Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone. I'm new here, first post. So firstly, hello!
I'm 37 years old and I finally decided to seek assessment for both Autism and ADHD, as quite frankly I'm exhausted and have reached a point in life where I'm wanting some answers/certainty about why I'm different to others around me. That and I'm tired of pretending/masking to fit in all the time.
My GP agreed to refer me for both and I've completed the pre-assessment screening tools and forms. My mum has done all the ones for childhood information gathering too.
I have a date for the ADHD assessment (31st July) and I'm still waiting for the Autism assessment appointment.
At this point now, where I'm waiting for the final appointments, I'm really struggling. The pre-assessment forms really made me focus in on my traits which lead to 4 weeks of hyperfocus on ADHD and ASD which has been exhausting and probably quite unhealthy? But also, it made me revisit childhood trauma and various issues which I'd normally prefer not to think about.
I feel like I've bared my soul to an unknown stranger and now I'm left here feeling vulnerable and just waiting. The not knowing if I'll be diagnosed either way is driving me to despair.
Anyone else in this position/been there? Any advice to help me while I wait?
I found the forms difficult to fill in as well. In fact it took me about 3 weeks to finally do it, and then once I started I got hyper-focused on it and stayed up until 5am writing loads. It did bring up a lot of negative memories and sadness over how basically my entire life was made difficult and I struggled so much and tried so hard and it shouldn't have been that hard.
After filling in the forms I couldn't bring myself to look at them again for a month. Eventually I did go back and clean it up a bit before submitting it (I'd written about 35 pages).
I also bared my soul and shared things that nobody else had ever heard. I thought it was a doctor/patient privilege situation, but almost everything I wrote got sent to my GP and is now part of my permanent medical history for anyone to read. Which I wasn't very pleased about.
In the week running up to my diagnosis I kept thinking what an idiot I was and that I wasn't autistic, but then it seems like it was actually a very easy diagnosis to make since I met every criteria multiple times over. Then I didn't know what to feel afterwards. I basically can't process my own emotions and struggle to know what I'm feeling and didn't have anyone to discuss it with.
I'm left thinking "well this explains everything that happened in my life, but now what". There is no help available so now I'm just an autistic guy who lives alone, has no friends, and is nearly 40 and I wonder if things would have been different if I had a diagnosis sooner.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. They are very similar to my own.
I've had my assessment now and I'm now officially autistic or AuDHD since I also recently received an ADHD diagnosis. It seems my own diagnosis was an easy one to make on both parts too. Yet I'd doubted it several times and worried that I was wasting time.
I think the post-diagnosis period is another era of emotions to ride/figure out. But with a new lens for some of the old struggles/memories.
I feel clarity in some areas and sadness in others. But I hope with time things will just fall into place. I'm lucky that I've been offered some psychotherapy sessions that include psychoeducation but also some ideas for problem solving, suggestions for work place adjustments and more.
I'm really pleased to hear/read that my post is proving helpful to others.
The assessment process is tough. But I do think, worth it in the end.
I hope you get the answers that you're looking for and it would be great to hear how you get on if you decide to go for it.
Hi
You and others here have inspired me to seriously consider talking to my Gp about getting an assessment. The only reason I haven’t before now is because or some of the reasons you said you doubted yourself. This has been reinforced by others also saying the same. It amazes me how much you can take when you’re just used to being that way for so long.
Thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge. I hope to post back on here in the future with a conclusion for me also.