Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't belong. They are human and i am looking in at them. There's a warm fire there and everyone is included. I am not. Everyone is there. ASD and NT. They all have their role. There is no door and i can't walk in.
I feel the same Malojian. I felt gutted when I went to an Autistic support group early this year and was the only person there stammering having a panic attack while everyone else was chilled out. I'm sure you do belong though. You just haven't figured out how yet.
There's a scene from the book Ham on Rye that is similar. The protagonist is looking in through the window at his own high school prom. Thankfully my high school days are long behind me , but i still identify with that character.
Can you zero in on anything that makes you feel you can't walk in through that door? Just wondering.
The lady i'm chatting to might be able to help. Potential partner. I'll probably just use it as an excuse to stay in doors though. I've met someone so now i don't need to do anything. Maybe i'll be happier that way? Relationships aren't necessarily the route to happiness either. Posting here is good because i get to type the way i'm feeling.