Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello.
I have not been diagnosed, but I have been reading the threads on here and the following apply to me:
obsessive exercise regime and feeling guilt for eating certain ‘bad’ foods that have a high calorie content.
routines that are detrimental and have resulted in lack of experimentation and exposure to more of what life might have to offer.
eating the same foods all the time.
a breakdown in communication with most of my family.
a lack of general care for the welfare of other humans.
an inability to express feelings or emotions about my fiancé.
obsessing over topics such as animal care, car construction and, for example, reading these threads.
reading over what I have written in an email over and over again.
repeatedly feeling like I say the wrong things in conversation and others feel awkward. looking away from others when I have to talk during a conversation.
obsessively picking at my fingertips and making them bleed. This is to ensure that there are no loose bits of skin.
being very sensitive or angry when I hear someone whistling, cutlery scraping on plates and people clearing their throats.
repeatedly being called “blunt” by colleagues.
in childhood:
taking toy cars and pretending to park them in designated spaces on a mat repeatedly.
I don’t remember much else about my childhood because I may have blocked it out due to sexual abuse by my father.
I am a 38 year old female teacher. How can I have got this far into life and only just realised that I might be autistic?
Hi NAS67493
I too have gone far in life without detection until I broke down with a counsellor and gave her an example of a situation I struggled with and she, after a few sessions, suggested I ask for autism test (I'm 45 btw). I have now gone through testing and have a semi diagnosis. Unfortunately, my mother gave crap evidence about my childhood by saying I was fine, so this failed me. Nevertheless, I was advised by the ASD testers to read books on ASD, particularly in women.
There are many other issues behind any diagnosis, such as depression, upbringing, etc., that old nature/nurture debate. However, some of the things you mention strike a chord with me. I enjoyed playing Lego with my brother and enjoyed the feeling of driving cars around made up Lego roads and watching as my brother reverse parked lorries, etc. I hate looking people in the eyes and tend to focus on the mouth area; for me, the eyes are far too intimate. I have often stuck my foot in it and have soooo many friends walk away from me.
Have you had therapy for your abuse? I suffered psychological and physical abuse and some of my needs were not met...
Have you read any books on ASD in women?
Big virtual hugs from me.
Pennie x
So has it been left?
Just because your mother implied that she thought you were normal (which is pretty common, as parents do not want to admit that there is something wrong with their children). You should still get a diagnosis either way? My wife was adamant (when she was interviewed by the Psychologist) that she did not think I have ASC but accepted I have issues in social situations. The irony is that when my wife did an AQ test, her score was as high as mine, but she decided there is no point pursuing it. Her father clearly had Aspergers and my mother had real problems socialising, so no wonder our son was diagnosed with Aspergers.
It is very genetic !
Thank you for the support. I have had professional help for the abuse. I haven’t read any books. Can you please recommend some if you have read any?