Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone,
I am currently un-diagnosed with anything and awaiting an ASD which can take up to 20 months. I am currently a year into that wait.
I'm not sure how to start this discussion as i have had to bullet point everything. I cannot justify in saying there is something a miss due to my condition because medically at the moment I do not have one. But i feel i need to say something as i'm not sure if I am genuinely struggling or it is a case of self loathing, I can't tell either apart.
- For a long time I have been worrying, not about anything in general, just a constant state of melancholy, I never really feel 'happy' which is strange considering I have a lovely home, a fantastic wife and two amazing kids.
- I have always been socially awkward and find it very difficult to be around others including work where I am struggling to do daily tasks and feeling a have to put on a 'brave' face every time I encounter a work colleague.
- I am also getting 'brain fog' more and more again which I have had in the past, usually it would've been at work, but its at home now as well. Struggling with concentration and empathy towards my loved ones.
- I simply want to be alone all the time, but with work, a house to run and family to take care off, its nearly impossible to achieve this.
- I have been feeling emotional quite a bit for a long time, a sense of a peak happiness is quickly followed by sadness and emotion be that from having fun with my kids or listening to music, which i do alot!
- I feel I don't do enough for my family and I am selfish without knowing it. I love my wife with all my heart but I feel I don't do enough and in turn I feel like one of the kids as I feel she communicates to me like one of the kids when is come to discipline, I feel I can't make her happy because I am so wrapped up in my own selfishness and self loathing.
- I don't know why I feel like this, I have no need to. I have a wonderful family and now I feel I am being selfish for feeling this way when I shouldn't. But I can't seem to tell what is being selfish and self loathing and what is an actual issue that I maybe have.
Some thoughts and tips would be fantastic as I feel I am really struggling at the moment, when I perhaps shouldn't be.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this.
I may be able to help!!!
I was/am exactly the same, when things get on top of me I shut off, I’ve been off work since January and was in the same waiting list as yourself so decided to go down the right to choose route. Have you heard of this?
Sadly I live in Northern Ireland where this option is unavailable. Unfortunately we here are still behind the rest of the UK by at least 10 years as our politicians cant seem to.do the job they're supposed to.
But thankyou for.your support, I have to wait it out for an outcome.