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Useful tips for an NT

HelpingMia

I’m finding so much of you’re help so insightful and it is helping me understand bits and pieces about my partner and the relationship. I posted yesterday and got great advice so thankyou for that :) 
Id love lots of responses to this so I can find a solid understanding. 
What exactly does an ASD man want from his NT girlfriend? In all aspects of the relationship? We are in our early 30’s have children (from previous relationships) and own a house together so I feel like there are actual commitments here. We established he had ASD about a year or so into the relationship and have been trying since to figure out ways to make it work. Any help or tips are all very welcome. I love my partner so much and very much want it to work and for us both to be happy. 

Parents

  • I can only speak for myself, not your other half, but I would say the following from my personal experience (which may/may not apply)

    * Just because something doesn't appear to register, doesn't mean it doesn't. He may love you very much, but that won't always be obvious from his facial expressions etc. He may also feel anxious, or hurt and that won't always be apparent.

    * Mean what you say. Don't come out with ambiguous statements (a lot of women do I'm afraid).

    * He may lack a bit of confidence in himself, and be trying to second guess you a lot.

    * Sometimes he may miss something, this is not because he doesn't care about you, but because he overlooks it through no fault of his own.

    * Despite the look of outward signs, he is probably really into you. I tend to find I get very focussed on someone when I like them.

    * He'll sometimes need peace and quiet and some time to himself. This isn't a rejection of you.

    * He is probably quite uncomfortable meeting large groups of people e.g. parties etc.

    I think your best route is to talk to him, rather than trying to read him. I have had women tell me I'm very hard to read. These are my personal experiences, and he will be slightly different.

    It is good that you are asking these questions, because it shows you're working at your side of the relationship. These things are usually very difficult for someone on the spectrum.

Reply

  • I can only speak for myself, not your other half, but I would say the following from my personal experience (which may/may not apply)

    * Just because something doesn't appear to register, doesn't mean it doesn't. He may love you very much, but that won't always be obvious from his facial expressions etc. He may also feel anxious, or hurt and that won't always be apparent.

    * Mean what you say. Don't come out with ambiguous statements (a lot of women do I'm afraid).

    * He may lack a bit of confidence in himself, and be trying to second guess you a lot.

    * Sometimes he may miss something, this is not because he doesn't care about you, but because he overlooks it through no fault of his own.

    * Despite the look of outward signs, he is probably really into you. I tend to find I get very focussed on someone when I like them.

    * He'll sometimes need peace and quiet and some time to himself. This isn't a rejection of you.

    * He is probably quite uncomfortable meeting large groups of people e.g. parties etc.

    I think your best route is to talk to him, rather than trying to read him. I have had women tell me I'm very hard to read. These are my personal experiences, and he will be slightly different.

    It is good that you are asking these questions, because it shows you're working at your side of the relationship. These things are usually very difficult for someone on the spectrum.

Children
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