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Recieving counselling

Cinnabar_wing

I was just wanting to ask advice from people who have recieved counselling/therapy etc. 
How do you know if you might have hit a wall with it and if it's worth doing anymore?

For background, I've had 4 session with a counsellor since October, whom I got on her waiting list just before I decided to go ahead with my ASD assessment. Before I started I told her about being in the middle of being assessed so she knew my situation from that I had previously stated.

My last appointment with her, I told her I had been confirmed with ASD, and she got very concerned I don't over research and fall into developing 'new traits' just because I read about them.  I understand her concern as I had heard about some people getting post-diagnosis skills loss, but I don't have time for any of that and am a little scared of unmasking anyway as I saw what I was when I did the assessment and I don't think anyone wants me to be that.

I've booked an appointment with her for after christmas as I was too busy before, but now I don't know what to say next time? She asked some questions to satisfy herself at the start about why I thought I was autistic, but I've been more dealing with the other baggage like childhood bullying and work anxiety, and not so much the ASD problems I face.

Now I don't know if I should hide that side as I don't think she wants to know as she's concerned about me throwing everything away I think? Is this what it's like talking to people? Trying to open up was so hard, now it feels it's better to seal it all away again? Or is this something that has to be worked through?

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  • I'm going to be contravercial here, (surprise surprise), I dont' think it's always the best thing to have someone who specialises in a certain area, like ND, not every problem, situation or life experience is to do with ND and I think what a lot of people want is to know they're not alone in what or how they feel, normal under the circumstances can feel such a relief. One fo the questions I used to ask my clients who were beating themselves up for being weak or something was, 'what would you say to someone else, a friend or family member, who told you all the things you've just told me?' 9 times out of 10 they'd be much kinder to another than to themselves, but that question validates their feelings to themselves. Whilst someone who's ND might process things differently, oe of the things counselling teaches you as that we all hurt and are often hurt by the same things, people will feel the same shame, anger, fear, etc if they've been abused as a child regardless of they're neurotype. 

    I think your counsellor could be being very wise to warn you about looking at everything through an ND lens, especially if you're feeling wobbly anyway, you've probably had enough people telling you all the things you can't do, shouldn't do, ought to do, so dont' let your diagnosis disempower you. Maybe suggest to your therapist that you think she has things to teach you so as you can go on fixing yourself and not getting into the same holes again?

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Thanks, yes it was something that has come up, that I have difficulty extending the same empathy I show others to myself.  I know what you mean about the same holes, as if I mention one thing and she says about trying to allow something for myself, I'll tick that off my list as a thing I've spoken about once so probably don't need to mention again, but fail to apply the same understandings to a different issue. As a grown up, I would tell someone else it takes time to build up self esteem from nothing, but I can still be blind to thinking I can fix something after a few sessions. 

    And yes, very wobbly at the moment, and I don't know whether I need to give myself a breather or plow on regardless (the latter being my normal way of doing things). 

  • in reply to Cinnabar_wing

    Rereading some earlier posts from this thread. This is spot on I only remembered today that I am often too giving to others (almost like a reflex action) talking giving me them things I actually need. 
    Asking for things I need or doing things I need to t crucial times can be problematic too. 
    I thought generally this was self care, it’s actually self compassion. 

  • in reply to pietro_21
    pietro_21 said:
    I thought generally this was self care, it’s actually self compassion

    Yes, this is such a hard skill to learn, self compassion when you aren't used to it.

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