Newly diagnosed 8yo. When should we tell him? Would it help him if I was also assessed?

Maybe chams will work for you but 20 Yr ago it was waste of time and yielded nothing to help.my son at all...and all they did with my son at school was.play pocker with him they took him out of the class.as he wasn't doing well obvs...and put him in a small room with adult staff who were using him to play poka (I'm not even kidding) I didn't find this out till much later ..he is very sharp in some respects you see..anyway I digress...look the sooner you tell your child the better  the later you leave it the worse it is...you just need to "guide" your child.in that what they're consuming re the Internet is showing positive role models ie Anthony Hopkins is actually autistic did you know and try to shield your child from.amything negative regarding autism.etc

Thanks for your reply Caelus .

Maybe it would have been different if we'd gone down the CAMHS route but all of the meetings and sessions we had were very discreet... and as a trusting then 7 year old, I don't think he really even questioned what he was being asked to do or why.

We were definitely advised that when and what he was told was up to us.

Thanks @Martin, this is great advice and much appreciated.

Hi Take5,

Yes exactly that, I'm hoping that my son knowing he's not alone would be helpful - so ideally I would want to be diagnosed myself before we tell him.

Our situation is not currently as bad as yours, my heart goes out to you. Good luck and I hope the assessment(s) help you all.

Thanks @Pixiefox. That test is interesting and highlights some differences between my son and myself... I'm probably not clearcut but worth pursuing I think.

Thanks for this signposting Ross-Mod.

We haven't been as proactive as we should have been on the NAS site, this will definitely help us.

if hes been diagnosed shouldnt he already know?
the steps and procedure for diagnosis means he already knows and was there, being taken to those places, questioned, and already informed.

As the autistic father of an autistic daughter (adult), I was diagnosed the day before my daughter, I can say that both of us being acknowledged autists has helped in our relationship. We can recognise the autistic traits in each other and have names and reasons for them.

As to the age question, you do not need to use the word 'autism' in order to explain to your child that he may have difficulties understanding social niceties, may need to ask his teacher for more clarification about how to complete tasks etc. etc. When you do introduce the term autism to him make use of autistic role-models, like Sir Anthony Hopkins and Elon Musk, plus the many great people of the past who showed autistic traits - Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, Charles Darwin, Mozart, Picasso, Michelangelo and so on. This will help create a positive image of autism.

Hi John

I am in exactly the same situation. My son is 9. We have a couple of months until his assessment and wanted to tell him before as he’s high masking and didn’t want it to go unnoticed. I am seeking an assessment also and really believe it would benefit my son just to know he’s not alone. He has some very dark days, he wishes himself dead sometimes when he struggles so I think it would reassure him to know that I have managed it to this point. 

I hope whatever you decide works out for you guys

Hi John

Ross Mod has given you some pointers to advice and support for parents and carers, however in reply to question 2 - I'm not sure if it would help your son, but it may help you to find out if you are autistic.

The Autism-Spectrum Quotient (AQ) Test is a self-administered questionnaire developed to assess the presence of Autism-Spectrum traits in adults, created by Simon Baron-Cohen and his team at the Cambridge Autism Research Centre. If you would like to take the test, here is the link to the web page:

https://psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient

If you score highly on this test, you are likely to be autistic and can then approach your GP to discuss the possibility of diagnosis if you wish.

Hi John74773,

You might want to have a look at some of the pages on our Advice and Guidance section here on the NAS site. For example, the page on post-diagnosis support for parents and carers is here - https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/post-diagnosis-support/parents-and-carers - and we also have advice on talking to your child about their autism diagnosis which you can find here - https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/Topics/diagnosis/disclosing-your-autism/parents-and-carers

With regards to your own diagnosis, we have an advice page on pre-diagnosis support for adults who think they might be autistic, which you can find here - https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/pre-diagnosis/adults

Hope some of the advice here will be helpful to you,

Best wishes,
Ross - mod