Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed with Aspergers a few weeks ago (at 40 years old). During the assessment I was amazed when the specialist explained how most NTs would have answered the questions and how different that is from how I think. The adaptive strategies we develop allow us to pass as NT but the thought processes behind the actions are so different! I recently read that NTs typically maintain eye contact 50 - 70% of the time during conversation and this blew my mind. I am really interested to hear other people's thoughts and experiences of atypyical thinking in social contexts. I'm planning to get some specialist counselling to help me think through it all but I'd love to hear other lived experiences. Thanks!
Hi Jen
I might sound really harsh on this one - I've done a lot of analysis on the subject.
I'd say the biggest difference is their ability to lie.
The entire NT culture is based around status so they continually lie to promote themselves (eg. Facebook). It's mostly small stuff - exaggeration - but it's constant and pervasive. From signing out from work 5 mins early to avoid traffic to making promises to appease but with no intention of follow-through.
It means you're actually never dealing with the true person - you're interfacing with their surface web of lies - so your version/impression of that person is different to another person's view of them depending on which lies have been spun to which people.
It does my head in.
I find this response interesting because as an undiagnosed potentially autistic woman I have suddenly been plunged into the realisation that most of my relationships are based upon a tendency for me to mirror other people and masking my awkwardness and social anxieties. Is this not in itself a web of lies? I do fall into the typical autistic trap of being honest and blunt, but I'm not sure I am as confidently honest when it comes to being myself. I'm not really even sure who I am any more...
I know this feeling. I'm in the same process of re-examining my life to try and understand who I am.
I spent most of my life in customer facing roles so I've learned (without realising I was doing it) how to adapt to what was happening around me. There is a vast difference between me the receptionist, me the garden centre worker, me the costume maker etc. I've adapted as and when I've needed to however it's taken me further and further from where I want to be as I burn out after a few years and move on to something else - usually easier, because I could never understand why I couldn't cope. I'm miserable in my current job. I clearly don't understand office politics as I get into trouble for speaking my mind.
I used to think that was a product of being Australian, or being in jobs that required bluntness. But I'm now armed with the knowledge that I might be on the spectrum so it makes it easier to understand why I probably gravitate towards this type of interaction and why it always feels awkward (and why I'm not very skilled) to follow the expected route that seems to come so easily to others.
I also feel that I "deal with people" very well in my role as a social worker. I'm seen to be good at my job. Give me an unfamiliar scenario I know I need to respond to, however, and I'll be hoping I crash on my to work (or something similar that will be taken seriously) just to avoid it.
I crave sameness so I know how to competently respond and protect myself.