New but late diagnosis at 44 - Life turned upside down

You’re not alone - this community on here is a very good place to come to find solidarity and understanding. One of the problems with being autistic is that it often leaves us feeling isolated and alone because we struggle to make friends etc. 

Im sorry that your relationship has ended - that’s incredibly hard - no wonder you are feeling awful at the moment. For the moment I would focus on self care and healing from that - because that’s a lot to process. Take your time with that, be kind to yourself. What do you enjoy doing? 

I’ve had many many times in my life when I felt hopeless and saw no point in continuing the struggle. I now use mindfulness to help me to deal with really difficult days. For me walking out in nature is great when I’m feeling overwhelmed- I focus on what’s around me - the sensory experience of feeling the breeze, listening to the sounds, looking at the sky, the warmth of the sun on my face.  And also trying to cultivate joy in my life - listening to music, doing things I enjoy like drawing or sewing. Sometimes the little things can really help to bring joy back into your life on a daily basis. 
I learnt Mindfulness through Thich Nhat Hanh’s Buddhist teachings - but there are lots of different places where you can access these kinds of strategies. It seems like a small thing but I find it really helps. Getting out and being around people also helps I find - even if it’s just popping to a nearby town and having a look around. It helps us to ‘get out of our own heads’ and stop the ruminating. 

You’re not alone - this community on here is a very good place to come to find solidarity and understanding. One of the problems with being autistic is that it often leaves us feeling isolated and alone because we struggle to make friends etc. 

Im sorry that your relationship has ended - that’s incredibly hard - no wonder you are feeling awful at the moment. For the moment I would focus on self care and healing from that - because that’s a lot to process. Take your time with that, be kind to yourself. What do you enjoy doing? 

I’ve had many many times in my life when I felt hopeless and saw no point in continuing the struggle. I now use mindfulness to help me to deal with really difficult days. For me walking out in nature is great when I’m feeling overwhelmed- I focus on what’s around me - the sensory experience of feeling the breeze, listening to the sounds, looking at the sky, the warmth of the sun on my face.  And also trying to cultivate joy in my life - listening to music, doing things I enjoy like drawing or sewing. Sometimes the little things can really help to bring joy back into your life on a daily basis. 
I learnt Mindfulness through Thich Nhat Hanh’s Buddhist teachings - but there are lots of different places where you can access these kinds of strategies. It seems like a small thing but I find it really helps. Getting out and being around people also helps I find - even if it’s just popping to a nearby town and having a look around. It helps us to ‘get out of our own heads’ and stop the ruminating. 

Yes I really do feel isolated. It has been very helpful to get such good advice from everyone here, its been enlightening. 

The ending of the relationship is so complicated,  we both still love each other and want to be together always. I feel so responsible because of my lack of recognition of his feelings and miscommunication, it has caused a lot of hurt for him which I never ever intended. We have always had issues and he struggles to regulate his emtions too. He isnt always very good at talking about things without things escalating and him getting frustrated with me as i struggle to think of a response immediately which he takes as me not caring.

I have a fear of confrontation/arguing, not sure if this fear is an autism trait?

His dad is undiagnosed but believes he is autistic and his younger brother is diagnosed adhd and autistic so it makes me wonder if he has one or the other or both. It's just so hard when we both still love each other so much, he has talked about us taking some time apart now he has moved out and then trying again in a few months once we have both worked on our own issues. I'm just finding it so painful to not be with him when he says he still loves me and wants to be with me, we have always been inseparable, spending almost all of our time together and never getting bored of each other so this separation is extremely painful especially with my recent diagnosis and existing issues of anxiety and being in untreated perimenopause for the last 5 years.

I usually enjoy looking after my houseplants, I have around 150. I am struggling to even keep them watered these last few months.

This is also not the first time I have felt like I cannot carry on, there have been quite a few times in the last five years where I've wished I wouldnt wake up in the morning. I will look into mindfulness further as it has been mentioned to me before, I do like going for walks in nature which I usually force myself to do everyday after I've dropped my son at school.  He has been off sick all week so I can't get out which cant be helping. I don't even want to go out to the bin at the moment, I usually love my garden and gardening as well but seem to have lost interest in pretty much everything, it all just feels pointless. 

I'm just trying to get through each day at the moment, the days seem so long though. 

Thank you for your reply.