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New but late diagnosis at 44 - Life turned upside down

Flower1234

Hello

I have recently been diagnosed with ASD at the age of 44, I am hoping to find people with similar experiences and hopefully get some advice with how to cope with this diagnosis.  I have no friends to talk to, social situations have always been a massive fear for me, no family that understand and my partner left me and moved out yesterday. 

I am struggling to see the point in carrying on, but I have to for my 2 children and dog.

I wish life didn't have to be so hard, I'd just like to feel more positive but am struggling to see a way through all of this.

Any advice to make this a little less miserable of an existence please?

Parents

  • When i got my diagnosis there was a bit of "alchemy" that seemed to take place.

    Somehow one might be tempted to think that some sort of magical and miraculous transformation could be around the corner.

    Truth is it's the shifts in perspective and attitude that bring clarity.

    truthfully for me the clarity I got was of a whole load of poo to start with -as I analysed my situation and past events (the negative ones carry more weight to start with i found)

    having been in a bit of a slough of despondency that took months to get out of and been pushed back in by a few "bad faith actors" I maybe have a bit of an insight into how you feel

    maybe the thing is when we get older we are able to maybe learn the lessons of our youth

    and then whether we play and have a happy time or wail away life fearing it eventually becomes a bit more of a choice one can make

    I was feeling a bit poo earlier on - sorry for myself and other autistic people who maybe get a tough time in society.

    I walked the dogs and felt the sun on my back and cracked a couple of jokes (trying not to do so in a cruel way that can come from being down about things) and I'm writing this to you feeling pretty OK

    It gets better for me.  So on my evidence it can get better for you too  

    Best wishes

  • in reply to Phased

    Thank you, I hope it can get better too.

    I had never considered Autism until my doctor suggested it in February, it has been a massive shock, I got assessed and diagnosed less than a month ago and still feel the imposter syndrome deeply.

    I think i have lived life fearing it so far, multiple failed relationships that have broken me and swearing to stay single forever after the last explosive relationship but getting into this most recent relationship as we were best friends before any romance so I thought I'd finally found the one.

    I am going to try being kind to myself, it is something I have failed at miserably all of my life, but I need to find a way somehow.

  • in reply to Flower1234

    please may I offer a typically pedantic suggestion  ?

    maybe try removing the words "try to" in your kind answer to me - maybe "I am going to be kind to myself" instead? now being realistic this doesn't mean a complete and utter transformation to doing it all the time - but it does leave the semantic door ajar.  You deserve it from yourself.

    My very best wishes :-)

    Phased

  • in reply to Phased

    I like a pedantic suggestion Slight smile

    That sounds like a much more positive way of thinking/saying things. I will be kinder to myself from now on, thank you Slight smile

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