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People relativising AS and telling you that you seem 'normal' to them ?.

NAS71151

Hello,

I hate it with a passion when people say to me, often randomly, 'I don't think anyone would have thought that you struggle with asperger's, you seem so normal', and then they say that they themselves struggled to fit in at school for some reason and does that mean they therefore have aspergers? It is like they are questioning the diagnosis by implying I cannot possibly have AS because I am so chatty and extrovert!. They do not realise how their comments make me feel sick inside, the anguish and stess the comments make me feel, particularly when the comments come from people who should know better. My regular support worker understands me and would never relativise my AS, but a support worker who has only recently started working with Autistic adults and who does not have much experience in this field, recently came out with these comments and left me feeling hurt and upset, although in other respects I get on with him. I feel like I am a fake, that my identity is being questioned, and it makes me feel unhappy, like I will be a perpetual outsider, not fitting in anywhere. I don't wish to be defined by asperger's, but it is nevertheless such a big part of my identity and I am so proud of my achievements and successes with regard to fighting back against my anxiety and the negative side of my AS and how my experiences have shaped me as a person. I always feel like I have to justify myself and it makes me feel so tense and upset. Anyway, I felt like replying, what am I supposed to look like as a person with AS? Am I supposed to hardly talk, to be rude and non-compliant or highly distracted?.

Has anyone else with high-fuunctioning AS experienced similar issues? I do feel so unhappy at the moment, but maybe I am being too analytical and taking things too far.

thanks

jackyjoy

Parents

  • I'm in the process of seeking a diagnosis and when I went to see my GP for the initial 20-minute assessment appointment she asked me the standard questions that they use and said "I could answer yes to some of these but it doesn't mean I'm autistic"! Like others have written I think it's meant to be comforting by trying to offer some kind of common ground and similarity, when what I really wanted to say was, "yes, you might have some of these issues occasionally but I have them all the time, along with 100 other issues! There's a big difference!"

    I think that I seem more "normal" to other people in my job as a home help whereas in my school cleaning job that I only started 2 months ago the cracks are already beginning to show as I have difficulty finding my way around school and meeting my colleagues at specific times to do specific jobs. I'm sure that they don't think I might be autistic and feel upset that I can't meet their expectations, just that I'm disorganised, insubordinate, lazy and rude!

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  • I'm in the process of seeking a diagnosis and when I went to see my GP for the initial 20-minute assessment appointment she asked me the standard questions that they use and said "I could answer yes to some of these but it doesn't mean I'm autistic"! Like others have written I think it's meant to be comforting by trying to offer some kind of common ground and similarity, when what I really wanted to say was, "yes, you might have some of these issues occasionally but I have them all the time, along with 100 other issues! There's a big difference!"

    I think that I seem more "normal" to other people in my job as a home help whereas in my school cleaning job that I only started 2 months ago the cracks are already beginning to show as I have difficulty finding my way around school and meeting my colleagues at specific times to do specific jobs. I'm sure that they don't think I might be autistic and feel upset that I can't meet their expectations, just that I'm disorganised, insubordinate, lazy and rude!

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