Published on 12, July, 2020
My son is 6 years old with autism. He's quite a sensitive little boy and if something doesn't go his way or doesn't like something he will just cry...just like that! He more or less cries at school on a daily basis!
So much so that some of the children in his class call him a big fat baby or cryey baby.
Just wanted some advice on how I can help him.
Hairspray
Paddy said:"To be even-handed, you could also try to explain to your son that if he cries because things go wrong then people will laugh at him, and he will find it harder to fit in with his classmates. I think, perhaps, as he gets older he will learn ways to behave so he can fit in and not be bullied, it is something that all children have to go through, unfortunately. Not sure if I helped, but I hope I did.
"To be even-handed, you could also try to explain to your son that if he cries because things go wrong then people will laugh at him, and he will find it harder to fit in with his classmates.
I think, perhaps, as he gets older he will learn ways to behave so he can fit in and not be bullied, it is something that all children have to go through, unfortunately. Not sure if I helped, but I hope I did.
[comment removed by moderator]. an exemplar of wrong.
Let your son cry. I cry in public all the time (I cried today in a shop and had to sit on a chair whilst being served, dreadful, felt awful) and am not ashamed of it. I do what I need to do. Bottling it up and having the default taught pressure of 'behaving normally so I can fit in' has caused MASSIVE problems later in life.
Your son cries because it is a release valve, because he is overloaded/too much information to process, he regards the environment as hostile because that's the information his brain in processing. It it normal for him. Maybe you should think of whether the educational environment is right for him and ask your school/local authority about support rather than piling all the responsibility upon your son's shoulders indirectly, and also your own to 'solve the problem'. Is it really that bigger problem?
Since when is it socially unacceptable for a boy to cry? Just putting this here.
Since when do people need to have it explained to them why a person is crying? Just putting this here.
Since when do teachers permit bullying to occur under their noses? Just putting this here.
Since when does the school not have effective measures for coping/dealing with bullying? Just putting this here.
FYI: I was put to school when I was four and stood at the side of the playground and sobbed uncontrollably all day. I was told to fit in, and I was told to toughen up and 'get on with it'. 10 years later I was removed from school because the situation had become life threatening.
Knock the assumption, or presumption, that your son needs to fit in on the head right now. Get support to help you understand your sons needs and why he cries and how his 'coping' strategies function and display themselves, THEN, get the right support from the school, etc.
Bon courage.
hi my son who is 17 who has autisum wont leave the house to go any were and its been like that since september last year cant even get him to school as he stayed on in 6th form been intouch with camhs help were do i go from here dont know what else to do
Hi Hairspray,
Is it not wonderful that some of us can express our feelings by crying. Celebrate your sons liberation rather than seeing it as a problem.
Take care, Laddie.
Personally I wouldn't make him feel bad about crying, as this could make him interpret it as people not caring or understanding and further cause him stress which will make it worse.
I've found 2 techniques useful with my daughter.
1. Distractions... Such as becoming really over enthusiastic about something completely different to catch their attention, or doing something to make them giggle etc
this seems to work for the easier occasions
2. Get down to their level, solemn calm faced, ask patiently to understand, wait for them to explain, and then explain in gentlest way possible how they could think differently about it
Doing step 2 frequently givels you the opportunity to help them to learn how to deal differently with situations
If they feel foolish, then they won't listen... and the words will be lost in their embarrassment or frustration
I suppose in your situation when you're not there to do it and find out after what has happened and how he's been teased, you could do a variation of step 2,to talk through the scenario and listen to how he thinks ...identify how he could think differently about the situation, and give him alternatives that don't result in crying
Your son cries when things are not right because he is overwhelmed and doesn't know what else to do. Give him another tool to use, one that works better than crying. Can he have a card to give to the teacher with a sad or crying face so the teacher knows he is unhappy without your son having to find words to explain? If he can do this before he gets too upset then maybe tears can be avoided and your son will learn that he can signal to others and get help before it gets so bad he can't cope. Poor mite.
Hi, I am not a parent myself, so not wholly sure I am qualified to comment, but, it seems to me that you could have a talk to one of the responsible adults in the class or group, and ask them to explain to the children that that is your son's way of dealing with things when they go wrong, and that it is wrong to laugh at someone who is more sensitive than them.
To be even-handed, you could also try to explain to your son that if he cries because things go wrong then people will laugh at him, and he will find it harder to fit in with his classmates.