Female with autism feels masculine rather than feminine

Absolutely, I am female recently diagnosed and all my life I've had comments about having 'masculine' traits. I think this has been more to do with how I think and act rather than look, although I've also had many comments about having slightly more masculine features called rough edges! and not being very 'girly'. At university when I was younger an arts lecturer's wife spotted me walking past a cafe and asked me to model as a native american warrior for illustrations they were doing, this was because of my 'build' and how I looked with that. I turned them down because I thought it was weird and I've always regretted it because I can't believe I ever looked that attractive.

Several of my intense interests over the years have also been considered 'masculine' like technology used in motorsport. My previous partner's friend once asked him if I was gay because of the way I looked at other women. I definitely am not attracted to women sexually, but there might be something visually about them that catches my eye and keeps me staring, sometimes they just look like big dolls to me and maybe that's weird, don't know. Or it might come form studying and copying  them over the years to try to be more 'womanly' as I always had that feeling of being  'different'. I was running around on my own making tree swings, making go carts or stilts from my mums wooden washing poles while my sisters played with their girls world. I did try that but didn't get further than putting the lipstick on it before going off and doing these other things. In my last job, I remember trying to have a conversation with a female colleague who loved fashion, particularly shoes and handbags, usually I'd just avoid those scenarios as I am not a fan of fashion, but decided to give it a really good try and it was agonising. I'm sure in those situations my 'masking' comes across as people have often said they think I'm being pretentious, well, they're right, I am 'pretending' to be like them but feel anything but. A phrase I read somewhere years ago was that 'fashion is something so ugly it needs to be changed every 15 minutes' that's my feeling of it, but I do like 'nice' clothes just not high fashion which is utterly ridiculous to me as I'm sure motorsport technology interest would be to an fashionista.

Always a jeans and t-shirt girl until I got older and a bit fatter and don't look as great in jeans now, so I were mostly practical outdoor clothes, but I am also a lover of the outdoors and used to do a lot of climbing etc before I got a physical illness.

Ironically, I have quite a collection of 'skincare' products but it's because I'm obsessed with chemical's in everything from food to skin care products but it's no wonder as I have hyper-sensitive skin that just burns and stings if I use 'conventional' products. But I never can just learn a little or know just enough, I break everything down to the last detail. I only wear make-up to cover up my sensitive skin which makes me feel self conscious, although I've not even worn that for a while now. I've always thought it ironic that you need to have really good skin to begin with to wear make-up and have it look natural and that people with skin already like that wear make-up to cover it up, what is with that? totally bemusing to me. 

For me though, I think these are 'superficial' traits as far as Autism is concerned as many women could relate to this who aren't Autistic, as its all the underlying social, communication and behaviour issues that define the Autism diagnosis, no? I'm just slowly understanding little bits myself as recently diagnosed and still trying to work it all out, so for all I know I could be way off with this.

No idea of social rules on forums either, so not sure If I'm meant to properly announce my official diagnosis given last week of Autism Spectrum Disorder at the age of 49. 

That's it then for now.

Absolutely, I am female recently diagnosed and all my life I've had comments about having 'masculine' traits. I think this has been more to do with how I think and act rather than look, although I've also had many comments about having slightly more masculine features called rough edges! and not being very 'girly'. At university when I was younger an arts lecturer's wife spotted me walking past a cafe and asked me to model as a native american warrior for illustrations they were doing, this was because of my 'build' and how I looked with that. I turned them down because I thought it was weird and I've always regretted it because I can't believe I ever looked that attractive.

Several of my intense interests over the years have also been considered 'masculine' like technology used in motorsport. My previous partner's friend once asked him if I was gay because of the way I looked at other women. I definitely am not attracted to women sexually, but there might be something visually about them that catches my eye and keeps me staring, sometimes they just look like big dolls to me and maybe that's weird, don't know. Or it might come form studying and copying  them over the years to try to be more 'womanly' as I always had that feeling of being  'different'. I was running around on my own making tree swings, making go carts or stilts from my mums wooden washing poles while my sisters played with their girls world. I did try that but didn't get further than putting the lipstick on it before going off and doing these other things. In my last job, I remember trying to have a conversation with a female colleague who loved fashion, particularly shoes and handbags, usually I'd just avoid those scenarios as I am not a fan of fashion, but decided to give it a really good try and it was agonising. I'm sure in those situations my 'masking' comes across as people have often said they think I'm being pretentious, well, they're right, I am 'pretending' to be like them but feel anything but. A phrase I read somewhere years ago was that 'fashion is something so ugly it needs to be changed every 15 minutes' that's my feeling of it, but I do like 'nice' clothes just not high fashion which is utterly ridiculous to me as I'm sure motorsport technology interest would be to an fashionista.

Always a jeans and t-shirt girl until I got older and a bit fatter and don't look as great in jeans now, so I were mostly practical outdoor clothes, but I am also a lover of the outdoors and used to do a lot of climbing etc before I got a physical illness.

Ironically, I have quite a collection of 'skincare' products but it's because I'm obsessed with chemical's in everything from food to skin care products but it's no wonder as I have hyper-sensitive skin that just burns and stings if I use 'conventional' products. But I never can just learn a little or know just enough, I break everything down to the last detail. I only wear make-up to cover up my sensitive skin which makes me feel self conscious, although I've not even worn that for a while now. I've always thought it ironic that you need to have really good skin to begin with to wear make-up and have it look natural and that people with skin already like that wear make-up to cover it up, what is with that? totally bemusing to me. 

For me though, I think these are 'superficial' traits as far as Autism is concerned as many women could relate to this who aren't Autistic, as its all the underlying social, communication and behaviour issues that define the Autism diagnosis, no? I'm just slowly understanding little bits myself as recently diagnosed and still trying to work it all out, so for all I know I could be way off with this.

No idea of social rules on forums either, so not sure If I'm meant to properly announce my official diagnosis given last week of Autism Spectrum Disorder at the age of 49. 

That's it then for now.

The thing I like about these boards is that the only social rules seem to be kindness and tolerance. This all sounds fairly familiar to me - including problems around sensitive skin and makeup - I used to spend a fortune on hypoallergenics when I was young, then I grew in confidence a bit and stopped wearing cosmetics altogether. I'm most comfortable in leggings and a tunic of some kind and this is where I revert after each 'experiment' in trying to make people shut up about my gender - I now realise that no-one is ever going to shut up about my gender or social identity in general so I've reverted to leggings and tunics probably permanently. I don't think I like clothes at all, I prefer to wear something that sort of 'disappears' from the senses as much as possible - I always wear hypoallergentic and stretchy fabrics or loose tops.

I don't think anyone's suggesting that this is is at the core of a definition of AS - just that it often goes with AS and at a different order of experience.