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Not feeling OK.. for a long time now.

McG

Hello everyone,

I am currently un-diagnosed with anything and awaiting an ASD which can take up to 20 months.  I am currently a year into that wait.

I'm not sure how to start this discussion as i have had to bullet point everything.  I cannot justify in saying there is something  a miss due to my condition because medically at the moment I do not have one.  But i feel i need to say something as i'm not sure if I am genuinely struggling or it is a case of self loathing, I can't tell either apart.

- For a long time I have been worrying, not about anything in general, just a constant state of melancholy, I never really feel 'happy' which is strange considering I have a lovely home, a fantastic wife and two amazing kids.

-  I have always been socially awkward and find it very difficult to be around others including work where I am struggling to do daily tasks and feeling a have to put on a 'brave' face every time I encounter a work colleague. 

-  I am also getting 'brain fog' more and more again which I have had in the past, usually it would've been at work, but its at home now as well.  Struggling with concentration and empathy towards my loved ones.

- I simply want to be alone all the time, but with work, a house to run and family to take care off, its nearly impossible to achieve this. 

-  I have been feeling emotional quite a bit for a long time, a sense of a peak happiness is quickly followed by sadness and emotion be that from having fun with my kids or listening to music, which i do alot!

-  I feel I don't do enough for my family and I am selfish without knowing it. I love my wife with all my heart but I feel I don't do enough and in turn I feel like one of the kids as I feel she communicates to me like one of the kids when is come to discipline, I feel I can't make her happy because I am so wrapped up in my own selfishness and self loathing.

- I don't know why I feel like this, I have no need to.  I have a wonderful family and now I feel I am being selfish for feeling this way when I shouldn't.  But I can't seem to tell what is being selfish and self loathing and what is an actual issue that I maybe have.

Some thoughts and tips would be fantastic as I feel I am really struggling at the moment, when I perhaps shouldn't be.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this.

  • in reply to Tigernew40

    Thank you for the advice, will take on board and definitely try a few of the techniques, every little helps I suppose.

    I did dabble in vipassana meditation, but soon lost interest. I must get back to it.

    Thanks again for your help.

  • in reply to McG

    Apologies,

    I’ll explain a few things that have helped me and still do daily.

    it all starts the day before:

    I play my day coming the night before

    I have bullet points and times

    from getting up to brushing teeth to get walking then down to the bed time routine.

    i drink 3l of water a day

     at healthily counting my calories protein etc

    i meditate 3 times per day with the head space app, nothing major 5 mins a go 

    I make time for my self with hobbies 

    I plan in time with my kids 

    I plan on time with my wife 

    I do my bit in the house 

    I also write 3 x things im grateful for 

    3 x things I can improve on

    and I always ask my self the same questions before bed

    did I really try today?

    and what can I do tomorrow to love myself more?

    these are the basics of what I do and have taken loads of practice, I have had such a tough year and we have been through a lot I’m sick of worrying about things that have happened and might not happen

    i keep busy to distract my mind because if I stay still I will create a problem

    sorry went on a bit there I hope you can take just a piece of what I have wrote and use it

    start wit yourself because if your no good to you your no good to anyone else 

  • in reply to Tigernew40

    Sadly I live in Northern Ireland where this option is unavailable. Unfortunately we here are still behind the rest of the UK by at least 10 years as our politicians cant seem to.do the job they're supposed to.

    But thankyou for.your support, I have to wait it out for an outcome.

  • I may be able to help!!!

    I was/am exactly the same, when things get on top of me I shut off, I’ve been off work since January and was in the same waiting list as yourself so decided to go down the right to choose route. Have you heard of this?

  • in reply to Andy

    Thankyou for your help.

    I do feel burnt out, I've recently had 3 anniversaries of loved ones I've lost happen in quick succession recently which I am finding hard to deal with. 

    My wife is a great support and rock to me, I don't know what I would do without her. I don't like letting loved ones down, namely her.

    The wait for the assessment, literally feels like a weight on me I can't shift. If I knew what the issue was I could try and program myself to accept and cope better possibility.

    Again, thanks for your advice

  • It's clear you're going through a challenging time, and exploring your feelings is a good step, although you’re giving yourself a hard time by thinking you’re selfish etc. Your feelings are valid, whether or not you have a formal diagnosis, and you can have everything in the world but still feel the way you do… in some way that makes it more difficult as you feel more guilty for having everything but still feeling bad. Emotions, depression, do not discriminate. Many people experience similar struggles, and it doesn't make them any less real or significant. While waiting for your ASD assessment, consider seeking support around your mental health or try out some  mindfulness, meditation, or gentle exercise that can help with brain fog and emotional regulation. Breaking tasks into smaller, manageable steps at work and home can reduce feelings of being overwhelmed. Even completing one small task is still an achievement you should be proud of, as it can be so hard sometimes especially when you’re feeling low. It might also help to have an open conversation with your wife about how you’re feeling, so she can understand and hopefully make you feel less anxious about your feelings of not making her happy. 
    I have found watching lots of YouTube videos about autistic burnout also very helpful, you may want to try watching some of these too as it might help you process what sounds like autistic burnout.

  • in reply to Rosie Mod

    Thank you for your help and guidance, much appreciated.

  • Hi McG, 

    We are sorry that you are not feeling okay. It is good that you are on the waiting list for a diagnosis. You may find it useful to have a look at our autism page on our website which has a vast amount of information. The page contains information on the basics of what the autism spectrum is, how it's defined in a clinical sense, and the characteristics of autism: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/what-is-autism 

    You may like to have a look at the mental health section of our website which has useful links to information and advice about a range of mental health issues: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health  

    If you feel that you might need some support with your mental health, you can find advice and information on how to go about seeking help, including links to other resources and details of helplines and listening support services, here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/seeking-help. 

    Kind Regards,

    Rosie Mod