Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello.
I have not been diagnosed, but I have been reading the threads on here and the following apply to me:
obsessive exercise regime and feeling guilt for eating certain ‘bad’ foods that have a high calorie content.
routines that are detrimental and have resulted in lack of experimentation and exposure to more of what life might have to offer.
eating the same foods all the time.
a breakdown in communication with most of my family.
a lack of general care for the welfare of other humans.
an inability to express feelings or emotions about my fiancé.
obsessing over topics such as animal care, car construction and, for example, reading these threads.
reading over what I have written in an email over and over again.
repeatedly feeling like I say the wrong things in conversation and others feel awkward. looking away from others when I have to talk during a conversation.
obsessively picking at my fingertips and making them bleed. This is to ensure that there are no loose bits of skin.
being very sensitive or angry when I hear someone whistling, cutlery scraping on plates and people clearing their throats.
repeatedly being called “blunt” by colleagues.
in childhood:
taking toy cars and pretending to park them in designated spaces on a mat repeatedly.
I don’t remember much else about my childhood because I may have blocked it out due to sexual abuse by my father.
I am a 38 year old female teacher. How can I have got this far into life and only just realised that I might be autistic?
Also, I hate saying good morning or afternoon to people because most people don’t really care what the response is.
I get really wound up about too many emails in my inbox and I prioritise work over my personal life too.
I love your list! These are great observations that resonate so much. I feel like your twin.
I do all these things and I've just spent the last two days trying to recover from emails that made me extremely agitated. Then tomorrow it starts all over again...
I've posted on here about eating disorders before but it seems its a relatively new connection with autism. Mine got worse during lockdown.
Glad Tidings to Plectrum... I hope You remember Me, so should know that I like & respect You and so herein mean no disrespect at all. But be careful with the term "eating disorders" since it is likely to conjure up images of things like Anorexia and Obesity, which I say have nothing to do with Autism, since plenty of Allistics (non-Autistics) have also.
...BUT- The sticking to certain foods and certain tastes/textures/smells --- Yes that is part of Autism! But I now doubt My own post but still think it is correct... because this leads onto many other topics/disorders/conditions which are not necessarily linked to Autism... I hope You get what I mean... Thanks a lot... (*Me trying to be very apologetic here.*)
I replied already, this is a reply as I see You engaged with replying to, I think, the OP (opening Poster). Do not worry about replying to Me, now Sir/Madame (I forget which, sorry!)... focus upon that one. This also lowers stress as I said. You can reply to Me later if You want, or, just, well, a little vote-up or something... (!) Good Fortune to You, Yes Indeedy! I might sign off just to force Your stress down, nerrr...
...Neeeeek! A reply! Whoa! Awesome! Brilliant! A compilment? Run awaaay... wait, I have *stored* advice about this, so I shall try it... That is how I am thinking and so can post <> immediately before the unexpected happens again I run away...
...Um, yes, um thanks - I am glad to finally succeed at this (maybe)... hence I have other things to say/advise... this really would have made a good new Thread after all, yet a bit late just now...
I remember how I was going to end My previous Post now, so shall <> say that. It was about FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) which is an Internet Term. So far, this is just My advice (others are invited, though), no matter how much it feels bad to reply to a new stranger, leave off from doing this for now. Finish off whatever strangers are replied to, get it down to a level when there is less/no stress.
...Another thing I wanted to say, said before... as I type this, a reply has occurred and so that confuses Myself - again, but this time it is relevant. The Internet - as any Friendships are - can be unpredictable. Deal with that only when feeling able to do so (confidence), or else matters will "burn out", and *that* relates to the Main Topic of this Thread again, yes indeed I think. Too much stress, then We "burn out" & meltdown/shutdown.
...I have been here about 3-5 Years now, and got lucky, then lucky, then very very lucky. Now I am sort of just middling. Just keep at it, mind Yourself first, and help others when feeling strong about that.
I should end this Post now... it would be nice if others read it. In anycase it is somethings which I have learned about how to remain upon this Forum despite occasional adversity.
I will just answer briefly.. Thanks. Either you read my mind or you're magical or probably a genius. My brain was indeed starting to do the night tricks and fraying at the edges just as described...getting heebie jeebies about replies.
Plectrum said:I'm so relieved that you replied, and we are still getting on. See, I have been stretching myself in order to join n here or there, I find it very taxing sometimes.
...You are still awesome. I blank out at direct responses, as You saw there, due to stress, but programmed Myself to try to at least say so before leaving e.g. "Sorry...feel the need to run away now.. not your fault... thank you for your reply..." ... that sort of thing. (If You look around there are very many instances of Me posting this!)
As We are currently aware of each other (um... "allies", I would say), then there is something which is very important I would like to say: often oppertunity is not given, yet it is now...
My own first rule for being upon here is *not to post if stressed or upset or tired*. I really wanted to say this to You (and certain others), once I notice posting a lot to very many Threads. It involves getting involved with a LOT of different people, and, Myself, I lay awake at times when I should be sleeping, composing Posts/replies in My head, worrying about others...
I wanted to say that some can see this in themselves and some cannot until it is too late, then they get SO STRESSED that they quit without saying anything or just delete themselves, leaving others to gossip/badmouth them as they left eveyone in a stressed mood.
...I think this is approaching Your good self 'Plectrum', so take it easy for now and restrict Your replies to newer Threads, until the Older/current ones are sort of sorted out. Also, do not be afraid to say that, as I sometimes do, that stress is taking over. Compose replies offline & post them later.
...Darn it, now there is a new post showing as I write this and so, yet again, I forget how to close this Post properly! I hope You understand what I write so far... it is so long it could (should) start a Thread of its own, really. (Do not stress out about this Forum or overwork Yourselves, ANYONE; Please take a break when that happens!)