Useful tips for an NT

Thank you very much Deepthought, this is all very helpful to me and maybe others too. I will go away and have a read. I've been trying not to use the term 'normal people' to describe the majority who find social interactions etc easy so it's useful to know. I'm learning all the time.

I can only speak for myself, not your other half, but I would say the following from my personal experience (which may/may not apply)

* Just because something doesn't appear to register, doesn't mean it doesn't. He may love you very much, but that won't always be obvious from his facial expressions etc. He may also feel anxious, or hurt and that won't always be apparent.

* Mean what you say. Don't come out with ambiguous statements (a lot of women do I'm afraid).

* He may lack a bit of confidence in himself, and be trying to second guess you a lot.

* Sometimes he may miss something, this is not because he doesn't care about you, but because he overlooks it through no fault of his own.

* Despite the look of outward signs, he is probably really into you. I tend to find I get very focussed on someone when I like them.

* He'll sometimes need peace and quiet and some time to himself. This isn't a rejection of you.

* He is probably quite uncomfortable meeting large groups of people e.g. parties etc.

I think your best route is to talk to him, rather than trying to read him. I have had women tell me I'm very hard to read. These are my personal experiences, and he will be slightly different.

It is good that you are asking these questions, because it shows you're working at your side of the relationship. These things are usually very difficult for someone on the spectrum.

Tinyexplorer said:

Deepthought said:

people who exhibit more unusual behavior in terms of diverging or differing from the behavioral norm such as with Autism or Asperger's Syndrome.

Are there really well defined 'official' definitions? :)

Well a really well defined 'official' one might be the following one from Wikipedia possibly?:

Neurodiversity describes a basic aspect of natural difference within a given species. The term was popularized in the late 1990s by Australian sociologist Judy Singer and American journalist Harvey Blume to refer to variation in the human brain regarding sociability, learning, attention, mood and other mental functions in a non-pathological sense.^[1] The term emerged as a challenge to prevailing views that certain neurodevelopmental disorders are inherently pathological and instead adopts the social model of disability, in which societal barriers are the main contributing factor that disables people.^[2][3]

The subsequent neurodiversity paradigm has been controversial among autism advocates, with opponents saying that its conceptualization of the autism spectrum doesn't reflect the realities of individuals who have high support needs.^[4][5][6]

^{https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurodiversity}

Tinyexplorer said:

I was under impression that ND, or neurodivergent stands for neurologically different, i.e. people with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dispraxia etc. The neurological difference affects and defines to a large extent the way people come across.

I was under a similar impression in terms of describing the same state of affairs in a slightly different way, which you added to with the ADHD, dyslexia and dyspraxia etc for further clarification. :-)

Deepthought said:

people who exhibit more unusual behavior in terms of diverging or differing from the behavioral norm such as with Autism or Asperger's Syndrome.

Are there really well defined 'official' definitions? :)

I was under impression that ND, or neurodivergent stands for neurologically different, i.e. people with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dispraxia etc. The neurological difference affects and defines to a large extent the way people come across.

frenz said:

What does 'NT' mean please? I'm new to all this, I've seen this a few times in these forums but don't know what it is! Thank you.

There is NT, NA and ND as meaning Neurologically Typical, Atypical and Divergent ~ with NT's referring to those who think and behave in the normal more generalized way; NA's the slightly more eccentric way usually associated with Personae (usually but incorrectly referred to as Personality) Disorders, epilepsy and or gender variations, and ND's referring to people who exhibit more unusual behavior in terms of diverging or differing from the behavioral norm such as with Autism or Asperger's Syndrome.

Most people just use the term Neuro' Typical (or NT) to refer to those who are not on the autistic spectrum, and Neuro' Divergent (ND) is used to refer to those who are on the autistic spectrum.

There are few on the spectrum who are not so obviously divergent from the norm in behavioral terms (i.e. those who can 'fit in', 'mask' or 'socially camouflage' themselves) that prefer to think of and call themselves as being Neuro' Atypical (or NA).

Here follows a thread link covering several takes on the NA consideration if you feel inclined to understand it a bit more:

What does 'NT' mean please? I'm new to all this, I've seen this a few times in these forums but don't know what it is! Thank you.

HelpingMia said:

Any help or tips are all very welcome.

Maybe read 'The Complete Guide Asperger's Syndrome' book; by Tony Attwood, which costs about £20 new, or is available free as a PDF by way of the following link:

http://www.autismforthvalley.co.uk/files/5314/4595/7798/Attwood-Tony-The-Complete-Guide-to-Aspergers-Syndrome.pdf

Also have a look at the following list of books and at least perhaps consider reading 'Look Me In The Eye ~ My Life with Asperger's' book; by John Elder Robison, to provide a bit of insight from what some might call a "stereotypical" male's point of view ~ via the following link:

https://www.everydayhealth.com/autism/living-with/best-autism-aspergers-books/

And just as DuckBread states regarding individuality and individual requirements in relationships, consider the following question and answer perhaps:

IBCCES Board Member and international speaker Dr. Stephen Shore was recently interviewed by Lime Connect. Read on for an excerpt and a link to the full interview delving into Dr. Shore’s perspective as a professor and professional who happens to be on the autism spectrum:

Lime Connect: You’ve famously said, “If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.” Why is that an important point for people to understand about their interactions with individuals with autism, in particular?

Dr. Stephen Shore: This quote emphasizes that there is great diversity within the autism spectrum. While the commonalities of people on the autism spectrum include differences in communication, social interaction, sensory receptivity, and highly focused interests, it’s important to understand that the constellation of these characteristics blends together differently for each individual. This is why some on the spectrum are good at mathematics while other may be good in their arts, sports, or writing – just like the rest of humanity. Autism is an extension of the diversity found in the human gene pool.

https://ibcces.org/blog/2018/03/23/12748/

I'm not an autistic man, but that seems like an impossible question to answer. Everyone has different ideas of what they want from their relationship, their life etc. - one autistic man will want an entirely different type of relationship to another. I think your partner's the only one who can truly answer this question for you. If he struggles to communicate it verbally, maybe you could both write each other a letter explaining what you love about each other, which elements of the relationship you find challenging, what's important to you (in your relationship and in life), and how you could better support one another. You could then compare the two and look at areas where you might find a middle ground.