Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello.
I have not been diagnosed, but I have been reading the threads on here and the following apply to me:
obsessive exercise regime and feeling guilt for eating certain ‘bad’ foods that have a high calorie content.
routines that are detrimental and have resulted in lack of experimentation and exposure to more of what life might have to offer.
eating the same foods all the time.
a breakdown in communication with most of my family.
a lack of general care for the welfare of other humans.
an inability to express feelings or emotions about my fiancé.
obsessing over topics such as animal care, car construction and, for example, reading these threads.
reading over what I have written in an email over and over again.
repeatedly feeling like I say the wrong things in conversation and others feel awkward. looking away from others when I have to talk during a conversation.
obsessively picking at my fingertips and making them bleed. This is to ensure that there are no loose bits of skin.
being very sensitive or angry when I hear someone whistling, cutlery scraping on plates and people clearing their throats.
repeatedly being called “blunt” by colleagues.
in childhood:
taking toy cars and pretending to park them in designated spaces on a mat repeatedly.
I don’t remember much else about my childhood because I may have blocked it out due to sexual abuse by my father.
I am a 38 year old female teacher. How can I have got this far into life and only just realised that I might be autistic?
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Most days I don't say morning or goodnight to my wife because I just don't see the point of such niceties. I understand that greetings are social lubrication and will usually force out a good morning/hello/hi after judging people's faces quickly, but I see my wife daily so don't bother. For some reason it's much harder to muster with her, perhaps because I have the urge to be more like my real self at home.
Thanks for the recommendation, I will seek the book.
I need the corroboration for my own mental well-being. I want it to confirm why i have been the way I am, to help those few people who are close to me understand why I am the way I am and as a step toward dealing with certain situations better.
So has it been left?
Just because your mother implied that she thought you were normal (which is pretty common, as parents do not want to admit that there is something wrong with their children). You should still get a diagnosis either way? My wife was adamant (when she was interviewed by the Psychologist) that she did not think I have ASC but accepted I have issues in social situations. The irony is that when my wife did an AQ test, her score was as high as mine, but she decided there is no point pursuing it. Her father clearly had Aspergers and my mother had real problems socialising, so no wonder our son was diagnosed with Aspergers.
It is very genetic !
A low score 9n the EQ just means you lack Empathy and this usually coincides with a high AQ test. You may or may not be selfish, but I dont think that is necessarily an Austic trait ?
My problem is I remember almost nothing from my childhood - in fact, I struggle to recall anything involving long term memory. I read that autistic people tend to have very good long term memory but that definitely is not the case for me.
Hi, no I don't feel the need for an 'official' diagnosis .. I'm so very sure that I'm an Aspie - and the relief of having that understanding is enough
I should say on the ASQ test I scored 49 out of 50 - and disagreed with the answer on the other question of the 50 :-)
I've just read the book "Keep clear : my adventures with Aspergers" Tom Cutler .. very insightful -- all the way through I could easily draw parallels with my own life experience
I did it a few days ago and scored 10. Scored 44 on the ASQ. 40 years old, seeking diagnosis. I need the corroboration over and above the tests. What about you, are you going to pursue an 'official' diagnosis?
Hi All, I just joined the site. I feel this could be a good place to compare notes. I'm interested in this thread. I did the ASQ test some time ago (49/50) - it's what put me onto why I've felt out of place my whole life. I hadn't heard about the EQ test - I just did it - I scored 4 out of 80 .. hmm, not very empathic then :-) .. just happy to chat .. (I'm a 50-something chap from up t'North)
Thank you for the support. I have had professional help for the abuse. I haven’t read any books. Can you please recommend some if you have read any?
I got 11. ***. I am so selfish.
Thank you. I do see what you mean.
Well your scores pretty much seal the deal?
As per of my private assessment, I scored 41 and 7. There was another test the CAT-Q which showed signs of social masking and camouflaging. I didn't complete the RQ test as there were no relatives to interview about my early life. There were some generic questions about childhood, in my case it took me ages to tie my laces and neck ties, I was a late reader but I couldn't provide any information on how I got on as a child.
Hi NAS67493
I too have gone far in life without detection until I broke down with a counsellor and gave her an example of a situation I struggled with and she, after a few sessions, suggested I ask for autism test (I'm 45 btw). I have now gone through testing and have a semi diagnosis. Unfortunately, my mother gave crap evidence about my childhood by saying I was fine, so this failed me. Nevertheless, I was advised by the ASD testers to read books on ASD, particularly in women.
There are many other issues behind any diagnosis, such as depression, upbringing, etc., that old nature/nurture debate. However, some of the things you mention strike a chord with me. I enjoyed playing Lego with my brother and enjoyed the feeling of driving cars around made up Lego roads and watching as my brother reverse parked lorries, etc. I hate looking people in the eyes and tend to focus on the mouth area; for me, the eyes are far too intimate. I have often stuck my foot in it and have soooo many friends walk away from me.
Have you had therapy for your abuse? I suffered psychological and physical abuse and some of my needs were not met...
Have you read any books on ASD in women?
Big virtual hugs from me.
Pennie x
I replied already, this is a reply as I see You engaged with replying to, I think, the OP (opening Poster). Do not worry about replying to Me, now Sir/Madame (I forget which, sorry!)... focus upon that one. This also lowers stress as I said. You can reply to Me later if You want, or, just, well, a little vote-up or something... (!) Good Fortune to You, Yes Indeedy! I might sign off just to force Your stress down, nerrr...
...Neeeeek! A reply! Whoa! Awesome! Brilliant! A compilment? Run awaaay... wait, I have *stored* advice about this, so I shall try it... That is how I am thinking and so can post <> immediately before the unexpected happens again I run away...
...Um, yes, um thanks - I am glad to finally succeed at this (maybe)... hence I have other things to say/advise... this really would have made a good new Thread after all, yet a bit late just now...
I remember how I was going to end My previous Post now, so shall <> say that. It was about FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) which is an Internet Term. So far, this is just My advice (others are invited, though), no matter how much it feels bad to reply to a new stranger, leave off from doing this for now. Finish off whatever strangers are replied to, get it down to a level when there is less/no stress.
...Another thing I wanted to say, said before... as I type this, a reply has occurred and so that confuses Myself - again, but this time it is relevant. The Internet - as any Friendships are - can be unpredictable. Deal with that only when feeling able to do so (confidence), or else matters will "burn out", and *that* relates to the Main Topic of this Thread again, yes indeed I think. Too much stress, then We "burn out" & meltdown/shutdown.
...I have been here about 3-5 Years now, and got lucky, then lucky, then very very lucky. Now I am sort of just middling. Just keep at it, mind Yourself first, and help others when feeling strong about that.
I should end this Post now... it would be nice if others read it. In anycase it is somethings which I have learned about how to remain upon this Forum despite occasional adversity.
I'm in my early fifties. You know, this thing with high standards and black and white. On a good day I call it the need to be authentic.
All the things you think as weaknesses are strengths too. A weakness is just a strength that needs tuning or is spilling over too much to fit the situation.
I'm really sorry about the abuse. I can't think of what to say without sounding crass. Except deep down, I really believe people know what they've done.
I will just answer briefly.. Thanks. Either you read my mind or you're magical or probably a genius. My brain was indeed starting to do the night tricks and fraying at the edges just as described...getting heebie jeebies about replies.
Plectrum said:I'm so relieved that you replied, and we are still getting on. See, I have been stretching myself in order to join n here or there, I find it very taxing sometimes.
...You are still awesome. I blank out at direct responses, as You saw there, due to stress, but programmed Myself to try to at least say so before leaving e.g. "Sorry...feel the need to run away now.. not your fault... thank you for your reply..." ... that sort of thing. (If You look around there are very many instances of Me posting this!)
As We are currently aware of each other (um... "allies", I would say), then there is something which is very important I would like to say: often oppertunity is not given, yet it is now...
My own first rule for being upon here is *not to post if stressed or upset or tired*. I really wanted to say this to You (and certain others), once I notice posting a lot to very many Threads. It involves getting involved with a LOT of different people, and, Myself, I lay awake at times when I should be sleeping, composing Posts/replies in My head, worrying about others...
I wanted to say that some can see this in themselves and some cannot until it is too late, then they get SO STRESSED that they quit without saying anything or just delete themselves, leaving others to gossip/badmouth them as they left eveyone in a stressed mood.
...I think this is approaching Your good self 'Plectrum', so take it easy for now and restrict Your replies to newer Threads, until the Older/current ones are sort of sorted out. Also, do not be afraid to say that, as I sometimes do, that stress is taking over. Compose replies offline & post them later.
...Darn it, now there is a new post showing as I write this and so, yet again, I forget how to close this Post properly! I hope You understand what I write so far... it is so long it could (should) start a Thread of its own, really. (Do not stress out about this Forum or overwork Yourselves, ANYONE; Please take a break when that happens!)