I am a female with autism. Something that I have felt most of my life is that I feel more masculine than feminine in my inner self however outwardly I definitely look feminine such as makeup and I do my hair etc but inwardly I feel and see myself as more of a male. Has anyone experienced this?
I deeply appologise not only did I "autopilot" a rather unique colliquialism word but I also typo-ed it, so it made zero sense. I have since edited and fixed that sentence line. Also edited to remove specific mention of gender assigned at birth as I'm not comfortable disclosing that all to often either.
I am AGAB (assinged a binary gender at birth)* but I've since realised I have always been at odds with this as to be cisgender is to identify with your assigned birth gender, which I do not which makes me transgender "by default", and actually I'm nonbinary. Expression is different from identity though and a feminine expression doesn't invalidate your identity. To repeat a popular NB phrase "femmes can be thems". Have you heard of the genderbread person? While it's used primarily as a chart it is also helpful because it tacitly explains quite a bit of gender variance that can in fact exist simultaneously.
I would not be at all surprised if the overlap between gender non conformity and ASC came down to the fact that we simply don't subscribe to a lot of social "norms" which includes gender, and gender roles.
*(also questionable as I may actually have a phenotype which is somewhat incongruous with my genotype, which hasn't actualy been tested but is merely assumed to be XX, and may not actually be, but pls excuse me if that's as far as I'm willing to disclose at this precise moment.)
Yes and I've started presenting masculine by wearing men's clothes, hairstyle, glasses, etc. I've even started dying my facial hair dark to try to make it more noticeable. I still get interpreted as female 99% of the time but I've found people make fewer heteronormative assumptions about me and I get bothered a lot less by men in the street
I absolutely can attest to this , I thought it was only me tho … I once told this guy I was dating that I felt like my past like was a boy … I didn’t always feel this way until I would say 21 and I’m currently 23 , I also recognize that I’m also starting to develop masculine features
I loathed those romantic movies where it is clear the man is angling for a kiss and more as the drama develops. At 11 I wanted to be good at football and fantasised abput being a footballer, though sadly I would never have had either the stamina nor the coordination to be a good one. Still, there are good women's football teams now.
So I didn't want to be forced into feminine roles, then I read an Enid Blyton featuring the character George, and I decided to be a stereotypical Tomboy. I had never read the Famous Five ones before, George was a little too close in her temperament to mine, plus she was always getting into trouble with strict authority figures,vwhich was disturbing too.
Hormones are weird things though, the absence of them after menopause certainly made we wonder what all the urges and feelings they bring were all about.
Just be who you are. It's their problem if they have an issue with it.
Gender is as much it's own spectrum as is autism and society and media both have a lot of maturing to do to understand and accept it.
Time was when girls could be tomboys and nothing more was made of it, I was in the tomboy era and wasn't challenged about gender.
School taught us about being good housewives and mothers - too Stepford Wives! I wanted to be an astronaut.
Sloppy-Jo t-shirts/jumpers, leggings/yoga pants/knee length fitted skirt & Doc Martens, plain, no frills, no fuss.
Soft, comfy, protection from the elements.
I hate the feel of make up suffocating my skin, it is putting a lie on your face, an NT masking device to be someone you want to portray to the world.
I've always been more comfortable in male workplaces, guys are more straightforward.
I'm a straight, non-conformist, anti-stereotyping rebelliously tomboy female, So What?! Live with it society!
Interesting post.
I've always felt more feminine than masculine. I prefer the company of women, and often find men vaguely threatening. As a child, too, I used to have dreams of being a girl.
An Aspie friend has told me I come across as more typically Aspie female than male, though she's never been able to convincingly explain why - except to say that she knows many Aspies of both sexes, and she thinks of me more as a female!
Yep, have alter ego I refer to as Mr. Herbary. Always felt masculine inside and drawn to what would traditionally called manly pursuits, like fixing things, building, getting dirty...could out dig and chop trees quicker than most blokes I worked with and figure out engineering problems or solutions when they scratched their heads. I do women stuff too, but defo more blokey or should I say androgynous?
Tony Attwood talks about girls who are perceived to be ‘different’ by their same-gender peers being more accepted by boys, and vice versa. A liking for Lego, trousers, playing with and having similar interests to boys, whilst disliking uncomfortable dresses and other girls (who can be cruel), might lead to the assumption ‘I must be a boy’ or more boyish.
The evidence for the female autistic brain having increased masculine characteristics and the male autistic brain having less masculine characteristics would fit with this view (Bejerotetal, 2012). Also, if an autistic child is not tuned in to what the social norms for children of their gender are, they are probably less likely to adopt them early in life.
i am ‘me’ I mainly were trousers and tshirts|jumpers as they are easy to wear and as an active person more practical for me than a pretty dress. I also tend to steer my self from my head and not my physical self so tend to dissociate from what I might look like, what I’m wearing and how others may perceive my external shell.
i also dress to reduce attention to myself...I don’t want to stand out ...just given the opportunity to be quietly me.
Hi. Gender and sex was something that seemed off to me the 1st time I found out what they really mean. Its always been clear to me (for me) that gender is my socially constructed self and my sex is whats between my legs and does not dictate my behavior. Now My sex is male but I've identified as (more) female from about the age of 8. I still look like a hairy old man but and I did make a conscious decision over the years to 'learn' male and be 'male' to fit in but my self image is not what you would think by looking at me (I'm generally considered to large and intimidating much to my amusement). A few more steps to the left on the evolutionary tree and we would all be able to change sex at will to one, the other, or anything in between.
Absolutely, I am female recently diagnosed and all my life I've had comments about having 'masculine' traits. I think this has been more to do with how I think and act rather than look, although I've also had many comments about having slightly more masculine features called rough edges! and not being very 'girly'. At university when I was younger an arts lecturer's wife spotted me walking past a cafe and asked me to model as a native american warrior for illustrations they were doing, this was because of my 'build' and how I looked with that. I turned them down because I thought it was weird and I've always regretted it because I can't believe I ever looked that attractive.
Several of my intense interests over the years have also been considered 'masculine' like technology used in motorsport. My previous partner's friend once asked him if I was gay because of the way I looked at other women. I definitely am not attracted to women sexually, but there might be something visually about them that catches my eye and keeps me staring, sometimes they just look like big dolls to me and maybe that's weird, don't know. Or it might come form studying and copying them over the years to try to be more 'womanly' as I always had that feeling of being 'different'. I was running around on my own making tree swings, making go carts or stilts from my mums wooden washing poles while my sisters played with their girls world. I did try that but didn't get further than putting the lipstick on it before going off and doing these other things. In my last job, I remember trying to have a conversation with a female colleague who loved fashion, particularly shoes and handbags, usually I'd just avoid those scenarios as I am not a fan of fashion, but decided to give it a really good try and it was agonising. I'm sure in those situations my 'masking' comes across as people have often said they think I'm being pretentious, well, they're right, I am 'pretending' to be like them but feel anything but. A phrase I read somewhere years ago was that 'fashion is something so ugly it needs to be changed every 15 minutes' that's my feeling of it, but I do like 'nice' clothes just not high fashion which is utterly ridiculous to me as I'm sure motorsport technology interest would be to an fashionista.
Always a jeans and t-shirt girl until I got older and a bit fatter and don't look as great in jeans now, so I were mostly practical outdoor clothes, but I am also a lover of the outdoors and used to do a lot of climbing etc before I got a physical illness.
Ironically, I have quite a collection of 'skincare' products but it's because I'm obsessed with chemical's in everything from food to skin care products but it's no wonder as I have hyper-sensitive skin that just burns and stings if I use 'conventional' products. But I never can just learn a little or know just enough, I break everything down to the last detail. I only wear make-up to cover up my sensitive skin which makes me feel self conscious, although I've not even worn that for a while now. I've always thought it ironic that you need to have really good skin to begin with to wear make-up and have it look natural and that people with skin already like that wear make-up to cover it up, what is with that? totally bemusing to me.
For me though, I think these are 'superficial' traits as far as Autism is concerned as many women could relate to this who aren't Autistic, as its all the underlying social, communication and behaviour issues that define the Autism diagnosis, no? I'm just slowly understanding little bits myself as recently diagnosed and still trying to work it all out, so for all I know I could be way off with this.
No idea of social rules on forums either, so not sure If I'm meant to properly announce my official diagnosis given last week of Autism Spectrum Disorder at the age of 49.
That's it then for now.
If I may reply as a parent: it seems there is a strong connection between ASD and variously, gender dysphoria and identifying neutral. Certainly there is a large overlap in the people I meet at the two sorts of groups. So yes, there must be many who feel something similar at least.
As a female, I reject the roles shoved at me and wonder whether this is added to the rejection of the neurotypical behaviour stereotype. My child is adamant that there is more than this and I accept that.
If I may advise anything: be careful that in rejecting one identity, you do not get drawn into another just because it is not the first.
Good luck with finding your zone
It's more common for autistic people not to fit in with gender expectations. Some are transgender (if you feel like a man, maybe you actually are a man with an unconventional body), some are non-binary (not feeling either male or female). Others are content with their assigned gender, but not concerned with fitting in with the attached stereotypes. All valid ways to be.
I can relate to some of your points, people say that I am feminine but inside I don't feel like it.
I do wear sports clothes but that is because I am a power lifter and I am training 4 times a week. When I am not training I wear hoodies trainers which are mens trainers and jeans. I use mens deodorant and shower gel, I do wear mens aftershave sometimes. But I can't cope with body hair and I shave everyday and have done since puberty as I hate the feel.
When I wear a dress I feel wrong and like I am in alien clothing and hate it. I do wear a bit of makeup tinted moisturiser and bronzer because I like tanned skin. I do my nails but again that's because I have to have all my nails looking the same. I do my hair everyday because I can't have one hair out of place, I have been like this since a child I used to get really upset if my hair was slightly out of place drove my mom mad.
But when I think in my head the inner voice is deep like a male voice.
I have two extremes of interests I am very creative so I am often creating anything from furniture to creating different hairstyles for my daughter. I also like research and as I said I am a power lifter.
As self-diagnosed with AS i can relate to this
When i have asked a few people for their opinion i have been told by one that im not a tomboy as i dont wear sports clothes (i didnt think it was just sports clothes tomboys wore?) I have also been told by another that i do appear feminine. Inside i dont feel this.
My female counterparts are unconventional but i still feel they can *do* feminine. I can *do* girlie to some exrent (ie put on a dress and nice shoes for a wedding) but its not really me. I think theres a difference between feminine and girlie. One is inbuilt the other is for show.
I do wear makeup for work. Only a bit to freshen up my face. Im more than happy to not wear it. My make up routine is the same for work as it is for special occasions. And im not kidding when i say it takes me less than 2 minutes to apply it. My style is jumpers, jeans and a pair of clarks originals. I love the look of clarks as they are quite boyish. If im going out its a sparkly jumper and black jeans. I do have my own style and i think its quite cool. Im lucky to have thick wavy hair which requires little attention. I get the "wash and wear" aspect of spme females with AS but no-one wpuld ever know. I can go for weeks not shaving my legs. I walked past a wedding dress shop yesterday and saw some dresses in the window. I actually went "URGH" to myself.
My style and habits are not from some feminine stance as would be with some of my friends. Just things are either not on my radar or i dont feel they are necessary or comfortable.
Amended- i mean feminist stance not feminine stance
