New but late diagnosis at 44 - Life turned upside down

I’m 46 I was diagnosed last year, I would say nothing has changed about who you are, but it can seem harder to feel calm enough to make sense of things. It all comes around, people who make life hard for others the weight comes back onto them. Learn to enjoy small things again

I know I am the same person, I have the same likes and dislikes and the same desire to be kind and a nice person. I am definitely far from calm at the moment  I think I need to try and slow everything down and try to stop panicking, which sounds easy in my head, but it isn't at all.

I know I am the same person, I have the same likes and dislikes and the same desire to be kind and a nice person. I am definitely far from calm at the moment  I think I need to try and slow everything down and try to stop panicking, which sounds easy in my head, but it isn't at all.

Everything I feel I must do is big and scary, like getting a job and trying to get through my partner leaving. Its hard to break these things down ️

I have given myself a break about house cleaning and have just done one thing at a time like empty the bin and then sat down for a bit. 

I do have a notepad I keep close by to write things on that I want/need to do.

I have to say that I used to hate standing around the school gates with the ‘other mums’ waiting for my children to come out of school. I was so relieved when I didn’t have to do that anymore! 

If you have something you really must do then write it down. In the past I wrote it on the back of my hand. If I don't want to do something I will keep finding other things and distracting myself. I know I will do this. So doing it in the morning so there is less time pressure makes it easy. I don't set a time, just that it needs to done in the morning.

For most things though, if you put them off for a day or a week or a month it doesn't really matter. So you can afford to do them on good days, and put them off on bad days. But don't feel guilty.  It is only a problem if it starts really causing issues.

You may find that with the pressure gone you can actually do them more easily.

Try not to leave things to the last moment though. It put pressure on, then if one little things guess wrong it can be paralysing and you get stuck.

Really it is about playing games with yourself to get stuff done when you have capacity. The more stuff you are worrying about the harder it is do things. Likewise, the more uncertainty there is the harder it is to do anything. So take away the pressure and break things down into smaller pieces than are less uncertain.

I do have my dad and his partner who are trying to understand and help, that has helped a lot today along with the advice here. Ive never had lots of friends and can definitely agree with how vicious people can be, the mums on the school playground are the worst for me. I definitely need structure and routine, it stresses me massively when things change so routine and knowing what's happening is a must.

This makes so much sense, I have always been my own biggest critic, putting myself down countless times a day when I forget to do something and it obviously adds up like you say. I don't think I realised that it is pressuring myself but it makes sense, thank you. Today reading all of these comments has been so enlightening, so many more things are beginning to make sense. I am so grateful for yours and everyone else's advice.

Slowing down is part of not pressuring yourself. A lot of the pressure is self-imposed. Trying to get some control may help with the panic.

Don't make big lists. More than 7 or so things and you won't do them. Try to do one thing at a time. Break it into smaller pieces. Don't set a time limit. Just start the first little thing when you feel calm. Don't overthink it first.

Record your little wins. Try to focus on the important things first. Don't do too many in one go, even if you want to, you will struggle the next day. Try to limit it and spread things out. It will work better.

I think it’s necessary to make space but also have some structure and a support network around you. I’m frequently reminded of how vicious people can be so only keep small circles of close ones around, imo