Wasted time with mental health

Hi - I’m so sorry, it sounds like you’ve had an incredibly difficult time. I’m sorry you lost your mum at such a young age - that must have been incredibly difficult for you and your whole family. 
If possible try not to think of these recent years as completely wasted years. Even though they’ve been so painful for you I think it’s likely that you’ve learned some valuable lessons during this time, even though at times it doesn’t feel that way. 
Also - you are still here, still alive. After dealing with so many challenges and mental health problems that is no small achievement. Your mum would want you to still be here, and she would want you to rebuild your life and find some happiness - however long that takes. Don’t give up - as long as we are alive there is always hope of a happier future.

In my life I’ve had times when I thought I’d never enjoy anything ever again. I’ve experienced utter hopelessness and felt I couldn’t go on - but things have changed (even though it took a lot of time and work on my part to get to a point where I felt some hope and even happiness). i believe that if it’s possible for me it’s possible for anyone - because there’s nothing unique about me. All human beings have the capacity for joy inside them - I really believe that. 

My mum died last year - but she’s still a part of my life. Your mum is a part of you and she would want you recover from your grief and enjoy your life. You are her continuation - she lives on in you. 
Nothing is wasted - I’m sure your experience has given you compassion for others who have also suffered. And you are still young - I realise it might not feel like that but at 27 you are still young and you have a lot of time to turn things around. 

Also - you say that your ‘own mind hates me so much’ - but your own mind cannot hate you! It’s not separate from you and not ‘against you’. Your mind is a part of you - so try to view it with compassion. Your mind is tired and overworked - but it’s doing its best in difficult circumstances. It has to deal with a lot and it’s actually doing lots of amazing and miraculous things every single second of the day. It’s helping you to read these words now, to breathe, to think, to move. Try not to view your own mind as an ‘enemy’ - instead view it as a part of you that requires care and compassion. Hating our own mind is a bit like body hatred - to hold on to that perspective is destructive and only adds to your pain. We need to learn to love our own bodies and minds, and to take care of them. If your mum were still here she would love you body and soul and mind - but as she’s not able to be here to do that you must give that caring, nurturing support to yourself. We can do this if we change our mindset and stop all the self hatred that we so easily slip into when we have mental health struggles. You need to be a friend to yourself - not your own worst enemy. Try to imagine what your mum would say to you now if she were here. She would say kind words to you wouldn’t she? So try to do that too - do it for her because she would dearly want you to be kind to yourself - not speak to yourself harshly and with judgement. Do you have other family members who are helping you through this time? Or friends you are close to? Try to accept support from others if you have loved one or friends that you trust and can rely on. 
I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Each day is a new day and change is possible - in time. 

Hello, thanks for replying. 

Kate Kestrel said:

You need to be a friend to yourself - not your own worst enemy.

This is where I really find it difficult because I'm always trying to be kind to myself but my anxiety is always bad and I'm always feeling down it's a constant on going thing. I have a therapist and I've had a couple of discussions with her but so far I've not noticed any changes with my life. 

It might still be too early for things to improve though, I don't know how it works.

Kate Kestrel said:

Do you have other family members who are helping you through this time? Or friends you are close to?

Yes, as well as my therapist I also have my dad and sisters who do offer me support. I'm not the best at asking for help, I generally keep my head down and hope things will work out but they are all good as gold and very supportive of my autism and other struggles.

I'm sorry for making this post, it was a hard day and I was tired and irritable at the time but I'm feeling better again.

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful response. 

No need to apologise - we all have times like that, and your post has probably also been helpful to others who may feel the same and feel better for knowing that they are not alone. Glad you feel a bit better today :) 

No need to apologise - we all have times like that, and your post has probably also been helpful to others who may feel the same and feel better for knowing that they are not alone. Glad you feel a bit better today :)