• Replies 5 replies
  • Subscribers 76 subscribers
  • Views 88 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

New but late diagnosis at 44 - Life turned upside down

Flower1234

Hello

I have recently been diagnosed with ASD at the age of 44, I am hoping to find people with similar experiences and hopefully get some advice with how to cope with this diagnosis.  I have no friends to talk to, social situations have always been a massive fear for me, no family that understand and my partner left me and moved out yesterday. 

I am struggling to see the point in carrying on, but I have to for my 2 children and dog.

I wish life didn't have to be so hard, I'd just like to feel more positive but am struggling to see a way through all of this.

Any advice to make this a little less miserable of an existence please?

  • Hello. This seems cruel timing. Just when you would like some support.

    If there is a positive you have time to yourself to think, to find who you are. You can focus on yourself without people pleasing, confusion and pressure.

    The struggle to carry on is one I have been struggling with at times (my emotions come and go). The root cause is disappointment that all the effort didn't lead to the outcome you wanted, that even now you know why things are hard you still have the same life.

    This is not helpful framing though. You coped managed and made it this far, without knowing. You probably have more than you think.

    Being able to look forwards, to see hope, to make things better, requires calm. Different modes affect thinking. Stress narrows your view, tiredness amplifies emotions. A positive outlook needs a calm nervous system. It will take time and there will be ups and downs.

    Try to be kind to yourself and remember you matter. You matter very much to at least the children and dog. You are still special. Nobody controls what is in your head but you. Try to make things as simple as possible, do hard things on the morning, not afternoon or evening. You have more energy then. Try not to do too many things at one time, don't save them all up, it gets overwhelming.

    Try to find a little something that is just yours. Journalling helps too. You can write what you really think. Putting thoughts into words organises them. You may also see your views change depending on how you feel. This confirms that perspective is not fixed. Try to record any little successes. The mind is designed to focus on negatives and forgets or downplays positives. Seeing them written down will help.

  • Hi fellow 'Lateling'

    That is exactly how I felt when I was diagnosed 3 years ago. I was in my fifties so can totally empathise. It turned my life upside down and inside out for both good and for the worse.

    I now had the knowledge of why so many things in my life had gone wrong or certainly not as I hoped. Knowledge is power or so they say.

    All I can tell you is that you will go through several stage during your adjustment to your diagnosis. I felt grief, at the lost opportunities, closely followed by anger about my past. Only when I had came through these (I do still loop back at times) did I start to realise I was never broken by autism but by an unforgiving neurotypical world that either did not or could not understand me completely.

    I will say this to you to be kind to yourself as it is not your fault. If you can do that then you are on the right path.

  • If you’re looking for someone in a similar boat, there is Abrupt Ending of 15-Year Marriage. The OP is ADHD, I think, but is struggling with the sudden dismissal from her ASD husband. Not quite the same scenario, but maybe the folk that have posted in that thread can offer some empathy and advice for your situation?

    I’ve dealt with suicidal ideation, especially during times of great upheaval, but each time I get through the tough times of change I’m glad I didn’t pull through with the ideation.

  • Hi Flower1234


    Im so sad to read how badly things are going for you. I can only say that having experienced similar situations and extremely traumatic periods in my life my autism diagnosis has been the start of growth to a happier me. I can honestly say that now, four years on I feel privileged to be alive, to have the life I have, for my cats and home and hope for the future 

    best wishes 

    Alice

  • Hi Flower1234, 


    I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way.

    The National Autistic Society does not currently operate a crisis or emergency service. If you’re finding it hard to cope or have thoughts of harming yourself, please seek help. If you feel you [or anyone else] is at risk of immediate harm, dial 999 or contact one of the mental health crisis lines listed on our Urgent Help Page: https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/urgent-help.  

    If it’s not an emergency but you’re still struggling, speaking to a health professional can help. If your GP is closed, you can call 111 for NHS support. In England, Wales and Scotland, you can now choose option 2 to speak directly with mental health professionals: https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/.  

    Other free, confidential support includes: 

    • Samaritans – Call 116 123, 24 hours a day 
    • SANEline – 0300 304 7000 (4.30-10.30pm daily)  
    • Shout – Text 85258, 24 hours a day 
    • Mind Infoline – 0300 123 3393 (Mon–Fri, 9am-6pm)  

    You may also find it helpful to view our webpage How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis.

    Take care,

    Suzanne Mod