Struggling mid-assessment

Thank you for for sharing that you have been through the same emotions. It helps to know other people have felt the same way on recieving their diagnosis. 

I hope overall you have found your diagnosis a positive thing. I am hoping I can focus on how the understanding it brings can improve my life and how our feel about my self now and in future. But I'm not quite past feeling sad for my past self yet. I do feel hopeful though. 

Thank you for your kind message. It was your first post that gave me the courage to join this discussion and write my first post. So thank you. :-) 

Reading everyone's messages in this discussion is helping me feel less alone.

Oh thank you. No I hadn't seen that so I'll take a look. Thanks very much :-) 

Congratulations on your diagnoses!

In case you haven't seen it, you might find the advice here helpful (including "How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis"):

After Diagnosis

I'm really pleased to hear/read that my post is proving helpful to others. 

The assessment process is tough. But I do think, worth it in the end. 

I hope you get the answers that you're looking for and it would be great to hear how you get on if you decide to go for it. 

Hi 

You and others here have inspired me to seriously consider talking to my Gp about getting an assessment. The only reason I haven’t before now is because or some of the reasons you said you doubted yourself. This has been reinforced by others also saying the same. It amazes me how much you can take when you’re just used to being that way for so long. 

Thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge. I hope to post back on here in the future with a conclusion for me also. 

Just to update...all parts of the assessment process are complete. I'm officially Autistic! I also have ADHD so I guess I'm AuDHD? 

It's still quite new/fresh, so I'm currently working through the different emotions that come with the diagnosis and also the relief of the assessment process being over. 

You'll likely see me on other parts of this forum from time to time, now that I don't feel an imposter for being here.

Thank you for sharing this. This is exactly how I feel/have felt.

Thank you for sharing your experiences. They are very similar to my own.

I've had my assessment now and I'm now officially autistic or AuDHD since I also recently received an ADHD diagnosis. It seems my own diagnosis was an easy one to make on both parts too. Yet I'd doubted it several times and worried that I was wasting time.

I think the post-diagnosis period is another era of emotions to ride/figure out. But with a new lens for some of the old struggles/memories. 

I feel clarity in some areas and sadness in others. But I hope with time things will just fall into place. I'm lucky that I've been offered some psychotherapy sessions that include psychoeducation but also some ideas for problem solving, suggestions for work place adjustments and more. 

Natalia said:

I suddenly felt more compassion for my past self, rather than my usual frustration and disappointment. But then I felt a wave of sadness for my past self who could have gained so much from a better understanding of herself, and perhaps some support from loved ones and professionals, if she has received an autistic diagnosis as a child.

I went through these emotions as well. I have always hated myself and disappointed with my inability to be like everyone else, but diagnosis gave me the ability to not be so hard on myself. But then I also get sad about potential missed opportunities or wasted life due to struggling without a diagnosis for so long.

I also had doubts about whether I had autism leading up to my assessment, and whether I was just wasting people's time. But as in your experience the assessor seem to find the diagnosis an easy one, and seemed in no doubt that I was autistic. 

Initially the diagnosis didn't seem real, and I struggled to process it. I then experienced a rollercoaster of emotions over the following week. From a strange lightness as I suddenly had a better understanding of why I had struggled all my life with so many situations. I suddenly felt more compassion for my past self, rather than my usual frustration and disappointment. But then I felt a wave of sadness for my past self who could have gained so much from a better understanding of herself, and perhaps some support from loved ones and professionals, if she has received an autistic diagnosis as a child.

I really hope you find some help with processing your diagnosis from being  able to discuss it here, and also hopefully some comfort knowing that you are not alone. 

Thank you Mark for your message.  I am glad to hear you have gotten comfort from this board. It does feel good to have made a first step to connecting with people who are likely to experience many of the difficulties that I do. 

I found the forms difficult to fill in as well. In fact it took me about 3 weeks to finally do it, and then once I started I got hyper-focused on it and stayed up until 5am writing loads. It did bring up a lot of negative memories and sadness over how basically my entire life was made difficult and I struggled so much and tried so hard and it shouldn't have been that hard.

After filling in the forms I couldn't bring myself to look at them again for a month. Eventually I did go back and clean it up a bit before submitting it (I'd written about 35 pages).

I also bared my soul and shared things that nobody else had ever heard. I thought it was a doctor/patient privilege situation, but almost everything I wrote got sent to my GP and is now part of my permanent medical history for anyone to read. Which I wasn't very pleased about.

In the week running up to my diagnosis I kept thinking what an idiot I was and that I wasn't autistic, but then it seems like it was actually a very easy diagnosis to make since I met every criteria multiple times over. Then I didn't know what to feel afterwards. I basically can't process my own emotions and struggle to know what I'm feeling and didn't have anyone to discuss it with.

I'm left thinking "well this explains everything that happened in my life, but now what". There is no help available so now I'm just an autistic guy who lives alone, has no friends, and is nearly 40 and I wonder if things would have been different if I had a diagnosis sooner.

I just want to say, Welcome and hope to see you on other threads. I am also recently diagnosed and have got a lot of comfort from this board.

Hi, 

This is my first time posting anything here. I am 39 and got diagnosed with Autism about a month ago. It took me a really long time to complete the forms as doing so brought back lots of painful memories so I found I could only do a couple of questions at a time. Once completing the forms I also found the wait for the assessment appointment difficult. I found keeping busy and focusing on other things helpful. I also found reflecting on the positive of the fact I had finally plucked up the courage to speak to my GP and get this far with the process a help. 

Thank you. I'm hoping it will be the same for me. 

Hi. Yeah I've certainly been riding the waves. I'm lucky (for want of a better phrase) that my brother has been through his assessments already and he's been such a lifeline. I've since discovered through my own disclosure, that several colleagues are ND and so I've suddenly got a good support network around it all. 

I received a diagnosis of ADHD last week and I'm still processing that and riding those waves but I do feel a sense of relief. It explains a lot and validates my thoughts. 

ASD assessment next week so will see what comes of that.

You're right about it being a difficult process but I think like you say, it will be worth it

I think it’s far from unusual for the whole process to trigger a huge range of emotions - and some of them will be negative. This was my experience (I was diagnosed in my fifties when both my children had already been diagnosed). It isn’t an easy process to go through but we found that it was worth it in the end. If you can stick with it I’d recommend that you persevere - and try to ‘ride the waves’ of the various emotional responses you go through. If you’ve got support from family or friends then that will help. Good luck!

Hi I remember waiting and the from filling it is very painful, however once assessed I found it very positive as it answered many questions for me

Just to update as I said I would...

I've had my ADHD assessment now and I've been diagnosed with ADHD- Hyperactive-impulsive type. 

My autism assessment is now scheduled for 21st August.

So not long from now I'll have answers about both. But I already feel so relieved and things are making more sense just from getting the ADHD side of things clarified.