• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 7 subscribers
  • Views 102 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Recieving counselling

Cinnabar_wing

I was just wanting to ask advice from people who have recieved counselling/therapy etc. 
How do you know if you might have hit a wall with it and if it's worth doing anymore?

For background, I've had 4 session with a counsellor since October, whom I got on her waiting list just before I decided to go ahead with my ASD assessment. Before I started I told her about being in the middle of being assessed so she knew my situation from that I had previously stated.

My last appointment with her, I told her I had been confirmed with ASD, and she got very concerned I don't over research and fall into developing 'new traits' just because I read about them.  I understand her concern as I had heard about some people getting post-diagnosis skills loss, but I don't have time for any of that and am a little scared of unmasking anyway as I saw what I was when I did the assessment and I don't think anyone wants me to be that.

I've booked an appointment with her for after christmas as I was too busy before, but now I don't know what to say next time? She asked some questions to satisfy herself at the start about why I thought I was autistic, but I've been more dealing with the other baggage like childhood bullying and work anxiety, and not so much the ASD problems I face.

Now I don't know if I should hide that side as I don't think she wants to know as she's concerned about me throwing everything away I think? Is this what it's like talking to people? Trying to open up was so hard, now it feels it's better to seal it all away again? Or is this something that has to be worked through?

  • My unprofessional opinion? You should look for a counselor that specializes in Autism. By what you’re saying, I think  nailed it by responding:

    TheCatWoman said:
    it might be that she's not confident in her skills in dealing with ND?

    That’s what it sounds like to me. Yeah, skills regression is a thing and is definitely something you should be careful about, but just assuming that you will get that by looking more into your own confirmed diagnosis is kind of ridiculous (imo).

    The best therapy I ever got was with an art therapist who specialized in childhood Autism. Yeah, she wasn’t as used to working with ND adults, but she was willing to learn along with me what my diagnosis meant. I personally believe you should look for a counselor that specializes in neurodiversity, rather than try to ignore your ASD problems in sessions.

  • Maybe after xmas when she see's you've not imploded, you'll be able to go back to working on what you need to work on, it might be that she's not confident in her skills in dealing with ND?

    Maybe she needs reminding that being ND dosen't mean that other stuff dosen't happen and dosent need dealing with.

    Maybe next time have a xhat with her about where you want to go with your counselling and if she's the right person to walk alongside you and if not, can she recomend someone else.

  • I don’t think you should feel you have to ‘hide’ or suppress things when talking to a therapist - if she’s making you feel that you need to do that I’d say that she’s not making you feel comfortable and secure enough to talk openly to her. 
    both myself and my youngest son have had therapy - I had therapy for ptsd and my therapist was wonderful and really helped me. My son had therapy for depression and ocd - his first therapist was incredibly nice but didn’t really help him, and his second therapist was quite harsh and abrupt and really alienated him - and she didn’t help him at all. After a whole year of this the therapy ended and my son didn’t feel he’d been helped at all and felt alienated from the whole process. So we had very different experiences. I think that you should ideally feel comfortable enough to be able to be completely open with your therapist - and if you feel you can’t maybe discuss with her that this is something your struggling with or confused about. She’s there to help you -  it’s her job not yours to solve the problems that arise during therapy. 

  • There is a reason Steph Jones wrote "The autistic survival guide to therapy".

    I have not read it but I can imagine e some if the things it covers 

    The purpose is to get help with what is bothering you, or what you are stuck with. It is not to make them feel good, or make their life easy, etc. This is actually masking, if you are managing how they feel. It really is for you to steer. If you want to talk about something, or not talk about something, then say. Tell them what you've said here. They only know what you say.

    If you want to talk about bullying, then go ahead. But note they don't need to know every detail, although you may want to tell them. They may want to probe how you feel now, how you felt then, why you think certain things, and whether they are true. Then maybe some exercises to see if you can change your perception.

    They can't erase the memories, but can help you feel better about yourself and how to deal with the emotions. If you get too distressed they may stop. That does not mean you did anything wrong. It is to take things in small chunks so you don't make yourself worse (and re-traumatise yourself).

    But there is no magic wand that fixes things. Progress can be slow and also come in jumps as you unblock things or understand them.

    I think it takes at least 6 sessions to to make some progress and get to know each other, and for you to really trust them.

    You won't solve everything, even in 20 sessions. But they can help steer you if you are stuck and don't know where to start. I have used them for this then spend lots of time (20 hours +)  thinking and researching between sessions. I also used them to check what I thought, to make sure I wasn't convincing myself of having something I didn't, i.e. for validation (but since I always try to disprove things and look for alternative explanations I haven't fallen into this trap).

    If you don't agree with what they say speak up. They should be happy to hear and discuss why you think that.

    If you are private, if you are struggling to understand each other, then you could consider someone else. If they are not experienced with autism, what they suggest may not be helpful.

    They may not get why you want to understand stuff in tiny detail. But autistic brains are often stuck because they don't understand, not because they need empathy and soothing words (although that is not a bad thing). It is a different approach.

    Her comment of not looking for problems and thinking you might have issues just because you read about them, is well intentioned. But you know what is bothering you, so don't be put off.

  • in reply to Monkeyclogs

    Thank you , that does make sense. I don't have a frame of reference so it's tricky to judge what I should be doing, so that is helpful!

  • I've had a lot of therapy over the last 30 years. Mostly it hasn't helped, some of it has been very damaging. However, since diagnosis I started again with a therapist who is more neurodiversity informed and it actually feels helpful.

    My advice, for what its worth, is to take your questions to the therapy session you have booked and see what the therapist says in response. But, if after that you still feel like you are questioning if you have to hide part of yourself then you possibly need to find a different therapist who you feel completely comfortable with.