Do antidepressants work?

Hi bees,

Yes - anti-depressants made me feel absolutely terrible, to the extent that I wanted to kill myself (which I wasn’t planning on doing before I took them. My husband remembers he was so scared because I was so CALMLY talking about how I should probably kill myself. Like : ‘it would make sense’ to do that. It was probably the second most terrible experience of my whole life. Having said that I know that some people find them really helpful. 
After my experience though it would feel like Russian roulette to take them again, and I’m not willing to take that risk again.

Like Tulip I feel that being autistic and the problems I had growing up (in various complex ways) lie behind the reason I went to the GP years ago and was prescribed anti-depression (years before I was diagnosed as autistic). I had really terrible side effects with anti-depressants so I had to stop taking them. Looking back I now view this as a good thing as I had to find other ways to approach my mental health issues (mainly anxiety with depression caused sometimes by being so worn out dealing with such severe anxiety). 
The causes of my mental health issues were complex and I’m glad that I had to work to understand them because I think that’s helped me long term.

everyone is different though - so what works for one person won’t work for another. I always recommend a book called ‘how to be your own therapist’ by Owen O’Kane because it’s a straightforward first approach to working out  how your life story has impacted on your mental health. But there is so much to read and so much to learn. I think autistic people deal with a lot and it’s bound to take its toll in one way or another. We just need to be forgiving of ourselves and take care of our mental health as best we can, and find the things that work for us. There is so much you can do. GPs often immediately just prescribe SSRIs because it’s an easy and cheap option, but I think there are many other ways to approach this. Good luck! 

If they aren’t helping and you’ve tried more than one, it isn’t depression in my opinion. They won’t help with burnout, which I’m thinking you have.
If you say to a GP, I’m tired all the time, can’t see the point in doing things, and have no motivation, they’ll say oh, you sound like you are depressed. Yes you do. But you aren’t! The two are different, and I’ve experienced both.

As we all are! And I suppose I sound more like this at different points too. I'm definitely working on finding strategies to improve things as well - in fact, I'm about to have therapy and discuss some DBT stuff with my therapist (seeing as I can't access the full programme). We can only do our best.

If you'd asked me earlier this year I wouldn't have been anywhere near as optimistic! But always a work in progress

I love this. I'm also 20 years in but striving to have as optimistic an outlook as you! 

I'm finding as I gain more knowledge around autism in general and how I suspect it applies to me, that it has also helped with the easing of my depression and anxiety in conjunction with the antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication.

I now feel like I'm better able to understand what causes me to become more anxious in particular, but also what makes my depression worse, and to have strategies in place to help me deal with that.

I have also found a counselor that I work well with, which has turned the process into a much more positive experience for me than it has been in the past.

I feel that taking one single approach to depression and anxiety, and their autistic companions, burnout and meltdowns, will never be fully successful in helping people to cope with them. The medications by themselves can only get you so far, you also need to work on recognition of them happening, strategies that might help you stop them developing further, and also strategies to help you cope if you can't stop them developing.

There's no quick fix for any of this. I'm 20 odd years down the line from my first serious depressive episode, and my knowledge has been hard won through a lot of negative experiences. But, I have survived, and I live to fight another day, because I also realise that I'm statistically likely to have another bad episode again. But fight I will.

Thank you for sharing your positive and important experience of them.  I really do like to get a rounded picture of such matters.....and your report above is very helpful for that.

I am really pleased for you that things have turned out well for you all.  Perseverance and hope pays off.

I've been on a few different antidepressants over the years before getting to one that worked for me, I am now on venlafaxine and mirtazipine, as well as propranolol for anxiety.

Whilst I now think some of my depression has been linked to burnouts in the past, it's not all of it and there's absolutely no doubt that the antidepressants have worked for me, as earlier this year I was suicidal and couldn't see a way out of the depression, spending days in bed or on the sofa, not being able to do any of the things I would normally do on a daily basis, let alone bigger things. Now I'm much better able to have a normal (for me) life, I'm going out more, seeing people and doing things, I'm going on holiday next month and am able to make plans and actually stick to them. I enjoy doing things again, and have the energy to be an active parent to my son and wife to my husband.

I don't think it's hyperbolic to say I wouldn't be here without antidepressants.

That being said, I know they don't work for everyone, and often it's a case of working through the options to find the right one for you if you're willing to try that.

They seem to work for some but not everybody.

I was on Sertraline for a while but I found they caused me negative effects mentally and physically so I went off them in the end. 

Yeah, photos are really important to me because I think I also have SDAM and so I don't remember things and if I have photos then I have more chance of sort of remembering, or at least having evidence of nice things having happened and feeling like I might vaguely remember them. It is really fascinating how different everyone's brains are. 

I have a friend who has aphantasia and is a photographer. He said it helps him record his thoughts in visual form to look at later. It's so cool how different everyone's brain is and it's so beneficial when we are able to share our abstract ideas and talents that come with it :) 

I've been on a long list of anti-depressants, along with a few anti-anxiety meds and mood stabilisers. None of them have ever made a marked difference for me, to be honest. I saw a psychiatrist a couple of months ago and he said that we could try x, but he wouldn't be surprised if they didn't work for me either given that none of the others have made much difference. Everyone is different though, some people find them helpful and if you've done your research on side-effects etc. and want to try them, it's worth a go. 

I think with burnout, it seems like drugs aren't going to help much and you'd need to properly rest, indulge in your special interests if you have them and they'd help, and reduce demands if you can. That's the advice I've seen around anecdotally, anyway. I'm very bad at recognising burnout in myself though, I think. I did identify it earlier this year though, which is progress. 

Tangent, but reading about how other peoples' brains work and how they think really is fascinating. As someone with aphantasia this blows my mind, haha. Thanks both for sharing! 

Thanks to the MODS for approving my message - now displayed - as above but one.

In my experience no.
They "keep you level" but what that meant for me was that not only did I not feel the lows, I didn't feel the highs either; sunny days felt cold, my hobbies gathered dust as I just sat there, a butterfly flew in through my window and I felt absolutely indifferent, it introduced to me a new kind of sadness worse than despair and it was the total absence of joy. The only "high" I had on antidepressants were hair trigger meltdowns, thousands of them because I was too numb to tell I needed to extract myself form the cycle but only artificially numb so the stress was still there in my subconsious to build to a meltdown. In fact oddly I even though I was terribly depressed I never had any s*****aI ideation before I took "antidepressants" only after. I would never take them again personally knowing what they do to me. It was like being tortured with no torturer. But now I realise it's as likely because medication can have horrible side effects for autistic people. I don't think pharmacutical companies design medications for anyone who isn't NT, and that is a real issue.  I only took the covid jab because the pros of not getting covid and long covid (again) outweighed the cons, so I measure every medicinal choice very carefully thesedays.
I'm now convinced antidepressants are only useful as a stop gap when you are at your absolute lowest and most at risk to yourself already. But really the best "cure" for depression is to tackle and fix the things that start and then maintain that negative loop. Depression started when you became unemployed? Look for work. Depression started because you felt helpless start to take back control in any little way you can and keep building it up little by little. Depressed because you feel lonely? Reach out and get support. Yh I know it is easier said than done, noone is saying the result will be instant or the healing will be linear but I know it's not impossible because I did it, because the alternative to give up and let it kill me was unacceptable.

I've just written and posted a follow-up ....but it got pulled by the spam bot.......hopefully it will reappear quite quickly.

Bean said:

This sounds so intense!

Yes, it is.  I cope with it by forcing a very clear minded and linear approach to working through "stuff."  Unfortunately, people often misunderstand "my emotion" when I am working through a thought.....they often think that I am cross or angry or arrogant or rude....but I am just being "efficiently intense" to aid my thinking.

I think my instant switch from "cats in a sack" thinking to "monotone bass" thinking is too immediate, intense and unnerving for most 'normal' souls to comfortably accommodate.

I do understand why people perceive me that way quite often, but it does upset me.  No matter how hard I try to pre-explain what I am doing and why I do it that way, they seem unable to believe me or get scared or upset with me.  I think it is exhausting for me and for them alike!!

....but.....there is an upside !  I have a proven track record of getting things (and thinking) done in unusual and innovative ways, and if someone has a problem that they want to talk about with me, I can fully engage with their issue without pus sy-footing around (where other 'normies' would be too "polite" or embarrassed or disinterested to fully engage with their issue.)  I am repeatedly told that I am a very useful person, by people who have complex and difficult problems to process...

Now I know WHY I do it this way, I am less inclined to become upset and can remain calmer and more accommodating of the "fluff" that seems to flow from a more 'standardised' approach !

Viva the Autistic !

Number said:

It is often only when I talk to myself out loud that I realise I'm thinking about something the wrong way round or ***-about-face.

If you don't mind looking like a crazy person.....or feeling like a crazy person if you are on your own.....then I do advocate for a bit of talking to yourself.

People already think I'm a bit crazy, sure might as well go the whole hog . This actually sounds like a great idea. I find I always seek other people out to discuss my feelings with and my poor partner has to listen to me endlessly debating something with myself while he sits and nods occasionally. Maybe I'm unintentionally using other people to talk to myself. I'm definitely going to try this! Thanks for the tip

Number said:

It is quite conceivable that I don't have an effective internal monologue either (it can be either an all encompassing and absorbing single-issue bass tone (lets call that focus)......or a thousand screaming cats in a bag (lets call that my normal!)

This sounds so intense! When I'm in rapid fire mode my brain can flash up images of things I've read, experiences/memories, notes, television, etc. I unconsciously convert words into diagrams in my head and can then manipulate them. It's a bit freaky to other people because my eyes can be darting back and forward rapidly while I put it altogether. I guess it's why I'm good at research. But I have trouble distinguishing between things I have read, things I have seen, things I have thought about happening, things I have dreamt, etc., because they are all stored in the same format. It can also make it difficult to get over traumatic memories because I see them so vividly no matter how long ago they were. The brain is a magical and strange thing sometimes. I always find it interesting how people think and the neurodivergent community have the most interesting and unique ways. It's something I think is a bit wonderful about us

Also, lovely to meet you too!

Best,
Bean

Bean said:

I have no internal monologue at all so it's hard to identify negative thinking until it has physical manifestations.

It is quite conceivable that I don't have an effective internal monologue either (it can be either an all encompassing and absorbing single-issue bass tone (lets call that focus)......or a thousand screaming cats in a bag (lets call that my normal!)

However, I do find that talking to myself out loud does offer me some additional clarity to what I am actually thinking (and perhaps more importantly) HOW I am thinking about stuff.  It is often only when I talk to myself out loud that I realise I'm thinking about something the wrong way round or ***-about-face.

If you don't mind looking like a crazy person.....or feeling like a crazy person if you are on your own.....then I do advocate for a bit of talking to yourself.

Nice to meet you Bean.

Regards

Number.