• Replies 22 replies
  • Subscribers 88 subscribers
  • Views 5697 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

People relativising AS and telling you that you seem 'normal' to them ?.

NAS71151

Hello,

I hate it with a passion when people say to me, often randomly, 'I don't think anyone would have thought that you struggle with asperger's, you seem so normal', and then they say that they themselves struggled to fit in at school for some reason and does that mean they therefore have aspergers? It is like they are questioning the diagnosis by implying I cannot possibly have AS because I am so chatty and extrovert!. They do not realise how their comments make me feel sick inside, the anguish and stess the comments make me feel, particularly when the comments come from people who should know better. My regular support worker understands me and would never relativise my AS, but a support worker who has only recently started working with Autistic adults and who does not have much experience in this field, recently came out with these comments and left me feeling hurt and upset, although in other respects I get on with him. I feel like I am a fake, that my identity is being questioned, and it makes me feel unhappy, like I will be a perpetual outsider, not fitting in anywhere. I don't wish to be defined by asperger's, but it is nevertheless such a big part of my identity and I am so proud of my achievements and successes with regard to fighting back against my anxiety and the negative side of my AS and how my experiences have shaped me as a person. I always feel like I have to justify myself and it makes me feel so tense and upset. Anyway, I felt like replying, what am I supposed to look like as a person with AS? Am I supposed to hardly talk, to be rude and non-compliant or highly distracted?.

Has anyone else with high-fuunctioning AS experienced similar issues? I do feel so unhappy at the moment, but maybe I am being too analytical and taking things too far.

thanks

jackyjoy

Parents

  • I believe that it happens because the person saying these things may be a bit ignorant (they probably don't know much about autism) or that they are trying to make you feel better by trying to say you are more like them than not. I believe that second point as I have actually asked people when they say such things why they say it; and I am abstracting that 9/10 that is the answer they give although we all know NTs have issues with honesty (and lie a lot) I actually feel they were sincere on that. I am often perplexed by that reason g as I feel no need to be like or similar to people; that is ridiculous but apparently try NT humans want to be like each other. It's why my stepdaughter and her teenage peers all dress the same and have th same phones, the same eyebrows... it is weird but that is NTs for you. They cannot help it. And I mean that in a kind way. but it does highlight the difference between the and us. We know we are different and usually we are ok with that whereas to the NT who says the things you describe that is horrific; being different is dangerous and to them they would rather mould into someone  else to stay safe. Some autistic people mask to do this swell - me included, at work I am different to me because I need to be to survive.

Reply

  • I believe that it happens because the person saying these things may be a bit ignorant (they probably don't know much about autism) or that they are trying to make you feel better by trying to say you are more like them than not. I believe that second point as I have actually asked people when they say such things why they say it; and I am abstracting that 9/10 that is the answer they give although we all know NTs have issues with honesty (and lie a lot) I actually feel they were sincere on that. I am often perplexed by that reason g as I feel no need to be like or similar to people; that is ridiculous but apparently try NT humans want to be like each other. It's why my stepdaughter and her teenage peers all dress the same and have th same phones, the same eyebrows... it is weird but that is NTs for you. They cannot help it. And I mean that in a kind way. but it does highlight the difference between the and us. We know we are different and usually we are ok with that whereas to the NT who says the things you describe that is horrific; being different is dangerous and to them they would rather mould into someone  else to stay safe. Some autistic people mask to do this swell - me included, at work I am different to me because I need to be to survive.

Children
No Data