Published on 12, July, 2020
First time posting, hello!! my daughter is 9yrs is autistic awaiting adhd diagnosis too, she often tell us she wants to kill herself, has grabbed a knife before and took to the wrist. We took it off her and hid all sharp things from her. She constantly belittles her dad telling him he is rubbish, useless, pushed him in front of a school coach hoping he would die!
Did a cahms referral and chums both were rejected, we are told wanting to kill them self is normal for an autistic child which we believe is not true.
Please tell me this is not right, i have done another self-referral this morning to Cahms worth another try and not sure who else to speak too. My husband is great but he struggles with her, and dont think really gets autism. What can we do, any suggestions?
It is normal for Autistic people to ‘think in absolutes’ involving also ‘catastrophic ideation’ ~ most particularly when they are not adequately or appropriately facilitated, identified and affirmed in respect of their individual needs and desires ~ socially, educationally and professionally.
Suicide therefore is much more likely amongst the neurologically diverse, particular when the majority of people complain about us not being like everyone else ~ i.e., not behaving, not fitting in, not towing the line, not playing the part, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera ~ with the usual conclusions being the need to pretend to be someone else (i.e., ‘fake it to make it’), or failing that comes the suicide thing involving the hope of either an ultimate end (i.e., ‘goodbye cruel world’) or being reborn as someone who is not autistic ~ or otherwise not so innately and immutably different, basically.
In terms of what you can do to better facilitate, identify and affirm your daughter’s individuality along with everyone else’s involved, I would suggest perhaps reading The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome (second edition) by Tony Attwood (£19.99), being that it covers childhood development stages through to adulthood, with all the usual problems and the required solutions that are often unknown or incorrectly assumed by many.
Hi and welcome to the community.
I'm really sorry to hear of your daughter's and family's struggles. I hope you receive a better response from CAHMS this time, and the previous advice here to consult your GP is something I definitely also suggest.
You might also find some helpful guidance in the following NAS articles, which also signpost further resources:
NAS - Self-injurious behaviour
NAS - Distressed behaviour
Exactly right. Be aware that providing your child with structure can lead to some pushback (I certainly don't like being told what to do), but between that and the alternative, it's definitely better to give your child firm consistency and guidance.
I was an autistic child and never once did I consider suicide - it is definitely not normal!
I didn't have a very happy childhood. It was very structured and fairly strict, but I think that was a good thing in some ways. Nobody knew I was autistic then, and I was expected to behave well so I mostly did.
You are obviously a caring parent, but these days it's popular to be very "child centred" and put their wants and needs first, but often a child doesn't know what is best for them. Be considerate but firm - let her know there will be consequences if she abuses her father (or anyone else). Put a schedule in place for her activities for each day, and try to make time to teach her things - making her bed, washing up, baking, folding clothes, to help her become more independent as she gets older. And think about enrolling her in a martial arts class to get rid of her energy and anger and teach her self restraint.
Also, contact your GP and say it is not acceptable for a suicidal patient to be left untreated. If necessary, complain to your local health authority or contact your MP.
I wish you well.
It doesn't really matter whether or not suicidal behaviour is "normal" for autists. If your child is showing that behaviour, then it's absolutely a mental health difficulty. I'd suggest being persistent with pursuing help for your child if she's being a danger to herself and others. Consult with your GP for other referrals, get a second opinion for cahms and chums, because it sounds like whoever dealt with your case handled it improperly.
Aside from pursuing professional assistance, I wonder what the underlying cause is for your child's behaviour. Autism as they say, is a spectrum, so without knowing more about where she is on that spectrum, it could be improper to offer specific advice. What I can say for myself, as an autistic person who has had suicidal thoughts and incidents in the past, is that it can sometimes be akin to a toddler tantrum. Many toddlers throw fits because they don't know how to properly express what they're thinking or feeling. They feel like they have no control and so they resort to kicking and screaming, both out of frustration and because it's the only way they know how to take control of the situation. I'm not saying in any way this is what your child is experiencing, as I'm not a professional fit to diagnose these kinds of problems.
From my personal experience, my parents responded to my behaviour by trying to make me feel as safe and comfortable as possible. They avoid putting pressure on me because they're afraid of causing another incident. What I can say for myself having lived through this is that, while it's nice to be given my space to unpack things as I need to, I feel like I've been left adrift without any guidance. So I'd encourage you to continue to be the bridge between your child and the real world. Balance her feeling safe while teaching and preparing her for what lies ahead. Give her consistency and make sure she's thoroughly aware of what's going to happen. Keep her mind occupied so it's not bouncing around hyper aware and confused. Be her safety net, not her pillow fortress.
I hope you're successful in finding the resources and assistance you need for your child. By all means, keep us posted here.