Last week I was really stressed and completely couldn’t focus at work. I kept checking covid19 statistics and news every few minutes. So I’ve talked to my manager and asked for holiday. He decided to put me on furlough instead. Until the end of the month. I thought it would calm me down. It did but now I’m getting annoyed by my neighbours who are spending their days in their back gardens with their children, their barbecues and constant music. I know I’m fortunate to have a garden and I know it’s great that they have their gardens and can stay and enjoy the weather in their gardens but it’s driving me mad. Especially the music. And I don’t even want to leave house anymore, I don’t want to go for a walk, I don’t want to see anyone and I don’t want to know anything. I feel more hostile towards the humans, I don’t want to have anything to do with any of them and I just want them to leave me alone. 

Trogluddite said:

I hate to say it, but my natural list towards being a tad misanthropic is rapidly becoming a complete capsize. I am becoming utterly sick of other humans being anywhere near me and I want them all to disappear, or at least to shut them all up somehow. I can't help remembering that the word "barbarians" is where we get "blah, blah, blah" from - they were literally the people who were too uncivilised to be worth listening to. I don't care that I couldn't survive long if they did all go away - I'd rather die a quiet, peaceful death of Covid than suffer this cacophony for very much longer.

One of my favourite types of dreams is when it is as if everybody has left this planet without me and I am all alone, absolutely heaven sent dreams. 

Anyway ~ there is a mindfulness exercise that some people find useful when struggling with intense tinnitus (i.e., high pitched and loud volumed ringing, clicking, buzzing, grinding, hissing, grating and or roaring in the ears), where by one learns to listen more instead to the comparative silence ~ such as is present between spoken words and other sounds that actually allows us to differentiate between different levels and types of sound.

It is much the same as learning to listen to one particular instrument being played in a musical performance, such as the drums or a bass guitar in a band or a violin or oboe in an orchestra, or one particular voice in a harmony, only the comparative silence is sought to compensate for the excess noise, which can otherwise become an all possessing hypersensitivity.

Learning to hear and listen more to one’s inner silence may prove helpful, particularly involving one's aspergenic perserverance, rather than perhaps just feeling that one is at a loss for something deeper and more meaningful to do ~ aside from just putting up with or getting driven insane by the human hubbub, racket and din.

Some people find internally reading or quoting poetry and learning to appreciate the beauty of the words by way of the silence instead between and after completing them. One can even learn to appreciate the silence of letters as being containers or vessels of silence so that they may be heard or more actually 'sensed' with greater character.

I'm actually getting on okay with the restrictions. I am still at work, as I am classed as a key worker and most of my hobbies I do in the house anyway, like reading etc. So not much has changed for me.

The only thing I am finding hard is not being able to see my daughter when I want as me and her mom decided it best to isolate her as much as possible to keep her safe.

Hi. I'm really struggling with it too - everything feels very strange at the moment. I made myself a weekly lockdown timetable to try and build some structure back into my life. it includes time for relaxation; creative pursuits; exercise (although I skip this a lot!); 'free time' (where I do whatever I feel like); housework/cleaning; 'life admin' (like sorting car insurance or doing my emails); and work. I do have to be careful that I don't get stressed if I feel I'm not following the routine (e.g. if I'd planned to do housework but need to rest instead), but I am finding it's useful to look at if I'm not sure what to do with myself.

I'm just focusing on taking each day at a time, looking after my mental health and physical health as best I can. I had a really bad meltdown and felt exhausted today, so I had a long nap to try and recover, and that's helped a little.

You're not overreacting at all - it's challenging for everyone at the moment, but I think it's particularly hard for people like us, who already struggle with uncertainty and change.

I'm struggling rather badly at the moment. Ironically, I can't get as socially isolated as I usually prefer to be because of everyone else socially isolating. I'm really starting to suffer with the constant noise of neighbours all being at home all day long every day. Because of my financial circumstances, I'm in a bedsit in a terrace of old back-to-back houses - so I have three very thin party walls and a "party floor". Two party walls adjoin kids bedrooms, and I already have to put up with lost sleep because of a screaming baby on one side. But now there's TVs/music blaring out at all hours, kids quite literally bouncing of the walls sometimes out of sheer boredom, dogs yapping all day outside because people don't want them under their feet in the house, neighbours who are using lockdown to get noisy DIY jobs done, etc., etc. - it's a constant barrage that I have no way to get away from (I moved here precisely because it was usually so quiet - but the neighbours have all changed since I've been here).

There is no time of day or night that I'm not getting disturbed, and my excercise time isn't quiet either, as the only place I can reach is the same little park which is the only nearby green space - so that's full of barking dogs, screaming kids, and exasperated parents, too. I've tried going at different times of day, but there doesn't really seem to be a quiet period at a reasonable hour (and I'm a bit limited that way due to the effects that this is all having on my sleep and social anxiety - I'm too burned-out a lot of the time to be sure that I could speak coherently to anyone if I had to).

Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people who can use ear-plugs or even noise-cancelling headphones, as the residual sound that they leave is worse for me than not using them at all - it's my brain constantly trying to identify and decode sounds that's the problem, not the loudness. My executive functioning gets really messed up by any kind of noise, but especially the sound of voices or music - I can't ignore them no matter how quiet or indistinct they are (quiet and indistinct is often worst of all). Masking other people's noise with my own isn't much help either, as I'm not a person who ever makes much noise - I don't enjoy watching TV/films, and while I do listen to and make music (always on headphones), it is always an activity in it's own right, as I can't stand even my own noise if I'm trying to do anything else. There really is no such thing as "background noise" to me - I have craved complete silence my whole life, to the point of having regularly fantasised about deafening myself ever since I was a child.

It seems really strange to be complaining that I can't get far enough away from people when everyone else is complaining about the opposite, and I know from experience that trying to get people to compromise on this is impossible - whenever I've tried it, I get sympathetic enough looks and words, but it only takes five minutes before the next slammed door has me jumping out of my skin. I don't understand the apparent need to be constantly broadcasting every single action as loudly as possible and to have noise just for the sake of having noise - but it seems wired into human behaviour in a way that makes most people totally oblivious to it, and I have never been able to explain to them that it doesn't work that way for me. I suspect that the fact that I'm always so quiet is part of them problem - they very rarely hear a peep out of me, so they assume that I can't hear them, no matter how often I report otherwise.

Part of the reason that this is my first post for a while is because I'm taking the opportunity to do it while there's a rare break in the racket - I really haven't been able to use the forums otherwise, as I'm either shutting down or on the verge of a melt-down all the time, and I just cant' string my thoughts together or take in what other people have written. I desperately need some proper sleep, as I'm only getting 2-3 hours at a stretch whenever I can get it, and I'm on tenterhooks even during the odd lulls in the cacophony, because I know it will start up again any moment. I can usually just about cope with bank holiday weekends or the kids being off school because they're time limited and people aren't all cooped up indoors all of the time - but the current situation has my coping strategies beaten; it is just too relentless, too claustrophobic, and with no idea how long I might have to bear it.

It doesn't help that my usual online social places are now full of endless talk about the virus, and most of it is just pointless speculation, idiotic conspiracy theories, political sniping, or the same few jokes which wore thin weeks ago; all of which I am now thoroughly sick of reading. Seeing people helping each other out as they are here is great, of course, and I have no problem with Covid being the topic of conversation in that context; but otherwise, the vast majority of what I'm reading seems like yet more noise just for the sake of making noise, and I have lost all desire to take part any more.

I hate to say it, but my natural list towards being a tad misanthropic is rapidly becoming a complete capsize. I am becoming utterly sick of other humans being anywhere near me and I want them all to disappear, or at least to shut them all up somehow. I can't help remembering that the word "barbarians" is where we get "blah, blah, blah" from - they were literally the people who were too uncivilised to be worth listening to. I don't care that I couldn't survive long if they did all go away - I'd rather die a quiet, peaceful death of Covid than suffer this cacophony for very much longer.

I appreciate everyone's position on this and I'm sorry for those having a rough time.   

Right now, I'm ok with it all - I'm enjoying the peace & quiet and I'm a bit of a hermit anyway - I've got lots of hobbies and the internet is my window to the world - so the only thing that's bugging me is not being able to go to the shops for what I want, when I want.

I do the week's shopping early in the morning at Sainsburys during their vulnerable/old fart hour.  My car is currently averaging 3 weeks to the gallon! 

I have lived a lot of my life in similar circumstances to this anyway so it is not really affecting me too much other than putting my career slightly on hold. I enjoy being alone and I am just trying to enoy the free time

Personally I am doing pretty good. Been furloughed from work for a week. was massivley anxious about that and not having money but am ok now. My wife is working from home 4 days a week and goes in the spare bedroom and I go downstairs. I work from home lots anyway so am genrally trying to keep the same routine. I only go for a walk at lunchtime and still get up at the same time each morning. I stil try and let weekends be weekends. It would be so diffrent if I had a normal job and went to a office and that would freak me out. 

My dad is in hospital and probably has Covid19, should know today, he is old but strong. However there is nothing I can do so I have to put it to the back of my mind.Maybe my Alexithymia helps in that case.

Keep going guys, it is difficult for many people at the moment. It will be over not too long from now, stay strong.

I am usually ok, but now and then I get panicky. Is more of an inward panic. 

It is 0453 and I am still awake. I was going to go to sleep at about half an hour ago (Well. My internal time clock is out as my nephew is awake chatting to friends on the internet until 0500am (He is not in school and hast to live here at the moment))... And my lady friend was chatting to me via the internet... And I have heartburn! Well. My Mum had baked some biscuit things as we are not going out much for food (A bit stressful to be honest)...

But anyway... I am coping, but I am normally semi active sort of person as in the past I was cycling fairly often, but since the last three burnouts. Well. I got right after the one ans got back on the bike. When I was ok with a short spin of about 5 to 6 miles involving a steep hill to get home, I then took another part time short term job as I had no income (After burnout I was not feeling like going through the stress of looking for work, so I didn't sign on. Back then I didn't know it was called burnout or what the shutdowns were (I just was never able to explain them to doctors in says that they understood), so I was taking long rests without an income, and when working, I was only doing about 12 to 16 hours a week spread over about three or four days a week. 

I then had burnout towards the end of the job (Temporary work) and took a rest with no income again. (When working over half my pay went in travelling costs as I was on minimum wage and payin emergency tax (Which they did send back and I am very greatful for). So eventually I was just back able to cycle again, and another temporary job came up, and so the process repeated again. Then it happened a third time. I hadn't really got back on the bike when I was invited to do another temporary job at the same place. By this time I had managed to find out a bit more about autism, which gave me a determination (Just before the job I took) to ask a doctor if I had adpergers syndrome and I found myself on the list to be assessed) and so I started working again. I was not quite sure I was ready but I needed to keep a car on the road as if no car, it is a few miles walk to a bus stop, and my Mums of pension age and finds she can't walk back up the hill any more, so basically I was trapped. Risk another burnout and have use of a car or don't take the job and loose the car. (I was also slowly selling my model railway collection which is still larger then average as it is my main special interest. I will always keep a bit back as I can't really live without some trains! I think in trains so you get the idea!) 

But though I then found out what these shutdowns were, and I was trying to work through strings of partial shutdowns and somehow complete the work that was required of me and I was constantly fighting off full shutdowns... So by the time the job had ended (A couple of months to cover the peak time in the summer) I had hit some major burnout and for a few weeks I was struggling to walk etc. I actually found out that there was an open day with the autism team in my area the very day after I finished work. I was in such a mess and did not really know for sure that it was shutdoens I was experiencing. I drove down, parked the car and managed to find the place which included a walk when I really wasn't up to walking, but I did it. 

When they saw me they could tell I was in a mess, and the one guy turned to the lady who was the psycologist and said "He needs to be assessed urgently" though they said they doubted that they were allowed to queue jump (I have recovered a bit since then so I am managing). Well. I am half way down their list so is only about a year left to aait or less... Though I suspect this virus has delayed things?) 

But what I am saying. As I was able to open out for the first time in my life to a medical professional (The autism people) which I had not expected to be able to do... But when I found out that the man actually knew exactly what I was describing and not only believed me but was able to almost confirm that I was describing  shutdown.... And I then opened up. It all just came out! I was a little embarissed as I had said how most of the time I had no income and was selling trains to help keep the car on the road... Well. They helped me get a note to my doctor (Who I still have not been able to say much to her as I tend to clam up a bit with doctors and others) and she was happy to sign me off sick until I am assessed, and though I needed help to do that as it is all online, once I did it the benefits office staff have been excellent. So both my current doctors, the autism team and the benefits office staff have been absolutely fantastic! 

But going back to the point. I have only been out two or three shortish trips on the bicycles in the past few years. 

And I have not cycled at all since last summer. I am just coming round to start some short trips to get back into it now when the lockdown started. So I have had no access to exercize as I find I can't jog or run. Only cycle. Ten minutes is not enough time as whicever direction I head out is dosn hill, and it takes me at least half an hour to come back up, so I can't cycle. I also can't get work down on the car as I would have to cycle back which is about an hour and a half ride in one direction, so it is way over the ten minutes allowed... So I am going easy in the car at the moment. The brakes work fine so at least it's safe! 

So exercise is my main concern as I have hardly had any in two years now, and my leg muscles are half the size they were only a few years ago as I had very strong cycling legs. 

Ah well. Maybe in about six months to a years time... I have put on quite a bit of weight since I stopped cycling! Oops!

I think we maybe similar when I was a child if I was stressed I would run, it wasn’t running as in a typical runner I would jun run Lund and round and refuse to stop when teachers tried to get me to. As an adult I would drive somewhere that would be quiet even if I didnt stay there long, also I hide in my house lots so don’t understand why lockdown is so hard for me.

I know what you mean about panicking, panic attacks really take it out of me I hope your not struggling too much 

I used to like Home Alone. TV is driving me nuts at the min, I cant seem to get into anything on television at the min I am just too distracted. Facebook is also driving me nuts, everybody is just arguing about the rules and disagreeing on what the rules are. I am also worrying that when this is over things will have changed and what I do each week will be different, I’m trying to think of new ways of doing things if I have to change but obviously that’s impossible because I have no idea what will change.

The only thing that seems to work for me is to stay in bed. When I was ill before I got a but hooked on some pills and they would really help now but I am not allowed which is a pain.

Hopefully this will be over soon 

Thank you but dont want to waste any bodies time

For me, though I tend to be a natural introvert, when I get stressed, I go for a long countryside drive and I find that I de-stress while driving. I relax... 

But with this lockdown I find a panic when I can't do this. 

I hate the changes, too. However, the past few years have taught me valuable life skills. (watching the original 'Home Alone' at a Theatre in Dun Laogahire - Christmas before last - also helped)

Facebook is inundated with meme jokes about eating too much during the Lockdown, as well as women being unable to do their hair and makeup while staying inside. However, I have found that coffee and tea are the best appetite suppressors in God's green earth. Also, a woman I talk to from Toronto says that beauty products are much cheaper on Amazon. Still, nothing beats watching Loose Women - or the same episode of Poirot every fortnight on ITV3, eh?

Thank God I no longer care about TV. Plus, my internet isn't fast enough for Prime/Netflix. This morning, I saw the online mass for my Parish for Palm Sunday. (first day of Holy Week)

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