ADVICE My 3 and half year old son

Hi, my son is nearly 4 and we got a diagnosis for him at age of 2. He has severe autism and is completely non verbal no hand gestures or any communication. He has melt downs when we touch his feet and when it comes to hair cut it is an absolute nightmare the last time the barbers were yelling at him to sit still. I ended up walking out in tears.... hopino to find a more understanding one. He has got his EHCP and is in process of getting into a special needs school as he is so severe a mainstream wouldn't work for him. He is still in a pre school as they couldn't do the transition to nursery so I said keep him where he is. I just wanted to say that even if u get a diagnosis it is still no easier yes professionals get involved and understand but no one else does. I get looks outside the pre school as he runs back and forwards and high pitch screeches really loud! Also can throw himself on the floor if something kicks him off. Just wanted to share my experience really. Hope u all get a diagnosis soon x 

My god it's such a relief to talk to someone who understands and has the same feelings. 

We we are in the process of getting our son assessed as everyone is a bit baffled by him. He's just started mainstream school, which we fought for 6 months to keep him back a year as he was so far behind his peers and is a summer baby. Sadly, we were forced into sending him and he also didn't get into the school his brother goes to and where all the people he knows and feel comfortable go. He's now at a school where he knows no one and is not good with change at the best of times and this has just completely thrown him. He like your son, keeps coming home saying he's played with all his friends from his old preschool. 

I I think you should carry on doing what your doing with the haircuts. It certainly took a while, but my son soon got use to it. Have you tried having a hairdresser come to your house? We did this with our son and he sat as still as anything and now lives her coming round. Perhaps he feela safer in his own home and more relaxed away from the strange smells and noises of a barbers. 

Im exactly like you, I don't know what to say to people when he's having a fit on the floor or has a tantrum out. People will often stare at me and tut And because his speech is so bad I've even had kids and mums come up to me asking what's wrong with him. My fear as that he will pick up on these vibes and know he's different and feel bad about it. All my family members often say I'm making something of nothing and "your sister didn't speak until ahe was 3" and so and so said he will grow out of it. I get sick of it as I know deep down there is something, just not sure what. It's a mothers instinct and I am a firm believer of going with your gut on these things. It's very lonely at times as friends and family don't really understand. I can literally say that it consumes me thinking of all the possibilities. I like you would just love to know what is wrong so I can give him the best care and help he needs xx

Hi sorry it has taken so long to reply

I'm in the process of having him accessed. But once he saw someone they send referal to loads of other people and said they would see him again in 6months. It's frustrating because I know for a fact they won't remember him and they will only know about him from reading..  And to be honest people seeing him once won't help get any kind of answers. 

I oped to cut my kids hair myself as going to the hairdressers was just way too much for him. It still is when I do it but I tell him if he wants to get upset while I'm doing it he can let it all out as I don't want him to feel he has to hold back his feeling. I want so badly to understand him but it's just so hard to with no support 

I know this sounds really horrible of me and like I'm a bad mum.. But people always say to me like 'don't worry he will be having conversation with you and telling you all about his day at nursery soon' and all I can think in my head is what if he never can, what if this is as much as he will ever be able to get across. 

I Was so excited picking him up from nursery the other day.. He said 'mummy say hi Daniel' but we had already left. So the next day I asked if Daniel was his friend (I was so excited for him to be playing with someone his age) and the nursery told me they have no Daniel in the class. They told me he stays away from the other kids. Only allowing them to stand next to him and if they try and play with him he acts as if there not there. 

I'm in a bad situation right now as he is in nursery 15hours a week (3days) and struggling to get him to understand he goes in Monday Tuesday morning and then Thursday afternoon.. I would love to send him everyday as I can see it is benefiting him big time (he's now able to draw shapes and before it was just lines) he's picking up on things like chefs in kitchens cook. But I just can't afford to send him in anymore days and all the school nursery's by me are completely full 

At the moment because there is no diagnosis I don't know how to explain my son. I don't know if I should tell people or just leave it to saying nothing. As some of the staff at his nursery don't seem to understand.. Even said 'well he's doing amazing considering he's only nearly 3 he's well above some of the things he should be doing..' Saying to them no he's almost 4 made the lady say oh well he has a lot to do before he will start real school next year has made me feel like I don't know what the future holds

I'm waiting for someone from something can sen to come and visit to find out if main stream school is a possibility and if it is getting everyone together to help him get there 

Hi Pixzels, 

I really feel your pain as my son has just turned 4 and we are really struggling with him and looking at getting him assessed for autism. 

Like your child, our son would and still does not let us wash his hair. He use not to like having his hair cut too and can't remember how many times we have been thrown out of barbers because he use to have such melt downs. It is only within the last couple of months that he's allowed me to trim a few bits of hair! I'm hoping that if I do little bits every now and again he will slowly get use to it. 

As as for the balance issue, my son is the same. He walks and runs in a very baby like manner and is very clumsy and is always tripping over his feet. Our son has delayed motor skills which thought this might be affecting balance. He also had glue ear when he was younger which again we thought might have contributed to his imbalance. Turns out that we have now discovered he has lower muscle tone and low strength in his core muscles. His ped said this is why he is clumsy and has no balance as he hasn't got the strength yet. As for why he has low muscle tone, we still don't know and are in the process of having a lot of tests done. 

we have decided to get our son privately assessed for autism as, like you, the professionals we see are not very helpful and often adopt a watch and wait approach. Talk to your GP to see if you can get him assessed by someone, or simply get a second option. I hope this helps and shows that you're not alone. I understand how stressful and helpless the situation can make anyone feel. Sometimes it's like banging your head against a brick wall!! X