Reasonable Doubt?

I have read what you have said and I have took it in alot better this time round if you seen my first comments and I am getting what you're saying now, and you are right, everything nail on the head again haha I can get lost when I type appologies for anything that has possibly caused any kind of offense

You don't help yourself if you keep comparing yourself to 'wrong' diagnoses. I get sick and tired of people intorducing these micro-names for different aspects of AS - dis this, dis that, this test, that test - none of them have any real meaning and none of them help, they just add to the mud in the water.

This isn't criticising you, by the way, far from it, I'm trying to say how frustrating it is to see people micro-disecting AS, and the effect it has on others. Remember, we belive whatever we're told, and this sort of stuff is often introduced by people with little understanding, and no NHS diagnosis.

Social anxiety disorder? Anxiety is core, social or otherwise, it needs no identifiable source.

Dysgraphia? A bit more involved, but I see educational standards as an equal possible explanation.

Misdiagnoses? I think most of us have had those, and the terrible harm that goes with them. Micro-names, what use?

Dumbing down. I've always felt I've had to do that due to having to deal with the dull creatures that are the average NTs around me. A concept that takes me three seconds seems to be beyond their capacity to grasp, it's no use using one word where they prefer to use three hundred and keep repeating them like they're trying to learn what they mean. Talking about Eastenders when I'm considering the global effects of bauxite extraction...

Your fear of not geting a diagnosis is easy to explain. Having anxiety attacks, sudden ones or just growing anxieties, is common and normal for us. There doesnt't HAVE to be an identifiable reason, in fact quite often the most you can say is 'I fear something huge and nasty coming, but I don't know where from'. It's fear itself, it gives us anxieties, it's just that sometimes there's a subject matter (in your case, about your diagnosis) and you think that that's it. Generaly, our life experience is that 'something' bad will happen, because it will - our condition seems to attract them, but the biggest fear is, of course, fear of the unknown, it's part of the condition. Hope I've explained that well enough?

Fear of looking daft? No need to be hard on yourself on here. You look anything but, to me, my friend. You look like a courageous person who is trying to make sense of who you are, and I respect the effort it is taking for you to get past your 'mental blocks' and say these things anyway. Good for you. I learned a maxim once, as an ab initio pilot. There are no stupid questions, but there are dead pilots who thought there were, so didn't ask. Consider.

Keep this up, and every landing you walk away from will be a good one.

Thanks for the replys I feel welcomed into this community more so than any other, I felt that being self aware was going to be a big problem in these tests feeling that I would be "Too Honest" about things and give the person at the other end the idea that I have something to gain out of this (other than just because I want to know that there is a name for whatever is wrong with me lol) cause I appear relatively "normal" (I use that word with the biggest emphasis possible)... when you feel that you have been misdiagnosed your whole life (I have reason to believe this because dysgraphia does not fit in to the social issues I have expierienced, but would definitely be an easy mistake on who ever did diagnose me in the first place) I just have a very big fear that I am not going to be diagnosed with anything and I am going to be left to struggle looking for work again (i've had atleast 9 jobs) but nothing is for me... everything leaves me sooo drained beyond normal levels and it is very hard to stress because people simple just tell you to "ride it out"... its like you have just spent time building a 10000 piece lego structure and someone intentionally kicking it over... your just peeved off beyond belief lol bit of a rant there but my point is I don't think I have should have to feel like I need to dumb myself down to prove I need help do you guys know what I mean?

I am so very confused haha if I am expieriencing difficulties with tasks at work I feel that people even with a social anxiety disorder would do fine on is this where is sort of gets ruled out? I am happy to go through any sort of therapy to help with the social anxiety problem (even though im sure it wont help) but I see this as the least of my worries at this point my biggest worry is finding a job that includes alot of repetition and room for error I can deal with anxiety do you guys actually feel what I am saying here? I dunno this turned into me editing my comment more than once lol this is such a good release these are the problems I have never even thought about asking anyone at fear of looking daft or people misinterpret me as being lazy (which I am to be honest lol) but I do have real struggles with things people find easy and it is just soo annoying maths is one of my hates funnily enough but if I had the right answer you can bet nobody else had that working out on there whiteboard lol

Welcome, DivinitySanctum,

From my own experience of being diagnosed only a few weeks ago, I'd just like to reassure you that having coping tactics that "hide" any AS traits in daily life should not affect your chances of an accurate diagnosis.

I spent 45 years of my life not knowing I was autistic, and I've mostly been able act the role of a non-autistic person well enough that many of my friends still have a hard time believing the diagnosis!  However, the psychological tests and interviews etc. used in the diagnostic process for adults are designed to "see through" any habitual coping tactics that you might have (even ones that you maybe don't realise yourself - I learned that my habit of watching peoples mouth move fools them into thinking that I'm making eye-contact much of the time!)

As classic codger pointed out, you also appear to have very good self-awareness of the traits that make you feel different to the people around you - and that too will make the job of the person assessing you much simpler.  A great deal of the testing process involves giving the assessor an insight into what goes on inside your head, rather than how you appear on the outside.

If you can just be as clear about your traits during your assessment as you have been in your posts here, the person assessing you should easily have all the information that they need to do their job.  Keeping those notes about your day to day experiences is also a great idea - take those to your assessment to use as prompts in case any of the questions you are asked stump you for words.

However it turns out, the process should still give you a great deal of insight into yourself and how you relate to the world - and whatever you learn, it can only put you in a much better position to move forward in life.

Best wishes,

Trog.

lmfao - I know that one! get it down now 'cos in ten minutes, it'll be something else instead!

It can be a bit funny when you get those sudden insights, they can be a bit blinding I think. I like that description, 'tunnel of knowledge' yes, that pretty much does it for me. I'll be using that. Nice one.

It'll get better and better, just ride the wave and let it happen.

After reading and stressing day in day out, re reading this post I finally understand (too a degree haha!) thanks mate i couldnt of got my actual thoughts on this in words haha you clearly know what your talking about...

Respect

Had to do this a tunnel of knowledge on how to describe these difficulties come over me whilst i was making a cup of tea i ran up here to get them onto paper lmao

From the GP referal to my diagnosis was a little over 18 months.

one last question mate you being older than 18 how long did it take for them to reach a conclusion on you?

No need to put it into words, I can hear you from here.

I cried the happiest tears of my life when I discovered my community and was welcomed in, this was the first website I came to after getting my diagnosis, and I'm still finding out who I am. It's a tough journey, but we've got a great set of travelling companions on here, I think.

this has made me feel alot better about my self in general honestly I just cant put into words

It does mate thank you so much that means alot to get an answer and show that you actually understand, I have learned how to act "normal" but still constantly slip up this is a brilliant community carry on what you are doing (Y) 

Everything you've listed fits in with AS, although doesn't necessarily add up to AS. This isn't me dismissing your thoughts, this is me pointing out that we can't diagnose you on here. All we can do is discuss things you want to, support and help you along as best we can, advise and offer you guidance where we can.

You say something that's very important - you already have the support of your GP. That's fabulous, some people struggle to even raise the subject, so you've already got over the most difficult to do part of the process.

I'm not sure that a positive diagnosis will 'justify' your 'weirdness', with any luck it will explain it to others, maybe, but I can promise you that if your diagnosis is positive, you'll first see yourself, and then everything else, in a brand new way. I don't mean to be rude by refering to your age, but I think that you show remarkable insight for it. I have no doubt in your self-assessment, but again must point out that this is an unqualified, personal opinion.

NTs really can't understand AS, and you are better off not trying to talk about it with them. They'll missinterpret, missunderstand, be derogatory towards you, and generally be difficult about it, many of us find, because there is very little public understanding of the Condition and what being on the spectrum really means from our point of view. It can be quite distressing sometimes, just trying to get someone to even listen to you properly..

If you have AS, your assessor isn't going to disagree. If your assessor doesn't agree, they should also offer an alternative opinion. You can always ask for a second opinion too.

And you're absolutely right - just finding out that it isn't just you, that you are not alone, is a huge relief. It lifts some weight off you, doesn't it?

Thanks for the reply mate, (sorry if i am going on) looking at that I honestly can't believe people expierience the same, even subtle things that I do and it is a relief knowing that I am not alone in this. I have no doubt in my mind that I will be diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder I want this diagnosis almost as a justification for my wierdness, are all of these things symptoms or am i over thinking??

I am often told I am rude when I am just being honest

I am told I am "agressive" but when something isnt fair

i will speak up for myself

people seem to have agendas that i dont understand

when people show "warm" emotions towards me I have

very large difficulty knowing how to comfort them

when learning tasks it often takes lots and lots

of repitition however once i master something 

I am usually good at it

Hi. Please see my latest post on the thread 'appointment with my local Mental Health Team.