New to here, daughter recently diagnosed with ASD age 15

Hi linziloo, My son who has Autism managed to keep it together in school up till start of  3rd year then everything started unravelling, like you I was up and down collecting him more often than not until he felt he could no longer attend, he became withdrawn, anxious and developed a tic , it  a horrible heartbreaking situation to watch your child struggle and not be able to fix it for them, I know exactly how you are feeling, emotional rollercoaster, You don't say how supportive the school are being? 

My son's school was not helpful hence the reason I removed him altogether, in the end he was out of school for a year until I found a more suitable one with smaller classes, which did seem to help him a little. The first year was still difficult and he only managed to attend 3 days a week.

He is now in his final year and attends full time, he has group of friends and is preparing for his exams. It's not been a easy journey and is no way over but when I think of the boy I removed from school (Big decision) the one I was scared to leave alone, certainly caused lots of sleepless nights and tears. Now to see how much he has progressed and  overcome since then is amazing. 

At the end of the day education is extremely important but not when it interferes with their health, that's my opinion now anyway. After 12 years of fighting for a diagnosis for my son it took them until he became so withdrawn he could no longer attend school, with the proper support in place this  might of been prevented, hopefully your daughters school can offer her the support she needs, maybe part time timetable would help for now?

Hope this gives you a little faith for the future, the early teen years are a tough time for most, but being on the spectrum adds to this in a major way, she will get through it with your help and support

At first, I must admit I'd egg her on a bit trying to figure out why she was so angry, until I realized mostly she needed her space. Most of her outbursts were self corrected. She'd barricade herself in her room for 4-8 hours while she was in there she'd organize and clean it. When she'd come out, it was like nothing happened. She'd come and give me a hug and say I love you. We sometimes look back and laugh at some of the past, she gets this half smile on her face. Like when she refused to bathe for 2 weeks, so I had to pull her down the hall towards the bathroom trying to undress her (11 years old) while she screamed ***!! YOU'RE A ***!!! the entire time I was undressing and washing her and we lived in a neighborhood at the time, so you know they all heard it. So, maybe the hubs can try to understand she needs space to calm down.

Orlando said:

Hi illneverbeold

thank you for giving me some hope, I'm really hoping that when my daughter has got through her teen years things will even out. We are looking at colleges for her with support and so I'm hoping this will help, school have been absolutely useless I think she will be ready to go to college and this will help her become more independen. It must have been really tough as a single parent, although my husband works away a lot and when he is home they clash really badly. I think husband is struggling to come to terms with diagnosis too. I'm so glad for both you and your daughter are doing well. i find other parents really do not understand how threatened you feel when they are raging. I'm so glad I've come onto this site, thankyou x

Hi illneverbeold

thank you for giving me some hope, I'm really hoping that when my daughter has got through her teen years things will even out. We are looking at colleges for her with support and so I'm hoping this will help, school have been absolutely useless I think she will be ready to go to college and this will help her become more independen. It must have been really tough as a single parent, although my husband works away a lot and when he is home they clash really badly. I think husband is struggling to come to terms with diagnosis too. I'm so glad for both you and your daughter are doing well. i find other parents really do not understand how threatened you feel when they are raging. I'm so glad I've come onto this site, thankyou x

Hi Linziloo

yes sounds so familiar, my daughter started anxiety in year 9 it was awful got so bad she started hitting her head and face, struggled with friendships, school struggled, we struggled, went through GP referred to CAMHS waited for appointments, school refusal in end, she was being bullied no of friends understood her, she's been having home tuition since year 10 and now in year 11 she won't go near a school, waited 2 years for diagnosis, now she's embarrassed won't talk about it, really struggling she on waiting list to get help re diagnosis but told at least 5 months, she hardly goes anywhere trusts nobody. She rages more around her periods and struggles during this time, i try and keep her in a routine and she will do her studies but it's very difficult. She has smashed her room up and hit me a few times. Have to say though she has never been so loving she never used to cuddle before so there's good times aswell. Make sure you take time out spend some time with your daughter watching things she likes e.g. Films tv try and do things together I find my daughter needs to feel loved and enjoys our one to one time. I used to fight it before trying to force her to school but it was making it so hard for everyone when I found out she could have home tuition she stopped hitting her head and face, it's so difficult I hope I've helped a little xx

Hi Orlando, 

My 22 year old daughter has autism. I can tell you that during her teen years were quite a rollercoaster. One time she locked me out of the house and sat in her room screaming like someone was trying to kill her. I had to call the police to get back in. She had sever depression issues including cutting on herself. She had melt downs still where i had to hold onto her even if she was beating on me. She finally evened out, but it was a long road. As a single parent at the time, I had to send her to my broother's house for a year because I was afraid she was going to do something terrible to herself. She is now a responsible young woman and lives on her own.

hi Orlando , i'm new here too. my 13 yr old daughter is awaiting confirmation of ASD diagnosis after approx 15 months of investigation/assessment etc. She doesn't experience anger partcularly, more severe anxiety and meltdowns - especially around attending school. She is strugglng with school this week and it's hit and miss re whether she feels she can go, if she goes I am often called to collect her due to her distress. It's heartbreaking  to see her like this about school but there's no alternative, is this familiar to you?