Outside

https://youtu.be/cE4XpsL1cpA

The main thing that I myself like about "Outside" is that, even for a bit, and even though the view is limited... I get to see... THE SKY. Sometimes during the day I see Miss Moon and Mr Sun together. Even when unwell, even with the Pollution... without being able to go "outside", I would not be alive today. And I cannot say much more than that, really...!

P.S. ... There is Proper Rain and Snow out there, also...

I am back from my big adventure. Seven or eight different negative thoughts about what happened today whirling endlessly round my brain. I hate how vulnerable and helpless I feel out in the real world. I bought four cans of budweiser which apparently is the king of beers. Never tried it before. Going to drink it now and listen to The Fall.

As usual Robert you find such lovely places and capture the essence of it very well.

I am so happy you are getting out, and attending many things, 

good on you and a very well done.( not said in a patronising way,,,wouldn’t do that)

 I only work and not much else.

 Yes many would love to work full time but for me it has always pretty much been a chore!

To live one needs to earn to pay for everything, and so the hamster wheel keeps spinning around, a never ending treadmill.

I would rather be living in a cave or cabin miles away from mankind, eeking out an exhistance but being at peace with myself.

Finding something to stimulate the grey cells is vital.. why else are we on this planet?

take care and love the pictures. ()

Oh my... that is so beautiful!

Robert124 said:

5am and I'm not sleeping!

Perfectly normal for me, and it has been for as long as my family and I can remember. Before my autism was diagnosed, I assumed that an awful lot of my autistic traits were just the result of chronic sleep-deprivation. I'm fine with it so long as there's no externally imposed need to synchronise with the rest of society. It would be nice sometimes to be able sync to GMT rather than US Central time, but no treatment that I've ever tried has managed to dent it yet, so I just manage as best I can, as I've always done.

Yttrium said:

I am told that doing something repeatedly makes it easier. I have been leaving the house for 57 years now and it is still horrific.

Too true, and there are so many aspects of autism that it applies to. I get so fed up with people advising me that I "just need to do X more"; as if at my age, I'd never tried that, had the melt-downs and the burn-outs, and realised that "practice" can only ever get me so far.

5am and I'm not sleeping!

You are both in a bad way.

I make the effort to leave the flat everyday.  Sometimes it's just to buy food.

In the past I locked myself away for days and didn't speak with anyone for a week or more.  It's not healthy.

I also enjoy long walks through the woods and countryside talking photographs of landscapes and nature getting some fresh air and avoiding crowds of people.

I find these kind of walks relaxing.

Hello Trogluddite. I hope you're okay. I am told that doing something repeatedly makes it easier. I have been leaving the house for 57 years now and it is still horrific. Nearly 5am and I've not slept at all. If someone in a shop is friendly, asks me how I am or whatever I can't go back to that shop again. I'm hoping it will be raining so there won't be people hanging around in the street wanting to make eye contact. Thank you for replying to my half finished sentence. I do appreciate it. I hope you have a relaxing uncomplicated day tomorrow. Yttrium.

I'm not sure if ending your sentence at "...makes" was intentional or not, but it sums up perfectly how I feel about it most of the time! My brain can just freeze with the thought of it. Not that I particularly dislike outside per-se, it just has the awful habit of being full of people and noise. If I could just teleport to the middle of some nice woods or a meadow somewhere, I'd be outside all the time, but then I remember that in reality the next door neighbour (a lovely old chap) might say "hello" to me or something, which might break the dissociation that let's me half believe that it's not really there (honestly, this is not as tongue in cheek as it sounds; flippancy is one of my coping mechanisms!)

The one that gets me every time is when I've procrastinated for a good few hours (or days), have checked that I have my wallet and phone for the umpteenth time, get almost to opening the front door, and then suddenly think to myself; "How long is it since I spoke aloud to another human being? Am I going to be able to remember how to do it?".