People relativising AS and telling you that you seem 'normal' to them ?.

they're morons. i live in a pretty progressive area, and so many people 'get it.' so i'm lucky. those who don't, yeah, it's so frustrating. however, i tell people, i didn't no what autism was until i saw that dumb movie 'rainman.' no offense to those who liked that movie. so, i try to be understanding. 

but, since i don't care much what folk think, thanks to my aspieness, it's kind of a nothing-burger. they do what they want.

I saw a recent study that concluded 60% of middle managers were actually damaging their employer's profitability with their incompetence and petty rules and with them promoting their useless favourites over better staff and demoralising their teams..    

I've had very few managers I've been directly frustrated at, although my patience was being pushed on that occasion. Still, I have collected numerous absurdities of decision-making (or lack of) over the years.

Although in my gaffe it seems to be that if you're able to convince someone else of the things you did, it doesn't matter how well you did them - they'll give you some points just for sounding convincing and consider you management material without checking whether a) the thing that was claimed to have happened, actually happened and b) if it did happen whether it worked, or just flushed everything down a blocked dunny for an incoming team member to clean up.   

"to be fair to everyone else I couldn't be treated any differently," 

I had major foot surgery and whilst I was back at work, I was still recovering. I somehow got a load of shifts that involved me having to race out to the bus, across a busy road with no crossing within a four minute space of time. I therefore asked if I could do a shift that was only different by half an hour, but gave my 34 minutes instead.

He didn't use the same phrase, but it felt like it was based on the same type of absurdity. His was 'the needs of the business'. One of my colleagues pointed to the boot on my leg and my crutches and reminded him that I was the only person on the office floor who had a valid reason to ask. In the end, he still said no and one of my other colleagues offered to swap shifts, thus working around management. 

I know I'm generalising here, and there is always excellent exceptions. But managers are dumb.

thanks my issue has been fixed.

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I think the only way to manage it, and I'm still figuring this out, is to graciously accept that's where they are and give them time to get there (which they might not do). It's why I spend so much time on here - because there's experiences that I instantly relate to that diffuses a lot of my anguish about things I'm going through.

I know from painful experience if I share some experiences with other people (read: NT's) outside of here they'll be struggling to get it - or they'll respond in a way which I feel has missed the point I'm trying to make. I'm starting to accept, there's some things that people who know me well, will never "get" about me.

I agree, sometimes it feels we've been dealt a rubbish hand. I get a bit philosophical about these things in my quiet time - whereas in the moment, dealing with another misunderstanding by the same person when I think I've explained things clearly and logically, it's a different story.  

Just thinking about it, I remember when I was stuck living at home on after a severe MH health episode. I was  trying to get back on my feet with my mind fragile as it was  and I was repeatedly "needled" every day by a family member. I couldn't do anything without hearing a comment or be given an opportunity to.think anything through. If I did respond in a way they didn't like they closed down and it was "my problem". Once after I pushed back the response was (with more than a sliver of mockery) "Keep taking the pills". 

I packed my bags and left. It was never  acknowledged why I left, even though I told them, and history was just slowly rewritten. That relationship never did heal.

Why is it such hard work? Perhaps it's a habit of second guessing? (Can anyone help me out here?). People hear "X" with their ears, but by the time it's filtered through their brain and worldview, and if we're giving out non-typical messages with our body language, they've decided what you really meant was "Y".

I agree, and that's why I acknowledge that I probably shouldn't take it the way I do. It does frustrate me, however, when people I'm close enough to to explain my feelings continue to do it after I explain it. Again, I know it's still an attempt to empathize, but it's frustrating, and it leave me not having a clue how to respond or react.

NTs have done this plenty ro me, but the last person turned out to be AS himself. Guess he was minimising it for himself, or not ready to out himself to me, he has now.

Going through a similar thing. In my experience there is benevolent intent - they're trying to empathize and connect - although they're coming from a different place than we are which causes this kind of misunderstanding and friction. I'm realising that I've got to work to frame the message in the right way for NT's to understand - and that will depend on the individual - and in some cases it will take time for them to move closer to that understanding.  

Agreed

Two things that drive me crazy are when I recognize the fact that my thought process and/or behavior is unusual and someone tells me that it's not and that I'm just being too hard on myself. For one thing, it makes me feel like I'm being talked down to and that I just don't have a clue about my own thoughts, and secondly, they're implying that I'm in the wrong for being different since I'm supposedly "being too hard on myself."

The other thing is when someone who has no clue what's going through my head tells me they understand. It probably shouldn't bother me like it does, but it absolutely drives me nuts. I have struggles, and trying to pretend like it's something everybody deals with isn't helpful. They're not in my shoes any more than I'm in theirs and know what's going on in their head.

Mark (NicheMarket) thank you. I will do that. I was plagued by imposter syndrome but am feeling a bit more comfortable here, as people are so supportive.

I'm in the process of seeking a diagnosis and when I went to see my GP for the initial 20-minute assessment appointment she asked me the standard questions that they use and said "I could answer yes to some of these but it doesn't mean I'm autistic"! Like others have written I think it's meant to be comforting by trying to offer some kind of common ground and similarity, when what I really wanted to say was, "yes, you might have some of these issues occasionally but I have them all the time, along with 100 other issues! There's a big difference!"

I think that I seem more "normal" to other people in my job as a home help whereas in my school cleaning job that I only started 2 months ago the cracks are already beginning to show as I have difficulty finding my way around school and meeting my colleagues at specific times to do specific jobs. I'm sure that they don't think I might be autistic and feel upset that I can't meet their expectations, just that I'm disorganised, insubordinate, lazy and rude!

NAS71151 said:

'I don't think anyone would have thought that you struggle with asperger's, you seem so normal',

OK, I`am new to it and I `am an NT, from my point of view this only shows that you were good at masking and mirror them to fit into the NT world. So most people don`t see you as an Autistic.

That's so disappointing coming from a professional. People say stuff like this all the time though, about all sorts of people's life problems. They push away engagement with platitudes.

I don't tell lotsof people cos i lnow they'd say stuff like that.

Trawl through some of the older posts, there's loads asking if they might be AS, whether it's worth getting a diagnosis, etc, and the tool bar on the right will then also show similar poats.

I believe that it happens because the person saying these things may be a bit ignorant (they probably don't know much about autism) or that they are trying to make you feel better by trying to say you are more like them than not. I believe that second point as I have actually asked people when they say such things why they say it; and I am abstracting that 9/10 that is the answer they give although we all know NTs have issues with honesty (and lie a lot) I actually feel they were sincere on that. I am often perplexed by that reason g as I feel no need to be like or similar to people; that is ridiculous but apparently try NT humans want to be like each other. It's why my stepdaughter and her teenage peers all dress the same and have th same phones, the same eyebrows... it is weird but that is NTs for you. They cannot help it. And I mean that in a kind way. but it does highlight the difference between the and us. We know we are different and usually we are ok with that whereas to the NT who says the things you describe that is horrific; being different is dangerous and to them they would rather mould into someone  else to stay safe. Some autistic people mask to do this swell - me included, at work I am different to me because I need to be to survive.

i dont think neurotypicals appreciate the mental struggles autistic people have running around inside them at times. Neurotypicals do suffer as well but they dont end up in meltdowns and shutdowns. The autistic mind sometimes processes thoughts in a different way and that can leads to all sorts of good or bad things.

I think it's very misunderstood by a lot of people who don't know about AS. I'm recently diagnosed and when I told one of my best friends, he was great about it. But with the best of intentions he said "I read we are all on the spectrum somewhere". I tried to explain that may be the case, but how much do your difficulties impact on your daily life? This helped him understand a bit more. (I'm not trying to say he has no difficulties in life, of course he does, everyone does but to what extent does this impact his mental health for example?)

He then went on to say someone at the "lower end" (ie those with more obvious difficulties) face more challenges. I then tried to explain, it's not about more or fewer difficulties, but it's just different types of difficulties. I can see, although how I could be classed as "high functioning" it actually affects me every day.

I think the more people become educated and aware, the more understanding there will be.

I feel like I want to tell everyone I know but am not going to jump in feet first. 

I try to make allowances to peoples reactions as most of the general population have fixed ideas about it. I'm sorry you have been made to feel that way. You shouldn't made made to feel like you have to justify yourself or have your experiences invalidated. The person who you mentioned who is new to autism obviously has a lot to learn. There's a good youtube video by Yo Samedy Sam where she talks about dealing with people's reactions.  

I've found that most people still associate ASD with Rain Man so if you're not flapping in the corner, there's nothing wrong with you.

I explain to people that, for me, it's like everything is turned up to 1000.   

Compared to everything they experience, I find it  it too loud, too bright, too stressful, too unpredictable, too itchy, too sticky - too much everything to a level that is totally overloading - I can't cope with the level of input 24/7 and there's no escape from it - like living every day in a noisy nightclub.   

I then ask them how long they think they would survive in that environment - it tends to bring it into focus for them.