How do we think differently to NTs?

Hi Jen

I might sound really harsh on this one - I've done a lot of analysis on the subject.  

I'd say the biggest difference is their ability to lie.  

The entire NT culture is based around status so they continually lie to promote themselves (eg. Facebook).     It's mostly small stuff - exaggeration - but it's constant and pervasive.    From signing out from work 5 mins early to avoid traffic to making promises to appease but with no intention of follow-through.    

It means you're actually never dealing with the true person - you're interfacing with their surface web of lies - so your version/impression of that person is different to another person's view of them depending on which lies have been spun to which people.

It does my head in.

I find this response interesting because as an undiagnosed potentially autistic woman I have suddenly been plunged into the realisation that most of my relationships are based upon a tendency for me to mirror other people and masking my awkwardness and social anxieties. Is this not in itself a web of lies? I do fall into the typical autistic trap of being honest and blunt, but I'm not sure I am as confidently honest when it comes to being myself. I'm not really even sure who I am any more... 

I know this feeling. I'm in the same process of re-examining my life to try and understand who I am.

I spent most of my life in customer facing roles so I've learned (without realising I was doing it) how to adapt to what was happening around me. There is a vast difference between me the receptionist, me the garden centre worker, me the costume maker etc. I've adapted as and when I've needed to however it's taken me further and further from where I want to be as I burn out after a few years and move on to something else - usually easier, because I could never understand why I couldn't cope. I'm miserable in my current job. I clearly don't understand office politics as I get into trouble for speaking my mind.

I used to think that was a product of being Australian, or being in jobs that required bluntness. But I'm now armed with the knowledge that I might be on the spectrum so it makes it easier to understand why I probably gravitate towards this type of interaction and why it always feels awkward (and why I'm not very skilled) to follow the expected route that seems to come so easily to others.

I also feel that I "deal with people" very well in my role as a social worker. I'm seen to be good at my job. Give me an unfamiliar scenario I know I need to respond to, however, and I'll be hoping I crash on my to work (or something similar that will be taken seriously) just to avoid it.

I crave sameness so I know how to competently respond and protect myself. 

Loz said:

I spent most of my life in customer facing roles so I've learned (without realising I was doing it) how to adapt to what was happening around me.

Right with you there. I did customer facing for a while - and was pretty good at it , and saw myself as experienced in "dealing with people". When I moved to a management grade I tanked within months and I couldn't work out why. 

I realised (and my psychologist confirmed this) that the strategies in dealing with people vary with context (obvious now I know - and my contexts were very limited). What I also realised was that I'd figured out how to manage each interaction. I knew what queries would come to me, what I could/could not help with, what resources I had access to, and there was a clear goal I was trying to achieve (set by the customer). I've done it everywhere I've worked. Adapted so effectively that I allowed my job interactions to define who I am. I no longer do customer facing stuff so I'm seeing just how uncomfortable working in a (remote) office type environment can be. 

Take that structure away though - and I'm stuffed. Normally in my role I've had clear tasks but recently those asks seem to have become more and more vague and disorganised. Or maybe I'm just noticing them more.

Loz said:

I spent most of my life in customer facing roles so I've learned (without realising I was doing it) how to adapt to what was happening around me.

Right with you there. I did customer facing for a while - and was pretty good at it , and saw myself as experienced in "dealing with people". When I moved to a management grade I tanked within months and I couldn't work out why. 

I realised (and my psychologist confirmed this) that the strategies in dealing with people vary with context (obvious now I know - and my contexts were very limited). What I also realised was that I'd figured out how to manage each interaction. I knew what queries would come to me, what I could/could not help with, what resources I had access to, and there was a clear goal I was trying to achieve (set by the customer). I've done it everywhere I've worked. Adapted so effectively that I allowed my job interactions to define who I am. I no longer do customer facing stuff so I'm seeing just how uncomfortable working in a (remote) office type environment can be. 

Take that structure away though - and I'm stuffed. Normally in my role I've had clear tasks but recently those asks seem to have become more and more vague and disorganised. Or maybe I'm just noticing them more.

I also feel that I "deal with people" very well in my role as a social worker. I'm seen to be good at my job. Give me an unfamiliar scenario I know I need to respond to, however, and I'll be hoping I crash on my to work (or something similar that will be taken seriously) just to avoid it.

I crave sameness so I know how to competently respond and protect myself.