Belonging.

I enjoy The Body from Different Seasons.  You lose a lot growing old.   I will always miss the ages 0-12 where i was actually happy and accepted by my peers. I know that's not everyone on the spectrums experience of those years but it is mine.  13 though then i went badly downhill.  Been slaloming down that slope ever since. haha

They also have a movie on The dark tower. The strange thing about Stephen King's books: they seem to go without a clear plan and the last twenty pages usually feel a bit of a wrap up... like his wife comes after 5 months with a ruler, and tells him: ok that's a good sized novel, just make it end now so we can get it to the publisher...

The books really take you in the head of the main character, doing human things, overlooking obvious things, making mistakes, he's really a master at that, like 'the gunslinger' in 'the dark tower' is a real hero and leader, but he lacks imagination and a sense of humour, which makes him human and relatable...

I read 'Salem's lot', the classical vampire story when I was eleven or so. I started reading in the evening, and I couldn't put it down, when I tried to go to sleep, I started to feel scared, so I kept reading, until I finished the book in the morning. 

He also makes a cameo appearance in most of the movies, usually not in a very flattering role, it takes a humble man to do such a thing.  

Oh. No idea why i thought you were female.

I like Stephen King too.  Different Seasons and The Shining are both great.  I also like a lot of the films based on his novels.

I like Christopher Hitchens. But I didn't read a single book for 5 years now. The last books I read were the Dark Tower series by Stephen King. A writer I also liked a lot is Jared Diamond, (guns, germs and steel & collapse). Jared Diamond gives very good explanation on why history developed as it did, bit boring but I enjoyed it.

I'm actually a male. I just typed 'I'm not a lady', but that seemed a bit weird.

Tough. It can be really mentally draining trying to rub along with NT's.  Hell is other people - Jean Paul Satre.

Thanks MDC.  Have you got round to a full book by Christopher Hitchens yet?  Or are you a busy lady?  It was you who likes him i'm fairly sure of that.

This is how I feel too. I want to be a part of things but I feel like everyone is speaking in a language I only have superficial grasp of.

Hello Malojian, 

Here you belong! You're nice to chat with. 

Thanks for chatting with us!

Thankyou.  So kind of you to think of me!  I have to learn to live in the outside world again.  Will make a stab at it when covid is gone.  I'm 38 now and probably half way through this life shebang.  I need some people around me. Not the whole world but some.  I need to feel a part of the world. Rather than a man apart sitting in his room growing his beard.  I remember i have had friends before.  It was hard, so hard to get along with them.  But i'm going to try and overcome my problems. Because it's better than stasis and descent.

I'm sorry that you feel the same. If you wan't to talk about it then feel free. :)

You are not alone. I feel the same. That's why i am here. Take it easy.  There is a door, this place is a door, where we can say what we feel with no masks. 

I obviously can not do self reliance.  Family can't help.  Others can't help if i don't reach out to them.   I am a soul in limbo.   My place is always in a room alone.  I've never been comfortable anywhere else. My mental health is poor and i'm a raw nerve.  And then of course finally there's the dreaded covid 19.  So i wouldn't be able to go out and socialise even if i wanted to!  Welcome to 2020!

The lady i'm chatting to might be able to help. Potential partner.  I'll probably just use it as an excuse to stay in doors though.  I've met someone so now i don't need to do anything.  Maybe i'll be happier that way?   Relationships aren't necessarily the route to happiness either.   Posting here is good because i get to type the way i'm feeling.

Can you zero in on anything that makes you feel you can't walk in through that door? Just wondering.

It's written by an american about america.

"high school prom" - sounds like we're in the US now...

There's a scene from the book Ham on Rye that is similar.  The protagonist is looking in through the window at his own high school prom.   Thankfully my high school days are long behind me , but i still identify with that character.

I feel the same Malojian. I felt gutted when I went to an Autistic support group early this year and was the only person there stammering having a panic attack while everyone else was chilled out. I'm sure you do belong though. You just haven't figured out how yet.