Wasted time with mental health

No need to apologise - we all have times like that, and your post has probably also been helpful to others who may feel the same and feel better for knowing that they are not alone. Glad you feel a bit better today :) 

Dear NAS78316,

I am sorry to hear about your Mum passing and that this has led to mental health struggles. You may like to have a look at the mental health section of our website which has useful links to information and advice about a range of mental health issues: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health  

If you feel that you might need some support with your mental health, you can find advice and information on how to go about seeking help, including links to other resources and details of helplines and listening support services, here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/seeking-help. 

You may want to look at our pages about bereavement, they include information about how it can affect autistic people and what you can do to help: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/bereavement 

Kind Regards,

Rosie Mod

You do deserve support-no one asks to lose someone or struggle mentally-always seek support if you need to. Keep positive! 

You are kind and show grace towards me and my failings......and for that I am very grateful to you.

I will explain myself elsewhere.  Thank you for your understanding.

Sincere best wishes to you.

Number.

Hi again.

Thanks. This thread has gone into a something nice where we are able to connect and relate, something that’s important but difficult to do though I have noticed on this site it’s easier to do. In person I struggle with it. Loss is something I still haven’t come to terms with. I feel I am always trying to process it but not ever being able to, it’s a constant battle, but my therapist assures me we’ll get there together so I hope she’s right as it’s never been possible on my own.

It helps knowing we all experience these things, though I'm sorry others go through this. But today is a new day, and it already feels like its going to be a good one :) 

This site is a friendly resource and I admit, I would be lost without it. I don’t always post but I do read a lot of the discussions and this site’s lucky to be blessed with so many knowledgeable and supportive people here.

I appreciate your reply.  Essays are difficult not to write when you get on a roll - me too! :-) It's great to see you are feeling better today and to see that people are connecting through their losses too.  It's indescribable when someone is no longer there.  I'm glad this post has opened a space where people can find comfort in each other. I think your post has helped many people here be open about their struggles so thanks to you for reaching out and for others for being open and honest about how it is for them.  This site is so heart warming in the depths of difficulty. 

Thank you Paige. I'm sorry for yours and Kate Kestrels losses.

All your replies have been more than helpful and more than I deserve. I'm feeling more positive again this morning, last night was a bit of a blip but today is a new day. 

I'm so sorry to hear about the struggles you've faced with your mental health over the years-It's incredibly tough to feel like you've been fighting against your own mind for so long. Change can be a difficult and sometimes painful process-especially when it involves losing people we love. It's understandable that you feel like you've lost a part of yourself along the way-I've had much the same experience with my own mental health. 

It's important to remember that healing and growth take time, and it's okay to feel frustrated with the process because it can be long and stressful where you feel you're getting nowhere-but you are making progress-you're still here fighting-opening up and you never need to apologise for opening up! It's a healthy thing to do. Grieving the loss of your mum must've been a devastating experience, and it's natural for such a significant event to have a profound impact on your mental health-losing my mum was the start of my mental health problems. Please know that you're not alone in this journey-so many of us can relate to what you've been through and how you're feeling. I hope knowing this will help you to feel less alone in what you're going through. 

Keep moving forward-one step at a time-and be gentle and kind with yourself along the way. You will get there I promise. X

Thank you :) 

Grace said:

I'm sorry for making this post, it was a hard day and I was tired and irritable at the time but I'm feeling better again.

Don't be sorry.

That is what we are here for.

I am glad you are feeling better but remember this refuge is here in hard times.

Be safe and well.

Hi Number,

My activity here is very vast, I've been a member for a long time. I don't normally post anything about my struggles, but I was tired last night, it had been one long anxious day. 

Re. my pfp it's really nothing special, just something I mocked up. I am interested in your thoughts of my writing? :) I say this as writing is something I'm not so creative with or really interested in anymore. 

Hello, thanks for you reply and please accept my apologies for my op, I was really tired when I wrote it, yesterday was a long day for me. 

I am grateful for you replying though.

Do you find counselling helpful or is it better for you to lose yourself in activities?

I've seen my therapist a couple of times but haven't noticed any changes in myself yet but it might be too early to for that to happen, or it might be happening already and I haven't noticed yet.

I find talking a great outlet. And interacting with others, one of the reasons I come here. 

I also try to keep myself busy but that's a tricky one as some days I seem to have absolutely no motivation to do things, like just getting out of bed is a challenge on those days but then I think I might be experiencing burnout as I'm always exhausted.

Sorry I'm turning this in to an essay. 

I think something I still try and do unsuccessfully so far is process the loss of my mum and deal with accepting it. I'm still not sure how to do either but I'm hoping my therapist can help me there. 

I'm glad you're still here in this world and I'm glad you made it back to the site. Thanks for your help tonight :) 

Hello, thanks for replying. 

Kate Kestrel said:

You need to be a friend to yourself - not your own worst enemy.

This is where I really find it difficult because I'm always trying to be kind to myself but my anxiety is always bad and I'm always feeling down it's a constant on going thing. I have a therapist and I've had a couple of discussions with her but so far I've not noticed any changes with my life. 

It might still be too early for things to improve though, I don't know how it works.

Kate Kestrel said:

Do you have other family members who are helping you through this time? Or friends you are close to?

Yes, as well as my therapist I also have my dad and sisters who do offer me support. I'm not the best at asking for help, I generally keep my head down and hope things will work out but they are all good as gold and very supportive of my autism and other struggles.

I'm sorry for making this post, it was a hard day and I was tired and irritable at the time but I'm feeling better again.

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful response. 

Hi - I’m so sorry, it sounds like you’ve had an incredibly difficult time. I’m sorry you lost your mum at such a young age - that must have been incredibly difficult for you and your whole family. 
If possible try not to think of these recent years as completely wasted years. Even though they’ve been so painful for you I think it’s likely that you’ve learned some valuable lessons during this time, even though at times it doesn’t feel that way. 
Also - you are still here, still alive. After dealing with so many challenges and mental health problems that is no small achievement. Your mum would want you to still be here, and she would want you to rebuild your life and find some happiness - however long that takes. Don’t give up - as long as we are alive there is always hope of a happier future.

In my life I’ve had times when I thought I’d never enjoy anything ever again. I’ve experienced utter hopelessness and felt I couldn’t go on - but things have changed (even though it took a lot of time and work on my part to get to a point where I felt some hope and even happiness). i believe that if it’s possible for me it’s possible for anyone - because there’s nothing unique about me. All human beings have the capacity for joy inside them - I really believe that. 

My mum died last year - but she’s still a part of my life. Your mum is a part of you and she would want you recover from your grief and enjoy your life. You are her continuation - she lives on in you. 
Nothing is wasted - I’m sure your experience has given you compassion for others who have also suffered. And you are still young - I realise it might not feel like that but at 27 you are still young and you have a lot of time to turn things around. 

Also - you say that your ‘own mind hates me so much’ - but your own mind cannot hate you! It’s not separate from you and not ‘against you’. Your mind is a part of you - so try to view it with compassion. Your mind is tired and overworked - but it’s doing its best in difficult circumstances. It has to deal with a lot and it’s actually doing lots of amazing and miraculous things every single second of the day. It’s helping you to read these words now, to breathe, to think, to move. Try not to view your own mind as an ‘enemy’ - instead view it as a part of you that requires care and compassion. Hating our own mind is a bit like body hatred - to hold on to that perspective is destructive and only adds to your pain. We need to learn to love our own bodies and minds, and to take care of them. If your mum were still here she would love you body and soul and mind - but as she’s not able to be here to do that you must give that caring, nurturing support to yourself. We can do this if we change our mindset and stop all the self hatred that we so easily slip into when we have mental health struggles. You need to be a friend to yourself - not your own worst enemy. Try to imagine what your mum would say to you now if she were here. She would say kind words to you wouldn’t she? So try to do that too - do it for her because she would dearly want you to be kind to yourself - not speak to yourself harshly and with judgement. Do you have other family members who are helping you through this time? Or friends you are close to? Try to accept support from others if you have loved one or friends that you trust and can rely on. 
I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Each day is a new day and change is possible - in time. 

Yes, losing people is like losing a part of yourself especially if who they were was directly related to who you were/are.  It's so heart wrenching to feel that sense of loss of identity and meaning but you're brave in posting it here.  I'm glad you have because you will receive a lot of support from people who can relate to that feeling.

I see time as a learning period including all the nasty things that have happened in my life.  There have been many.  I am glad to be here because things do get better and with age, things improve as you learn more about yourself.  It sounds like you do know yourself pretty well so accepting the loss of your mum and others will be your next step towards a different life.  It won't be the same life as before which in itself is terrifying but it'll have joy in there too.  Do you find counselling helpful or is it better for you to lose yourself in activities? You sound like a strong and brave person.  Thanks for posting here.

I am especially DEEPLY interested in the history of your activity here.  I encourage all us humans to take a look to understand you better.

Hello 78316.  I am Number.  That is a great choice of avatar!  I can see the tragedy that you speak of.  Those who know me will know that I am DEEPLY interested by your writing.  Can you tell us how we might be able to help you somehow?