Completely Alone

Today has been utter hell. Or yesterday technically.

My son is 14 and has high functioning ASD.

I'm a single mum. He's wrecked the house today, tried tying cable round his neck, tried finding knives I hid away, head butted doors and lashed out. I have tried so hard to talk to him but he will not or cannot communicate. He's extremely angry all the time. One of the neighbours called the police out . They were very helpful but as soon as they left my son just got angry again.

He will NOT accept help from anyone. None of my family have even bothered to come help me today and they knew what was going on.

We will now have social work involved yet again which I really wanted to avoid.

I am sitting here exhausted and completely terrified of absolutely everything. I am seriously considering ending it as I do not see a way out, no one seems to care and tomorrow feels unbearable before it's even started. The long term future is bleak at best.

I am on antidepressants and am seriously considering taking the lot.

Help me please anyone 

  • Hi

    I am really sorry to hear this. I remember being very angry in my teens, this in my case was frustration and from not doing things exactly the way I wanted or expected. 
    I cannot offer any advice I’m afraid but just wanted you to know that we are here to listen and give you some support. 

    Take care of yourself 

  • My raging was mostly due to pent up frustration at not being able to communicate what I needed or being denied what I knew I needed or not feeling I could trust anyone with the truth of serial abuse I both experienced and witnessed. Some of that abuse was not in the household but I did not feel seen or heard there, let alone believed.

    Some questions to ask your self

    1- when did the raging begin?

    1a - what changed for him or for the family or at school o(r extracurricular) around that time?

    2- how sudden was it?

    3 - what significant changes have there been in your life, and in his

    4 - what changes have there been in his school?

    5 - are there any new people in the picture?

    6 - are there any people who have left your son's life?

    7 - are there new rules, restrictions, expectations?

    You sound like you are alone. You need to find support for your self. 

  • It might be hormones that generally make him irritable and/or depressed. He sounds like he has a lot of pent up energy with nowhere to go, and perhaps has a hard time socializing with his peers at school. Maybe he was bullied and is angry at himself and everything in his life. I don't know how many needs he has for his autism though. 

    The situation you're in would be tough on any parent, especially a single parent. There is a lot of possibility for someone to become harmed, and that is the scary part. You deserve to feel safe in your own home. Even if you don't want to involve the social workers, you need a lot of help from any source you can get, any professionals, anyone and everyone. Even if other family members don't want to get involved, it doesn't mean that there's no one who would step in to help the situation.

    Isn't there something he wants to do with his life? Any dreams he has? Hopefully, you can convince him to accept help, so that he can have a better mindset for achieving his dreams in life. 

  • Hi. He won't engage with anyone. I have tried everything 

  • Hi there. I am an Autistic adult, so am not the best person to give advice about what support you can access.

    But I wanted to get in touch and ask you not harm yourself. 

    I have done this myself and am lucky enough to say that I was unsuccessful. I am relieved now that I have had another 20 years of my life to live. Please give yourself time to be pleased that you continued on.

    I had safeguarding involvement with one of my children, but it did help get me the support that I needed. 

    Take care of yourself and get all the help that you can think of. xx

    I hope you don't mind, but I am going to copy in the moderator, to see what advice they can give you re support. I hope you are okay with me doing this.

    Can you give some advice about what support is available. 

  • How about getting a support worker for your son?

  • Hi there

    Honestly, don't do that.

    Difficult times do pass.  Eventually.

    What are you doing to take care of yourself?  Do this first.

    Phone samaritans for a chat, free, on 116 123.

    Phone them regularly, you don't need to be suicidal.  

    If you don't jibe with who you are talking to hang up and redial until you do.

    Best of luck, you CAN get through this x