Published on 12, July, 2020
My 14 y.o daughter walked out of school earlier today. She is in a PRU so there's not many children (around 20 max).
I had a phone call from school telling me she has left school grounds. Her behaviour is deteriorating as well.
I have figured out the problem but I'm not sure how to help her. She is verbal and told me this herself. ' I don't like Project because there are 5 different teachers teaching us, they are doing things differently and doing different things in it and I have it like 10 times a week.'
She doesn't like project which I can understand. Teachers are aware of the problem and try everything to get her into the lesson (she keeps walking out or just doesn't go). The past 2 weeks, this particular lesson has affected her other lessons because today for example, her first 2 lessons were fine, then she had Project and didn't go, then had English (one of her favourites) and didn't go since she wanted to go home. She leaves at lunch which was 15 minutes away but she climbed over the gate and left. (Her teacher followed her a bit and stayed a distance away and during school she is never left alone).
She is very stressed and when I picked her up she was in tears and told me she was sorry for leaving and wanted to stop going to school altogether...
Anyways... I don't know how to help her since she wants to go to school but doesn't want to do the lesson. But if she doesn't do the lesson her timetable will be messed up so she's even more stressed about that... I keep reassuring her but I don't know how to make school better for her...
Any help, advice, ideas is very much appreciated. I'm sorry for ranting on. Thanks x
She loves animals, horse riding, cycling. She will talk about these for hours.
She's a bit bright - they talk about building something and she's probably got it all worked out in her head in seconds - the plan is sorted and she knows what to do - and then they change the remit - so all the stuff she has in her mind is pointless. Rinse & repeat.
She sounds very black & white - she does not allow any sloppiness from professionals - she's measuring them and judging them and finding them as wanting. This is quite common.
She needs to find teachers / friends on her level - they need to have something interesting to add to her mind or she'll kick them to the side of the road. She will probably enjoy listening to experts in whatever field she's interested in - a sort of data feast.
What is she into?
I'm into AgentJayZ on youtube - clearly Asperger's guy talking about jet engines
We've figured out that last week everything changed....
She has 5 teachers and they are all doing different thing and has in 9 times a week so it's a lot of change. The main problems are: 2 teachers do models where they are building/making an ancient roundhouse and she has it planned but they kept changing it. She is now deciding she isn't going to bother because of this since it's stressful so she has nothing to do in the lesson because she agreed she'll make it at home.
The other problem is: another teacher is doing history of food and making it, but my daughter had her as a cover teacher last week and she did everything differently which stressed her out and upset her. So in her mind, she told me, 'What's the point in doing the history on food if I'm not going to cook it.' She has made the choice that whenever she has these lessons, she will not participate because 'What's the point.'
I'm not quite sure how to help her since now she is bored but today teachers gave her a word search to do based on the lesson...
sorry I have to ask. what is the project she dislikes so much? What is it on? It might not just be the teachers, it might be the content of the project to?
Could be. Ever since the problem first started she has started to wonder round the school or leave her classroom. This morning she asked her SENDco what lessons she has, and as soon as she heard 'Project' she walked away and when the teacher tried fixing the problem she became rude.
My 14 year old is like that glued to my arm when out ,she is really sensory ,sound ,smell ,light ,touch . She says she wants to live in a house in the garden when older . will probably try to get her in a private school ,if we can find a good one, when she is ready.
It sounds like she's lost trust in the teachers for some reason - like something has happened that she can't process and hasn't mentioned - maybe something conflicting with her basic programming..
Thank you, I might see if we can make the thing she was going to make in school but at home so she's still doing it. Teachers are trying with her but she's always at her breaking point and now doesn't want to go to school since it's messing up her head and her school days. I have to admit I am happy she knows when and why she's overwhelmed and how she sticks with it all day until something is done with it...
JuniperFromGallifrey said:She knows her breaking point/limit and sticks to it.
Honestly? I'm impressed. She knows her breaking point/limit and sticks to it. As a female in this society, she sounds like she can hold her ground and that is worth more than an education. When authority figures are inconsistent, incongruent, it is like being slapped on the back of head constantly. I wouldn't see if she couldn't complete what's needed with just one teacher. Or complete her work at home when it gets overwhelming. Children cannot learn in a stressful environment. What are the priorities? There will be time enough as she gets older to learn coping techniques for social nuances but this just sounds unprofessional.
I gravitated towards the losers in school, but still had an air of respectability towards the normal kids. Now, in my adult years, I feel that I have the best of both worlds.
I'm working with the teachers with messages about how her day was. And I'm listening to what my daughter would like and following my gut at the same time...
Its very hard coping, not knowing what to do for the best ,do you listen to the "experts " or not ,do you follow your gut feeling ,is it your fault [which it isn't] .
But if she is getting worse and things are going down hill ,you need to change the direction and create the right environment for her ,whether she stays there,moves school ,or home school. She is her ,you can't change that.
That's great that you're all still friends
I created a huge extrovert fake persona (my mask) in my teens so I attracted all the other nerdy aspies - we were all undiagnosed (it was the late 70s) but we fitted well together - I'm still friends with all of them over 40 years later and we all meet up once a year at Christmas.
That is definitely true. She does seem to be herself most of the time since she has another 2 people her age with autism in her class with her so they all feel comfortable together even though they are different obviously.
We are waiting a place at another school but this school is fine for her altogether at the moment.... She sees her 1 lesson on a Monday but otherwise she always get checked up on by her and her office is always open and it's opposite my daughters room luckily. But I agree it's not the place for her but they do have many special needs students so they have experience and are amazing, supportive and helpful with her.
mael said:if she was in the right environment she would thrive and be able to be herself
Absolutely - we're only 'autistic' when we're around NTs.
sendco once a week ,is that one hour a week ?..
they will do the minimum they can ,she obviously needs a lot more help .
Sorry i have been through all this so many times .
I see it this way ,there is nothing wrong with your daughter , if she was in the right environment she would thrive and be able to be herself ,A PRU is not the right place for her .
That's amazing!
Awesome - my daughter is 22 and has graduated uni - and she still likes to reach for my hand in crowded places.