Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I'm new here and this is my first time reaching out on any kind of social forum. I was recently diagnosed with autism, I have struggled a lot my whole life with social interactions and due to so many misunderstandings and trauma I have spent a long time believing there is something wrong with me/that I'm a bad person (because no matter how hard I would try I would still upset or annoy people without understanding or realising).I was previously diagnosed with bipolar but recently it has been concluded that it was always autism and ADHD, which due to not being picked up on led to many problems that then caused the psychosis like secondary issues.I've lived more than 10 years now in isolation, and live alone. I don't go outside and I am afraid to be seen by others or interact with them so I only see doctors and such for my many health issues. I rely on pets and online interactions to deal with the loneliness, but found that online gaming communities are very toxic and I couldn't cope in them anymore.I have really severe anxiety, so have never been able to reach out in any communities before now. I hope I haven't overshared, as I know I have a habit of doing so and annoying people.It would be nice to have people to talk to though, so thank you for your time if anyone has spent it reading this :)
I'm sorry Jamie, I've never been in a psychiatric hospital but I've had countless mental breakdowns. I have a lot of meltdowns to this day when things become overwhelming (and with my anxiety and a lot of sensory issues that isn't a hard thing to trigger). They were considered manic breakdowns and therefore a symptom of bipolar, but I never had the ups that come with it, only really low lows and the mania.I do also suffer from hallucinations/night terrors/sleep paralysis etc. and a lot of trouble sleeping in general. It's a really weird adjustment to look back on a lifetime of feeling one way and being so lost, only to find out that you're autistic and could have been supported all along.I spent more than 10 years medicated for bipolar, various different kinds of pills that never helped because I guess it was never the problem. It's certainly an adjustment, but at least it feels like there's a way forward now :)
Thanks, bees are also cool I can understand the passion. I get a lot of hyperfixations with things and can be pretty overwhelming to neurotypicals. I also feel like with my history and past I basically come with a disclaimer at this point or some kind of warning.I already feel welcomed and relieved that I took the step to reach out.
Hi Goblin, welcome home, nice to have you with us
Psychosis was a secondary issue for me also. I had a mental breakdown in 2017 because my autism had been missed for 35 years. I spent 5 years in psychiatric hospitals that could have been avoided if i got the right support for my autistic needs sooner
Hope you find this community beneficial, i certainly have since December
Welcome home, Goblin.
I'm thinking of the Goblin sound in Knightmare.
Don't fret, you're among kindred spirits here, the nice thing about us all (mostly, sometimes we get NTs pop in long and short term for advice) being autistic here is we understand that side of eachother and relate to it really well.
Hello and welcome, I like your username btw, don't be afraid because you'll fit right in, some of us get very passionate about our experinces but everyone is alright really, even the people who you'd think you have nothing in common with can surprise you, it's one of the great things about us all being a community here so make yourself at home.
Hello, yeah I was deemed unfit for work a long time ago and have been reassessed every few years but found to be still unfit. I do have a lot of other health issues however, and a lot of secondary mental illnesses as a result of such a bad childhood to early 20's with unsupported autism.Feeling broken is definitely something I battle with regularly, I hope it will begin to change now that I have some understanding that it wasn't my fault. I'm sorry that you don't have social interactions outside of work, I'm very familiar with feeling lonely and isolated. I am jealous that you can work though, even if it could be stressful! I used to think about starting a life someday "when I get better" but as years pass it feels less and less like it will happen.
Thank you, I have a lot to learn and work on for sure but at least now I have something to work with and begin to understand properly :)
Hi Goblin. You didn't overshare.It seems many here have similar stories. I can work ok, but i have no social interactions outside of that. I too thought i was 'broken'.I recently came to this forum, and they seem to be a good bunch, so i hope you find what you need here and elsewhere in our community.
Hi Goblin, great to see you here and great that you felt able to reach out. I'm glad you did. You definitely haven't overshared, and I don't think anyone would mind if you did. I hope you find this a welcoming and helpful place, I know I have done. There's some really interesting people and discussions.
Thank you, even being told that over-sharing isn't immediately abhorrent makes me a bit emotional. I have spent a really long time being punished and told I was wrong for the way that I am, it means a lot that you would be so welcoming.
Hi Goblin. We love ‘over ’-sharing here (or as most of us would see it, adequately sharing!) it’s what helps us support each other. I hope you like it here. It’s a lovely community and if you give it a while topics and threads will come up that you will feel especially connected to or just find fun.