I struggle with not knowing if I should push myself or accomodate myself

I really agree with everyone else here in that it's really tricky to get the right balance. I'm 52 and was diagnosed about 3 years ago. In my case I think that I would have done less with my life if I'd had my diagnosis younger. I was always pushing myself because I felt that I had to work hard to get better at socialising, annoyed with myself that I wasn't good enough to fit in with others.

I had a lot of very upsetting times at school, college, parties, weddings etc, but after going home and recovering from the upset I tried again and again. Each time I analysed what I thought I'd done right and wrong, so that I would know next time. It was a very slow and painful process but it did lead to me getting better at socialising.

Since my diagnosis I have taken my foot of the gas and not attended social things as much, giving myself permission to not go through the stress. However, I think that has culminated in me now having much higher anxiety when I do see people.

So for me, I keep going out and pushing myself to the limit as much as possible, a reasonable level of discomfort is OK.

This is the conclusion I have come to as well Kate Kestrel, the tricky part is finding the right amount of balance which I guess will be different for everyone...is it a bit of a trial and error process, see what works and what doesn't...

It’s tricky isn’t it? Getting that balance right is not an easy thing to do. My son and myself deal with this a lot - our instinct is to withdraw from things a lot because we are easily overwhelmed and find facing challenges exhausting -  at the same time that can mean your world shrinks to a very isolated life and the less you do the more scary doing anything starts to feel. So overall I think gently pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone at a rate we can cope with is generally a good idea. Often we will think we don’t have the energy to face going out for example - and the stresses of that - but when we actually do do something like that we’re usually glad we did. 

Thanks for your good wishes Dormouse!

whiteD404 said:

Going back to work is on the horizon which I will need to be ready for.

With my good wishes for your preparation - ready for your return to work.

I know what you mean, and it can't really be described as self doubt, but like you say not knowing, I hate it when people ask me what I want in life, I'm 63 and I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. People make suggestions and I end up sounding like I'm playing the yes, but game and I'm not, there are reasons, not excuses, for why I can't do some things, but a lot of the time I end up thinking 'well anyone could do that if they had the tools and knew how'. 

I need to be able to picture something in my mind before I can do it and even then whats in my head dosen't always come forth into the world, like I can visualise dance steps, but I have no sense of rhythm at all. I'm the same with tech, its like a big featureless grey wall that can't see around or over.

I wonder if it's not so much that us as ASC people don't know if we'd be able to do something or that we'd be pushing to hard, but that we have problems visualising ourselves doing something and need something a bit more lateral. But then I know some people on here are very vertical thinkers and everything has a set of logical steps, if you're brain dosen't work that way it's very hard to explain to people.

Its a question, if I have understood your post correctly, that I am figuring out myself. Since my discovery of being autistic, I have shied away from a lot of social stuff, those small things I have done have come with a heavy price. Thinking about the best way of managing this really, and probably thinking too much about it...I think in my case it will be a bit trial and error and a slow/careful process. Going back to work is on the horizon which I will need to be ready for. Not sure if that really answers your question, I am still figuring out stuff myself

We have certain rules on this forum & one of them is not to offer medical advice.   

You could well argue that someone giving you an opinion on your current ability to function in the workplace is offering medical advice of sorts.

Therefore, anything said here has to come with a big disclaimer that we are only giving opinions, or recounting from our own lives - and that when in doubt, it is best that you should seek professional guidance.

That said.  To precis what you've stated yourself, you've learned plenty but haven't the workplace experience - and feel self-doubt as to whether you'd be able to perform in that environment.  I guess some would suggest you could do with a work coach of sorts, or even something voluntary as a taster - to see how you'd cope with less obligations. 

You could speak to your GP about social prescribing too, which I feel might help you.  It is essentially about matching people with groups or activities in their area that could be beneficial.  

www.england.nhs.uk/.../

This is quite relateable. I'm late self diagnosed and have achieved a few things in my life, and I often wonder if I would've achieved them or felt like I just had to push through before I knew I was autistic. My life would probably look quite different if it had been identified as a child or even a young man.

I'm currently in burnout and I'm fairly sure it's a result of doing way too much and not letting myself rest enough, or just take life at a slower pace, which I definitely am doing now, but also wondering if it's too late and I'll be in burnout forever.

It takes so much time to learn energy management and recognise when things feel 'too much', and also put routines and systems in place that remind us that we may need recovery time later.

I was talking to my partner about this yesterday and I said that when I feel a little more high energy I have to be careful not to 'overspend' that energy and push myself into overwhelm or worse. It's so easy to get carried away when we're feeling good. Being mindful is useful as it helps us not to overspend, but it's also exhausting to try being mindful of everything single thing we do, and it would be lovely just to be able to do things without worrying if I'm going to pay for it later with a mood dip that finishes my day.