Walking out of school...

Yes, and we are all grateful for that since last year there was no way she would stay in the house or school on a bad day. Even running away, so everything we have done and she hs done as a family to help her(self) has worked really well. 

Sounds like she trusts you and can use you as a portable safe-space. 

I have to admit, she used to go to this school before being home schooled but has now gone back obviously. She used to be a lot worse but now has some coping mechanisms but when it gets too much (or when she has Project lesson) she can't process or think properly in my eyes. She is very bright and can do the work and some has been to easy. She does know right and wrong and was very apologetic when I picked up from down the road from the school. 

I have noticed she is a lot happier in herself (she's had a traumatic past) and she knows I'm there for her and knows I'm always on the end of the phone if she needs me during school.

Today, I used a different method to calm her down and she went from tears and overload to no tears and being exhausted but happier. I think she also now knows I understand her a lot better which helps her a lot and when we got back home she chilled out in her bedroom and then took the dog out with me. She has improved a lot ever since last year..

ParentingAutism said:

swearing at the teacher

That's total overload - and right on the very edge of fight or flight - neither are allowed and are wrong - but she's on the edge of blowing up - when all rules are garbage, there are no rules!

It sounds like she's bright enough to do the work and clearly knows right and wrong but she doesn't have any coping mechanisms yet.

Something we worked very hard with our daughter was providing safety nets for all actions - default actions to get to a lower stress mode - worst case scenario would be "call me - I will come for you"  to take her to safety - and knowing that, she was prepared to push herself into as much anxiety as she could manage - we made sure there was a defrag period when she got home to untangle her brain in the evening.

Yes, I understand that. Is that why she will say 'no' for going to class because of the anxiety and trying to behave. I can see where you are coming from. Ever since this lesson has changed, she has been getting worse. She was also swearing at the teacher since she was overwhelmed but how do I stop that? 

ParentingAutism said:

she isn't in the mood for class,

That will be when she's unable to push past the anxiety to do 'what people expect of her' and that includes yourself, the teachers and society - she's fighting all the logic telling her to walk away - but again, trying to 'be good' and not shout and scream and run away to the safe place.

That's true. That's why when the sendco isn't there and she isn't in the mood for class, she'll sit in the hall and there is always a teacher on call or any teacher passing by will see if she's alright and someone will stay with her since no one is allowed to be alone for their own safety. 

ParentingAutism said:

She has a SENDco who she is supposed to see weekly

The problem with that is working to other people's schedules - they are not on hand at the moment she hits a problem - it's almost like she needs a 'Jiminy Cricket' on her shoulder 24/7 to help her navigate the confusing / complex situations that conflict with her programming.

Yes, she does have an ehcp, the pru only keep students who are year 10/11 for GCSE's unless they are waiting placement at a specialised school

Has she got an ehcp ,pru where never designed for autism , 

I'm sorry to hear that. Luckily my daughter has 1 main one, then a few others she can go to for help.

They offered that with my son then kept changing them which made it worse,

She has a SENDco who she is supposed to see weekly and she is amazing with my daughter. She said that she'll help any time. 

Having a regular person with her might help a lot - an intermediary that she can get used to.

They wouldn't let her skip the lesson but I think they are going to try some different tactics and ways to help her cope. They might have someone to sit and help her with the work or even do it for her if she's in the lesson. But unfortunately, like I said, I don't think they would let her leave it. 

With all respect your daughter is jumping over the gate and in tears. Would the school let her skip this lesson .? 

Thank you, I totally understand where you are coming from and a few teachers have said similar things as well. It is messing her brain up and teachers luckily understand that but unfortunately she can't stop doing the lesson and she can't have just one teacher since they all teach different things in the lesson. When she's not in the lesson, teachers will talk to her about her favourite things which helps but just not in 'Project'. They will even ask her to sit in the classroom to watch youtube on bikes (which is one of her hobbies) but this won't even work. 

One of her teachers said 'Come into the classroom so your safe' and my daughter replied 'No. I'm going home because that's safe', so it's like you said. Thanks again x

Project is basically like history and they learn about the past and make things. This school have a few people with autism in and in my opinion they are pretty good with it and have good training. 

From her point of you it sounds a nightmare , PRU aren't autistic friendly . She needs a proper placement ,with properly trained staff.

may i ask what project is ?   

Hi - most autistic kids crave continuity so having a bunch of teachers all teaching the same subject will completely mess her up - trying to learn the work and function with the social side of dealing with a teacher means she'll not get on with their different teaching styles.

One of the biggest things with autism is it's like the fight or flight is at 100% all the time - so put in a position where fight is not allowed, flight is the only option.      She is likely to be terrified of the thought of having yet another random person telling her to do things a different way from yesterday and different again tomorrow - her only logical option is to avoid and just walk away - she's reached the limit of tolerance.    when her brain is fried like that, then why bother with the next class - go home now.   Go to the safe place.

The other problem is we are programmed as a child to be good - do the right thing - don't answer back - don't question authority - don't embarrass parents etc. - she knows she's breaking her programming so she can't process the dichotomy.     You will get a random output - tears, shouting, maybe violence - her basic program is temporarily busted and she needs time to decompress and reboot.

The problem is the growing anxiety of knowing that she'll have to face the same stress in the morning - knowing that she's going to get stressed to breaking for no reason apart from a teacher-scheduling issue.     He brain logic will want to just avoid the whole thing - so she'll get difficult and very reluctant to go to school at all - none of it makes any sense to her.

Is there any way she can get to have just one teacher for 'project'?    Or maybe get to do something else that fits into her logic and routine world-  something that she can process and make sense of?

Another problem is we are taught not to lie - so lessons that require imagination and false worlds can be difficult - to deliberately make a falsehood - again, not easy to reconcile with the original basic programming.

Another issue is other kids - they are often naughty and break all the rules - but we can't reconcile others being bad and getting away with it - it messes with the logic and basic programming - another reason for stress and the need to escape.

I'd suggest watching an episode of Star Trek Next Gen - "The Offspring"  the one where Mr Data builds a daughter and she is classed as an appliance so to be disassembled - that might give you an isight into the autistic mind.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Offspring_(Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation)

Hope this helps.