Intense interest that's on the verge of an addiction

Well all I can say is don't be suprised when things get worse. Board and lonely teens tend to become disruptive and this is even more true of autistic teenagers. If he's the confident sort don't be suprised if he starts sneeking out of school to jump onto the bus to the local town on the regular or just running off on a regular basis.

as far as these people are concerned - I'm in a place that I'm not - so they don't come looking. they think that i'm near another family member - they have no idea to where i actually am and it's going to stay that way - i'm not saying im my son or he is me - we are not carbon copies of each other (obviously), being in a rough area that has a lot of undesirable people (as previously mentioned), and having my family stalking me and trying to kidnap my kid etc are amongst a long list of reasons why i moved away from my last location. my current location was found through a paticular singer that has been very dear to me and has saved my life on several occations and has given me a sanctuary to call home to protect my son and I. I am also working with the relevent people in regards to these so called family members, my mother wanted my son up for adoption because i wasn't moving to where she lives fast enough for her liking and she thought that meant that i didn't care about him, like i said there is a lot that is not able to be shared because of the nature of the information, we are literaly in the last place these people would  think to look for us, also im not autistic

That sounds like a realy tough situation. And it does explain the move some what. But not so much the countryside. You're no harder to find in the countryside. If anyone tries to trace you they'll do it through the electoral roll or some sort of conection you've maintained to your old life There are 76 'city like' urbal areas in the uk from greater london to barely city sized ones like worcester. You can't have family in all of them. And even if you did finding you wouldn't be easy in a large city. Not if you've changed names / applied to have your names withheld on public records. And if you haven't you won't be hard to find in the countryside. Generaly kidnap is a matter for the police and child custody / adoption for the courts. If your son needs protection from is extended family the police and the courts should be provinding it instead of relying on hiding.

I don't know how your childhood circumstances played out. I don't even know if you are autistic. But you are not your son. Just because you were able to adapt it does not mean he will. Autistic people often don't.

hi, he wasn't much of a skater before moving - he was only starting out. Moving because of living in a bad area wasnt the only reason for the move, I had to move because of toxic family members that tried to kidnap my son twice and also tried to put him up for adoption - there is also a lot more to it above these things, we were genuinely not safe there, mentally or physically, I get the whole not fitting in thing - i was the black sheep of a very abusive family (on my mother's side - the abusive ones), i also had to deal with change that was difficult - but was positive in the end. That's what i'm trying to achieve now - especially as this is my second and final time breaking away from these people. Like i said there is a whole list as long as my arm for moving to where i did, and most of it isn't suitable to be put on a public forum

Yes, violent drug related crime is less common, but youth drug / alcohol use is often worse than in the city. Although if we're talking about Scotland, I believe the rates in Glasgow are fairly bad too.

The transition to high school, where there are often 1000s of students, that greatly increases the pool of people an autistic teen can find friends / social groups among. Also, the greater mobility of teens in cities means they can engage with all sorts of after school activities which are again opportunities to make friends. But in the countryside, none of this is possible. In the city did your son not have skater friends as into skating as him? In my experience skaters tend to hang together and often make friends that way? Or was he never allowed to mix with those kids?

If you write off your son’s social life as a teen as a lost cause ... well don't expect him to be understanding about it when he's older. I've seen kids, autistic kids who've been sheltered and over protected come to university and they go crazy. Booze, drugs, casual sex if they are conventionally attractive, and they can't handle it. By the 2nd year they are burned out and at risk of dropping out. And it's typically the ones who lived in the countryside or who had incredibly overprotective parents.

Life transitions can be extremely challenging to autistic people. I would have happily stayed living where I was, even though it wasn't what I truly wanted, to avoid the change. Changes which are difficult for neurotypical people can be traumatic for autistics. I am not saying this to put any negative aspects on you - you did the right thing moving to a better place - but I'm saying it's a reality. Life is all about change isnt it. As an adult one can work through these things and become stronger but i dont know about kids. Did he skate before you moved? Like I said, this interest might be his way of having some sort of control over his life ("taking himself back") and, it's hard enough being a teenager who doesn't fit in. I'm sure there are many aspects involved. It's obvious to anyone you are doing your best which is why you are asking for help.

hello, you sound like you are autistic yourself? sounds like you get it from his point of view! my kid has always struggled to fit in anywhere he goes, I do understand this is a very common thing for autistics, I have friends on the spectrum and have only just started to be able to fit in where they live despite being in their location for a good number of years now, they appear (like my son) to be some of the fewest people in their area to be who they are - or the way they are, with interests like they have - which ever suits the situation best (i'm sure you get what I'm trying to say), in their area, I'm all for supporting my kid in a way thats best for his needs. He is and always has been the number one priority since he was born, i have put my life on hold for him and have missed out on loads (i don't regret sacrificing things), i think how ive put things so far, may have been taken the wrong way by some on here, your the first to take both sides into account, 

Our intense/reoetitive hobbies and interests offer much certainty in what is for us, a very uncertain world. You said you and your son moved to a new area for a better life. Change - real change not controlled by ourselves - is incredibly difficult even when it is positive. Not being able to engage in interests as a way to mitigate this anxiety must be really difficult for him. I can see it is really difficult for you too. You absolutely want what is best for your son. Sorry I don't have answers.

here is the safest place that he has lived, I knew exactly what I was getting into before I moved here as I had extensively researched the place and we already have experience living in the countryside. My son has never had ANY groups that he can be part of. He will struggle to fit in regardless of where he lives, and everywhere that he HAS lived has proven this. We lived in in England for five years before coming back home to Scotland where he was extensively bullied - this was before his autism diagnosis. He forgets that and struggles to understand this. Yes sure there have been a few issues with the local kids - with him being the new kid - which is - of course - normal, yes there have been mild issues with neighbours, but your gonna get that everywhere,  there are addicts here, but they don't bother anyone - not like they do in the big cities.

We all struggle to come to terms with the darker side of human nature. We all shake our heads looking at human suffering and wonder why. This is not an intrinsically autistic thing. the difference perhaps is as an autistic person it might be a bit harder to block it out or write it off.

what it seems like you’re telling me is that your child has not adapted well to the countryside and blames you for moving him to the countryside. And your response to him is that it was necessary. But it sounds very much like a deliberate choice on your part. not something that external factors forced upon you.

Mark my words adapting to a new environment is not something autistic children are really capable of doing at least they hugely struggle with it. There is a very real chance he will always be a city kid and will never adapt to the countryside. Safety concerns or not there is a very real chance The countryside with all of its safety will always seem alien and strange to him.

I know that’s probably not what you want to hear but I just have great reservations about whether the countryside is the best place to raise an autistic kid. In my experience those autistic kids who ended up having decent social lives growing up bounced  between a lot of different social groups before they found one where they could make a niche for themselves. In the countryside there aren’t really a lot of different social groups for kids in fact in a small village there’s probably only one. If you’re autistic kid doesn’t get on well with the local kids that’s basically condemning him to be an outsider for as long as he lives there.

also it’s an assumption That the countryside is safe I know that a lot of small villages have really big underage  drugs problems because without anything to do a lot of kid's in small villages turn to drugs and booze which from what I hear are surprisingly easy to get a hold of.

he doesn't care what people can and can't do, he also struggles to understand that bad things happen to anyone, not just people that are not him or me - which was why I moved him away from the big city, we lived in a really rough area where folk were getting attacked, murdered raped etc on a daily basis, shops were also getting robbed and the shop keepers getting attacked and ending up being disabled as a result of being attacked, he also seen junkies constantly fighting and being aggressive to other kids in the area - yet he thinks this acceptable and normal, I don't want this to be considered normal for him, he deserves better than living in the middle of that, it's also not fair on him to have to witness such things. He didn't ask these people to behave this way. He doesn't understand that I've brought him away from that for HIS safety, he just sees that I've took him away from things that he likes - when that is not fully the case - he can still do those things here - he's just not found his rhythm here - and I'm trying soooo hard to help him with that, I try to show him things online that I can do that will allow me to better meet his needs

I trust hes aware that you can’t control the weather. Hes also aware in bigger cities it doesn’t matter because they have indoors facilities. Some kids are just city kids. They’ll never really take to the countryside no matter what. That not an autism thing per se. But being autistic will make him less flexible about it.

I've tried all that and it still doesn't go in

You need to appreciate that, ‘it’s common sense,’ isn’t going to work with him. He may have the ‘common sense’ of a 5 year old but you’ll probably find his logic is quite developed. You’ll need to stop falling back on common sense in your arguments and start arguing from first principles. Be willing to go into details. Stop seeing the big picture. You’ve got to build him up to the big picture on top of lots of small details.

sitting having a reasonable conversations about practical reasons why moving around aint gonna work - he's got to be right all the time - he always needs to know better - although he's 13 - he's more like a 5 year old in his understanding of the world and how it works

I do take him seriously, I'm not trying to take his interest away from him - I went as far as getting him finger boards etc so that he has more options, I've even tried explaining to him that there is things I can do to help him get what he wants - like seeing if there is a demand for better facilities (and indoor ones) for him and then go down the route of finding funding from the local authority etc to get that for him, but this doesn't seem to be good enough for him - I don't know what else to try - hence why im on here asking for advice

My son's issue is with the fact that we live in a country that's prodominantly a wet country and that the weather can't be controlled. I just don't know any more how else to try and explain to him that nobody is able to control the weather and it's just something that needs to be accepted (i know - his brain isn't wired the same as mine)

Something else to consider a lot of autistic people really struggle to get work when they grow up. And a lot of the ones that do end up working in a field related to their obsessions. I was like that perpetually obsessed with science and now I am a research scientist. I mean our local Vicar had been a professional nuclear physicist and even he couldn’t stand talking with me. 
i’ve had periods of unemployment where I just couldn’t seem to find work and a large part of it is that I really stacked up my entire CV just to be good at scientific research. even if I wanted to shift career in another direction it would be very hard for me to do so.

so what I’m saying is there’s a very serious possibility that your son will grow up to be a pro skater. I know teenage boys are always saying they’re going to be professional footballers or skaters or rockstars or some other celebrity style profession. But if an autistic kid says it and they put in huge amounts of time into it you should take it seriously because it may be the best shot they have actually having a career when they grow up. Because the chances are they gonna get fantastically good at it and secondly they’re likely to end up being useless for anything else.

Of course it is when you’re autistic and young the notion that adults get to decide things for children simply because they’re older it seems incredibly absurd and arbitrary. It’s like saying I get to be in charge because I have red hair. it’s a coincidence of birth from their point of view. Adults coincidentally happened to be born longer ago and therefore on that arbitrary basis get to be in charge of things.

you’ll get absolutely nowhere with him going for because I say so or because I’m the grown-up. You might get a better response by talking about the practical reasons why moving around the country just isn’t feasible.

Great advice Peter, I know feeling misunderstood and not being able to communicate that was something that really emotionally hurt me as a child and led to frustration