Published on 12, July, 2020
I am a female with autism. Something that I have felt most of my life is that I feel more masculine than feminine in my inner self however outwardly I definitely look feminine such as makeup and I do my hair etc but inwardly I feel and see myself as more of a male. Has anyone experienced this?
As self-diagnosed with AS i can relate to this
When i have asked a few people for their opinion i have been told by one that im not a tomboy as i dont wear sports clothes (i didnt think it was just sports clothes tomboys wore?) I have also been told by another that i do appear feminine. Inside i dont feel this.
My female counterparts are unconventional but i still feel they can *do* feminine. I can *do* girlie to some exrent (ie put on a dress and nice shoes for a wedding) but its not really me. I think theres a difference between feminine and girlie. One is inbuilt the other is for show.
I do wear makeup for work. Only a bit to freshen up my face. Im more than happy to not wear it. My make up routine is the same for work as it is for special occasions. And im not kidding when i say it takes me less than 2 minutes to apply it. My style is jumpers, jeans and a pair of clarks originals. I love the look of clarks as they are quite boyish. If im going out its a sparkly jumper and black jeans. I do have my own style and i think its quite cool. Im lucky to have thick wavy hair which requires little attention. I get the "wash and wear" aspect of spme females with AS but no-one wpuld ever know. I can go for weeks not shaving my legs. I walked past a wedding dress shop yesterday and saw some dresses in the window. I actually went "URGH" to myself.
My style and habits are not from some feminine stance as would be with some of my friends. Just things are either not on my radar or i dont feel they are necessary or comfortable.
Amended- i mean feminist stance not feminine stance
I can relate to some of your points, people say that I am feminine but inside I don't feel like it.
I do wear sports clothes but that is because I am a power lifter and I am training 4 times a week. When I am not training I wear hoodies trainers which are mens trainers and jeans. I use mens deodorant and shower gel, I do wear mens aftershave sometimes. But I can't cope with body hair and I shave everyday and have done since puberty as I hate the feel.
When I wear a dress I feel wrong and like I am in alien clothing and hate it. I do wear a bit of makeup tinted moisturiser and bronzer because I like tanned skin. I do my nails but again that's because I have to have all my nails looking the same. I do my hair everyday because I can't have one hair out of place, I have been like this since a child I used to get really upset if my hair was slightly out of place drove my mom mad.
But when I think in my head the inner voice is deep like a male voice.
I have two extremes of interests I am very creative so I am often creating anything from furniture to creating different hairstyles for my daughter. I also like research and as I said I am a power lifter.
I've known women who preferred the smell of men's toiletries to women's so for me there's nothing odd in that. It might be a relatively unusual personal preference but I think that's what it is and I don't see anything wrong with it. As a man I find the smell of a lot of women's toiletries quite unpleasant - I hate going through perfume sections in shops. And there are women I avoid because of their choice of scent.
I also don't see there's any issue with women not liking to wear dresses, a lot of my female friends have been more jeans and t-shirts types than pretty dress types.
Out of interest, what's power-lifting? I get it's some kind of weight lifting, but power lifting suggests there are other types of lifting?
I think a lot of AS people like researching and reading things - me included.