Hi new to all this

Blues said:

I agree with you, especially the cats and dogs Bit. Square peg round hole. I've always strived to be someone, but Never achieved that which I want, to fit in with society. But I just don't. Throughout my life(I'm 41 now), I have been called strange, a rare one, completely odd, the usual narrow minded stuff. Now I may soon have an answer to why i do things the way I do them. Why I found school so very hard. Why I prefer retreating into my imagination to escape the world so frightening outside.

Maybe I am an eccentric so and so, or a recluse. But I'm also a person, with feelings. I just get so frustrated when other people cannot see things in the way I can. Like when I create a song, it's never as beautiful as it is in my mind, and I want others to experience that beauty. 

Wonderful!  Same here with all of that. 

Welcome to our world, Blues!  It's far more interesting than the NT one.

Gotta say, people on here have a way with words. Inspirational guys, love reading your posts

I agree with you, especially the cats and dogs Bit. Square peg round hole. I've always strived to be someone, but Never achieved that which I want, to fit in with society. But I just don't. Throughout my life(I'm 41 now), I have been called strange, a rare one, completely odd, the usual narrow minded stuff. Now I may soon have an answer to why i do things the way I do them. Why I found school so very hard. Why I prefer retreating into my imagination to escape the world so frightening outside.

Maybe I am an eccentric so and so, or a recluse. But I'm also a person, with feelings. I just get so frustrated when other people cannot see things in the way I can. Like when I create a song, it's never as beautiful as it is in my mind, and I want others to experience that beauty. 

Hi Martian Tom

i love that example, about cats and dogs, it's a good one

thanks

The thing about autistic people is that they 'do their own thing' and generally prefer a larger amount of solitude than many other people and for this reason are often thought of as anti-social or 'odd' and this is a stigma that seems to dog them so much.

I think there is so much ignorance among the general population about autism (as is the case with many other conditions) that usually, the average person isn't equipped to deal with someone on the AS. It's all a question of awareness and if you think about things like female equality or the rights of gays, etc., which have gained a tremendous amount of exposure over recent years, autism is one of the poor relations and needs a lot more public exposure than is presently the case. How, I'm not sure, but somehow it needs to become 'fashionable' to talk about it more. Perhaps if one of the royals were born autistic it would spark more of a public debate! 

Blues said:

I've always struggled in life, just trying to fit in and failing. I am a failure.

Hi Blues,

You're not a failure.

You're not neurotypical, which puts you in a minority (1 in 100 people is reckoned to be autistic), so you're bound to see 'deficits' if you're measuring yourself against all those others.  And society is designed and built around all those others.  It's no surprise, then, that we find ourselves to be a poor fit.  That doesn't mean we're failures, though.  You could look at it in another way and say we've been failed by that society.  I often quote the analogy that I'm like a cat in a room full of dogs.  I don't want to feel excluded, so I try hard to behave like a dog - I run after sticks occassionally, I demand constant attention - but it isn't really in my nature, because I'm a cat.  Meanwhile, all of those dogs are looking at me and not seeing a cat at all.  They're seeing a miserable failure of a dog!  So they exclude me even more.  I should just stick to being a cat.

Before I got my diagnosis, I used to think of myself as a failure in many respects - even though I've achieved things.  Now, I see myself differently.  I have a condition that has possibly limited me in terms of opportunities.  But it's also made me into a person who feels comfortable being outside the run of the usual societal expectations.  As I said, I look around at the things that preoccupy people - fashion, status, the need to 'keep in' by maintaining a common ground - and I'm glad none of it bothers me.

'Success', in my view, very much depends on context. In our society, it's measured by (again, in my view) essentially superficial things such as career attainment, money, possessions, fame, power, influence, etc.  So, are all people who don't achieve these things unsuccessful?  A middle-aged man working as a checkout operator, for instance, might be judged a 'failure' in some eyes - whereas he might be very good at his job.  He might be where he is for any number of reasons.  Perhaps he simply enjoys what he does - meeting people, having a chat and a laugh, being comfortable in work he can excel at.  Perhaps he doesn't have ambitions for anything else (nothing tells us we have to). Perhaps the education system wasn't suitable to any special needs he might have.  He might, too, go home to rewarding pastimes such as painting, writing, model-making, computer games designing, guitar-playing, etc.  He might be very good at these things.

We're all individuals.  We all have things we're good at, qualities we can offer, skills we can use.

In that sense, we can all be 'successful' - even if it's just on our own terms.

Hello Tom, and well said. I wish neurotypical people could see things the way i do. Be in my head for a day. I am glade you got your diagnosis, and hope it has gave you some closure.

Hi Tabatha, Morgana and Blues,

I was finally diagnosed last year, at the age of 56.  It's helped me to make sense of my life at last - why I can't make friends, succeed in relationships, understand non-verbal communication, etc.

It hasn't all been positive, of course, because I often wonder how different my life might have been if I'd been diagnosed as a child.  But there it is.  I wouldn't change it now.  I've lived with it for too long!  I like being an 'outsider', in that sense.  When I see some of the things that seem to preoccupy other people, I'm glad to be me.

If you're all pressing ahead with trying to get a diagnosis, I wish you well.  Go for it!

Tom

Hi both of you.

I agree with you. I've always struggled in life, just trying to fit in and failing. I am a failure. But if I have ASD as suspected, maybe I won't be so hard on myself.

Hello!

I am also new to this! It's a relief to find out about one's issues having a name, isn't it?