Suicide

It's so nice to hear that you're being supported and comforted when you need it the most, and that you are in a secure location where you can recover. It's nice seeing the photos and knowing that you are okay.

So glad you managed to get help! You sound much better already, and I’m sure you will continue to feel that way. Sending healing thoughts to you  xx

glad to hear you are safe and well and in the right place to get all the help you need

Just wanted to add another quick update. I had a good ish first night in hospital. I had a few nightmares and woke up screaming and crying but the nurses were really good and looked after me, one called Teresa gave me a hug which was really nice. I keep worrying that my dad will come to get me but the nurses say he can't do that which is a relief. I'm hoping I won't have to see him again.

Here are some pictures I took of the hospital. You can see parts of my room and the dining room. It's nice and peaceful here and I can't hurt myself so I'm safe and happy.

I'll try to post another update soon. Have a lovely day!

She took the first step; the hardest. 

I can't even begin to tell you how brave you are to first of all tell us how you feel and then go and get some help.  You are a very strong person and I really feel that you will turn your life around and be happy, it may take some time but you have made the right first steps..

Wow that's all so great to hear! I'm so glad that you decided to call your doctor and get the help you deserve. Yes, honestly, a majority of people are more nice and kind than you'd ever think that they would be, and instead of causing your wounds, they'll help you treat them, and that's really what support and care is all about.

I mean you have to be careful about who gets to be around you, because even one bad person can mess up your life a ton, but one supportive person can improve your life a ton, and you're the gatekeeper in choosing who gets to hang around you or not. And leaving bad people is an option you always have.

And I think it would be useful for you to learn skills like setting boundaries and being assertive, because these types of things help protect you against being taken advantage of. And if anyone behaves the way your dad does, stay a mile away from them! 

Thank you so much :) I feel so much happier now and I'm not feeling low at the moment which is fab! I've already met some lovely nurses who are really nice. And I feel very safe in my room :) 

Xx

Well done for getting help for yourself SadGirl- a courageous and bold decision. So many of us have the trait of blaming ourselves for other people's wrongdoings; without any question, you'll meet other people who will very quickly like your good qualities, and you'll look back with surprise at how you were recently feeling.

Thank you Ducky :) I really am feeling so good right now.

Everyone is so nice, and the nurses have given me some creams to help with my cuts so hopefully those can start to heal now.

Xx

It’s really good to hear from you, SadGirl - I’d been wondering how you were doing.  So glad you’re getting help and feeling better.  

Oh also forgot to say, I've only been in hospital for a short time but the medication I'm on is working already, I don't feel suicidal today and I feel hopeful about the future for the first time in years :) 

Thank you again.

Xx

Just wanted to update you and thank you all for your sympathy and support during my difficulties. It means a lot to me that I have so many good people I can turn to :)

I phoned my doctor and I am now in a hospital for people who are suffering with bad thoughts. There's lots of nurses here who are very friendly and are giving me lots of support. I'm also on medication which they promise me is going to make me better. But to be honest I already feel heaps better in here so I am pleased about that.

I owe you all so much. My life really. I was about ready to give up on myself and life but I read your lovely replies and you gave me the strength and courage to do what's right. I called my doctor, she kept me safe and my dad was reported. I don't actually know what's happening with him now but hopefully I won't see him again now.

Thank you all so much :) For everything! 

I'll be back again soon, for now I'm just going to rest up and chill. 

Thank you again.

Xx

Well most of us who grow up being abused end up treating ourselves badly, because we've grown up being treated in that that bad way, that we learn to treat ourselves like that, but it's wrong to treat ourselves so poorly. 

Your dad seems to lack remorse, and treats everyone like garbage. And you know what, he's the selfish one, not you, because he does not care if you or anyone else is suffering, he'll cause the pain and suffering by violently attacking everyone. That's not normal. 

You've been told that you're worthless, ugly, and all this other negative stuff, when really it's him who is truly the worthless and ugly one in reality, and if you were to tell anyone outside your household about your story (like you are doing now) they'll agree and say he's the worthless and ugly one, not you, because any adult who attacks their own family has major problems, and that's not normal behavior. You've just been trying to cope and survive while living with him, but of course living in a metaphorical cage with an angry unpredictable wild animal does not leave you unscathed, and you end up going tp therapy and trying to take meds as if you're the one who has the issues, but he's the one who caused those issues.

If anyone should take their own life, it should have been him, and not your mom, and definitely not you. Because you know what abusers do? They put you down and harm you to the point that you want to end your own life, but you didn't do anything wrong, and you didn't try to attack anyone. I mean someone as bad as him still has his life, he's still alive and walking around destroying everything in his path can still live, then you can too. I mean if everyone who is nice just takes their own lives, they'll just be abusive and tyrannical people left on the earth, and screw that! No one wants to hang out with your dad or more people like him. 

If you can move out or go to a woman's centre, that'll be helpful. I mean if it's freedom that you want, then get away from your dad.

I'm very sorry you are going through such a tough time, but it’s good that you’ve posted here and let us know what’s happening/how you feel! Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay. The people in this community are very supportive so please do keep opening up and communiticating with us. Already I can see there are some kind responses and great adivce on seeking help.    

It’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide I would highly suggest calling your GP and make an urgent appointment. Be clear with them your situation so that your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support. 

If you need to speak to someone urgently and it’s outside your GP hours call  111  to reach the NHS 111 service: https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/ 

Another route for support are The Samaritans who also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org.  

The organisation MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.  

You can find more information on our website here: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/suicide 

If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support. 

Addtionally, you might find these links to do with domestic abuse useful: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/gender-violence/domestic-violence-and-abuse

It sounds like you are a victim of domestic violence or abuse, there are many different organisations which can give you help. You can find contact details for a range of organisations here: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/gender-violence/domestic-violence-and-abuse-getting-help 

Please do take this advice, there is more to life and you will find that you are important, you are wonderful and your are worthy of help and a full life! Don't give up!

Don't hesitate to reach out more to others on this community - you will find a lot of support and sage advice!

SarahMod

Get away, you are in a toxic environment and yes you could be autistic. 
Is there anyone who can give you a safe space? I’ve had thoughts in the past for not finding a reason to live. 
Get out and get help, I know it’s easier said than done. I am new to the site but you can always talk to me. I’ve only just realised that I am most probably autistic. You are crying out for help, it shows  that you want help. 
stay safe and get help.

Regards R.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  Please know that there is the potential for a better life for you, even though you can’t see it right now.  

I would urge you to speak to someone like the Samaritans, who will listen to you without any judgment and will be able to advise you on how to make your situation better.

And I agree with Guybrush - it sounds like you need to break away from your dad.

You’re so young, you have your whole life ahead of you but you absolutely need to get away from your Dad. I’ve heard previously suicidal people say that they didn’t actually want to die, they wanted the life/situation they had at the time to end. They made changes and managed to build a life they enjoy. Do you have any other family anywhere? Have you contacted any local domestic abuse charities or women’s refuges who might be able to help or give you somewhere to stay?