'm not very skilled) to follow the expected route that seems to come so easily to others.

M said:

I'm not really even sure who I am any more... 

I have those moments. Lots of them. 

They seem to come one after another which can be very disorientating.

Hi  Hookaduckduck This reflects how I am feeling right now.

'Undiagnosed potentially autistic'  seems to be a bit of a dodgy recursive thought trap and I'm paying a lot of attention to trying not to get stuck it!

I find this response interesting because as an undiagnosed potentially autistic woman I have suddenly been plunged into the realisation that most of my relationships are based upon a tendency for me to mirror other people and masking my awkwardness and social anxieties. Is this not in itself a web of lies? I do fall into the typical autistic trap of being honest and blunt, but I'm not sure I am as confidently honest when it comes to being myself. I'm not really even sure who I am any more... 

We often get accused of having repetitive conversations - but that's because we provide a truthful account of any situation - like a tape recorder.  

NTs embellish and exaggerate positives and diminish negatives with every retelling - so eventually their account of a situation becomes a completely false story of how they 'wanted' the event to have happened.   It becomes the truth - their truth.

This can only end in conflict when both versions are recounted - but because of our poor social skills and our disbelief of the falsehood confusing us in the heat of the moment, the NT's account is usually taken as more truthful and believable!   .

A crazy world.

Thanks @Topbob this is exactly how it is with my husband. He never does or says anything bad but the small things in conversation that I guess NTs don't pay attention to stick out to me so badly and I have to consciously process them and tell myself it's ok before I can move on. 

I am an NT living  with ( not at the moment see either poat Living Together). This is what my parrner finds so cofusibg about me. She says how I totally change things how what I say and what I do are two different things. To me they are minor things small details i am not even aware of doing anything and it makes me upset and angry and frustrating  doing or saying things i dont and havent. But often I have! 

I agree, why do people say they want something that they don't.

I totally get this. Honesty is a huge thing for me. I have been caught out so many times when people ask for my honest opinion and then get upset/angry because it's not what they want to hear.  

Hi Jen

I might sound really harsh on this one - I've done a lot of analysis on the subject.  

I'd say the biggest difference is their ability to lie.  

The entire NT culture is based around status so they continually lie to promote themselves (eg. Facebook).     It's mostly small stuff - exaggeration - but it's constant and pervasive.    From signing out from work 5 mins early to avoid traffic to making promises to appease but with no intention of follow-through.    

It means you're actually never dealing with the true person - you're interfacing with their surface web of lies - so your version/impression of that person is different to another person's view of them depending on which lies have been spun to which people.

It does my head in.