Published on 12, July, 2020
Grief is linked to death. If you’re diagnosed as autistic late in life, you’re saying goodbye to who you’ve been for many years…and that opens up a big box of feelings that take a long time – potentially years – to process.
How have you coped with your late autism diagnosis/realisation? I've made a video (in the usual place) about my own late diagnosis feelings.
I decided to remove my previous response, because I realised it could actually be offensive. I can say that easier - self realisation gave me new identity and language to name my issues which I always had, also helped me find other people with similar experience. I always felt I’m different, I felt inferior but I thought it was my personal failure. So what has changed is not me, but my identity and awareness. Identity itself is not so important, but in this case it actually is, because it’s an explanation to all my struggles. If I get diagnosed in the future it will be only a confirmation of what I already know and strongly suspect. Tge moment of Realisation wasn’t easy, I had meltdown and then I was in rejection to finally accept the new word “autism” as the description of my life experience. What I grieved were years of struggles and I didn’t know why and what was “wrong” with me. But being diagnosed earlier in life would not be a guarantee of me getting support. There are many diagnosed people who still don’t get support and understanding they need. Now I’m just in peace with myself although I’m still struggling with my mental health, especially emotional regulation and other things.
You know that clechie where people say 'I've always known'. well that was me. The diagnosis merely confirmed what I already knew. I knew I was difrent as a child. In my 20 autism just gave me a name for it. Later in life when I got the diagnosis frankly I would have been more suprised if they hadn't diagnosed me. You can't grive for the normality you never felt you had. ... But then normality sucks so who cares.
I think I would have been kinder to myself too. I'm sure I would still have been mistreated, but I wouldn't have blamed myself as much as I did. I went through a phase of reading self-help books because I thought I was the problem. I'm not the problem - I'm just autistic.
Hi, I was diagnosed autistic about 2 years ago, aged 56. I was self diagnosed years before I had the courage to ask my GP for an assessment, (and then it was more than a 3 years wait) but being told officially did indeed open "a big box of feelings" which i am still processing.
I'm not sure that it would have made much difference to the way I was treated by other people if I had been diagnosed as a child, but I would have at least understood why I was having so much difficulty fitting in, and I think I would have been kinder to myself about it and less ready to believe that I was a bad person. But at least I'm working on that now, with my new understanding. I've also read a lot of self help books and had some CBT therapy. And adopted an RSPCA cat called Fluff. They've all helped.
Thank you for your response. It is also a relief to know that I'm not alone.
You are still the person you were but with just a little more information.
I was given a preliminary diagnosis at 50, 3 years down the line I'm still awaiting an appointment.
I often feel a sense of loss/grief but I had those feelings before it was even suggested that I was autistic.
For me, I was relieved, at least I now know why I feel the way I do and why I struggle with certain interactions.