Late diagnosed woman

NAS90798 said:

This has led to feelings of shame around who I actually am, which in turn makes the masking even more exhausting as I’m in a constant negative feedback loop that I will only be accepted as long as I present as neurotypical.

If you can afford it, I heartily recommend getting a therapist who has experience of dealing with autistic adults and work through your issues with them.

Your path is one that many of us had trodden in various ways so the experiences and feelings are much more common than many of us realise. You are not alone in this and you will find many like minded people here to talk with.

I believe a key to finding some peace it to accept who you really are - embrace the autism (you don't have to broadcast it) and understand yourself. With experience you can become confident to stand up for what you need and want then advocate for yourself to live in ways that make you feel well.

We are never going to be like the 95% of neurotypicals around us so don't waste too much energy on doing so. Your therapist will be able to help you through a lot of this.

There can be a lot of positivity with practice. Start with understanding autism and how you are affected by it then you can start to find ways to take the edges off the painful stuff, make more space for you to do what makes you feel good and build on your confidence - these are the steps to the other side of this dark place.

Welcome to the group.

I feel like you and I are “suffering” through the same type of stuff that I only became conscious of a year ago and that is “normal standards” as I would call it. Meaning your standards in everything in life is based off of people without any diagnosis since that was what you probably thought yourself to me until you got your diagnosis. I myself am everyday chanting in my head about this and always try to catch myself when I compare myself with someone like my sister that is what I call “normal”. 

To change something that’s so deep in your core is unfortunately going to take a lot of time and my first real step in the right direction is coming to this site to pick up information from autistic people for my new and improved standards. I feel that sometimes sharing your negative experiences can be quite reliving especially when it’s anonymous. Since nobody is going to know who you are anyway why not just dump it all out and be done with it ehe. You might just get some good advice in return ehe. 

I only know of this technique of telling yourself everyday by testing it and seeing results, I did just that with my self confidence of my body and have come to love it by complementing myself in the mirror all the time which made me believe it completely and is rarely affected when/if someone comments on my body. 

Alan Watts was my way into the Tao......in my opinion, it is wholly worthy of exploration.

It gets easier, observe and take notes and you will see patterns. Here you will find support! your in the right place at the fright time! You took the  first step and told some people who understand. My childhood and early adulthood was also very lonely. The single most important thing that helped me was Reichian therapy, but that is not longer offered in most places. the second, which is, is the "Tao Te Ching". I read it over and over and over, still to this day it is fresh and inspiring. also "Journey to Ixtlan" which gave me to understand consciousness as always expanding.

Hello 90798, I am Number.

You sound measured, reasonable, self aware....and young!

Imagine being you....but 20+ years from now....and only THEN realising what you describe with such clarity and resonance above!  That's me mate (although i am a bloke...I most closely fit the profile of a late diagnosed female...ie highly "effective and flexible" masking capabilities.

Rest assured, you are DEFINITELY not alone....but perhaps you haven't previously  met the rest of us like you.  We're here = well done for seeking us out.

I hope to find you elsewhere in  these pages soon.

Welcome.

Kind regards 

Number.

Thank you for sharing your experience, I really relate to everything you mentioned. It is very shocking looking back on how unfairly we can be treated and in my personal experience, just how naive I was for such a long time. I agree with the being a woman statement though, I often wonder if earlier diagnosis would’ve changed things, but I’m not entirely sure it would’ve either. I’m currently in a burnout myself, so I really empathise with you right now, I know how tough it can be! I would love to have a chat, please feel free to message me, I’m unsure still how to use this site, but I’m more than happy to chat :) 

I understand your frustrations, I am 50 and was diagnosed only 6 months ago, I am still on the rollercoaster of relief and horror at the fact I have spent my life in a world that doesn't understand me. I keep going back over all the events in my life with my new ASD goggles on and I am quite honestly distraught at how hard life has been. I often think 'What if I had known earlier' but then I think as a woman it wouldn't have made much difference. 

I have had some rough times lately with what I believe is Autistic burnout, my life revolves around typical's and as you say, it's exhausting trying to work through the unwritten rules, many of which they don't even know themselves.

Happy to chat, I could do with it myself as I struggle to share with family.