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People relativising AS and telling you that you seem 'normal' to them ?.

NAS71151

Hello,

I hate it with a passion when people say to me, often randomly, 'I don't think anyone would have thought that you struggle with asperger's, you seem so normal', and then they say that they themselves struggled to fit in at school for some reason and does that mean they therefore have aspergers? It is like they are questioning the diagnosis by implying I cannot possibly have AS because I am so chatty and extrovert!. They do not realise how their comments make me feel sick inside, the anguish and stess the comments make me feel, particularly when the comments come from people who should know better. My regular support worker understands me and would never relativise my AS, but a support worker who has only recently started working with Autistic adults and who does not have much experience in this field, recently came out with these comments and left me feeling hurt and upset, although in other respects I get on with him. I feel like I am a fake, that my identity is being questioned, and it makes me feel unhappy, like I will be a perpetual outsider, not fitting in anywhere. I don't wish to be defined by asperger's, but it is nevertheless such a big part of my identity and I am so proud of my achievements and successes with regard to fighting back against my anxiety and the negative side of my AS and how my experiences have shaped me as a person. I always feel like I have to justify myself and it makes me feel so tense and upset. Anyway, I felt like replying, what am I supposed to look like as a person with AS? Am I supposed to hardly talk, to be rude and non-compliant or highly distracted?.

Has anyone else with high-fuunctioning AS experienced similar issues? I do feel so unhappy at the moment, but maybe I am being too analytical and taking things too far.

thanks

jackyjoy

Parents

  • I think it's very misunderstood by a lot of people who don't know about AS. I'm recently diagnosed and when I told one of my best friends, he was great about it. But with the best of intentions he said "I read we are all on the spectrum somewhere". I tried to explain that may be the case, but how much do your difficulties impact on your daily life? This helped him understand a bit more. (I'm not trying to say he has no difficulties in life, of course he does, everyone does but to what extent does this impact his mental health for example?)

    He then went on to say someone at the "lower end" (ie those with more obvious difficulties) face more challenges. I then tried to explain, it's not about more or fewer difficulties, but it's just different types of difficulties. I can see, although how I could be classed as "high functioning" it actually affects me every day.

    I think the more people become educated and aware, the more understanding there will be.

    I feel like I want to tell everyone I know but am not going to jump in feet first. 

    I try to make allowances to peoples reactions as most of the general population have fixed ideas about it. I'm sorry you have been made to feel that way. You shouldn't made made to feel like you have to justify yourself or have your experiences invalidated. The person who you mentioned who is new to autism obviously has a lot to learn. There's a good youtube video by Yo Samedy Sam where she talks about dealing with people's reactions.  

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  • I think it's very misunderstood by a lot of people who don't know about AS. I'm recently diagnosed and when I told one of my best friends, he was great about it. But with the best of intentions he said "I read we are all on the spectrum somewhere". I tried to explain that may be the case, but how much do your difficulties impact on your daily life? This helped him understand a bit more. (I'm not trying to say he has no difficulties in life, of course he does, everyone does but to what extent does this impact his mental health for example?)

    He then went on to say someone at the "lower end" (ie those with more obvious difficulties) face more challenges. I then tried to explain, it's not about more or fewer difficulties, but it's just different types of difficulties. I can see, although how I could be classed as "high functioning" it actually affects me every day.

    I think the more people become educated and aware, the more understanding there will be.

    I feel like I want to tell everyone I know but am not going to jump in feet first. 

    I try to make allowances to peoples reactions as most of the general population have fixed ideas about it. I'm sorry you have been made to feel that way. You shouldn't made made to feel like you have to justify yourself or have your experiences invalidated. The person who you mentioned who is new to autism obviously has a lot to learn. There's a good youtube video by Yo Samedy Sam where she talks about dealing with people's reactions.  

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